Relationship/Dating Lessons Learned

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Gremmie
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04 Feb 2011, 2:10 pm

p.s. apologies if laughing is insensitive... just amused by the idea of a dating advert requesting responses from orphans only...



emlion
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04 Feb 2011, 2:10 pm

Gremmie wrote:
Erisad wrote:
In the future, I'm only dating orphans. I have a hard enough time dealing with my parents so being able to impress someone else's is waaay too hard for me. D:


:lol: People who live independently and miles away from their parents are fairly simple too - you've then only got to deal with the other parents very rarely and they have no direct say over things.


Yeah, living independently is a big plus.



Erisad
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04 Feb 2011, 3:54 pm

Gremmie wrote:
Erisad wrote:
In the future, I'm only dating orphans. I have a hard enough time dealing with my parents so being able to impress someone else's is waaay too hard for me. D:


:lol: People who live independently and miles away from their parents are fairly simple too - you've then only got to deal with the other parents very rarely and they have no direct say over things.


It's okay. It is a rather funny idea. XD

I guess I'm tired of other people ruining my relationships. Stupid third parties. *mumble grumble*



Mindslave
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05 Feb 2011, 8:02 am

Lesson 1: She is probably more scared of the relationship than I am.
Lesson 2: She probably has no idea what she is doing any more than I do.
Lesson 3: All good relationships occur when both parties get comfortable at the same time.
Lesson 4: Approaching women is less than exact, because they don't know what it's supposed to look like either. Just look them in the eye and don't stutter.
Lesson 4A: I've found the best way to do this is to imagine that she is a proven b***h, and that you are legally obligated to talk to her, but you don't really want her to like you. In other words, show interest in her, instead of getting her to show interest in you. The only way to establish contact with anyone is to first establish common ground, so that's what you should talk about, whatever that is. Then you proceed from that point. There is no magic topic that everyone loves.
Lesson 5: Most women won't call you back or text you back right away because they are nervous, or more likely, because they are afraid that will make them a slut. They also try too hard, it's not just men, or spectrumy people.
Lesson 6: There will be lots of cryptic mixed messages. The meaning of these messages is always the same, something along the lines of "I don't want you to like me that much yet, even though I kind of want you too. Let's take it slow, and hopefully this Confuse Ray will work this time around"
Lesson 7: Don't use Harden too soon in the battle.
Lesson 8: All of these things, true or not, are meaningless until you experience them, because the meaning of something comes from associating it with an experience you've had.

Bonus Lesson: Don't be too weird in the beginning. I'm a weird guy, and I have a tendency to be too weird from the get go. This has messed things up for me countless times. I need to be more grounded at first, and then rant about stupid things that piss me off when she gets comfortable with me. Just a more specific reference to Lesson 3.



HopeGrows
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06 Feb 2011, 2:39 pm

Erisad wrote:
zen_mistress wrote:
Erisad, if someone treated you in a way that is not nice, they didnt deserve you anyway. Hopefully next time you will find someone nicer.


But my most recent ex was nice, so nice that he couldn't stand up to his own f***ing mother and left me alone. And lord only knows how long it will be before I find someone else. I won't open another account on OkCupid until I graduate to avoid the whole "distance" issue and I probably won't find anyone good in my area. I hate conservative Pennsylvania. When I had my home address as my location, most of my matches came from Philadelphia or Baltimore, two very far away places that I could never live in because I would probably be mugged, raped and shot on the first day. :/


Honey, I'm sorry it worked out this way for you. Your ex did seem to be pretty dependent on his parents, so I'm not completely surprised that he made the choice he did. (To be clear, I'm not saying he was right to do so - just that I'm not surprised.) Try to remember that this is just a phase....a learning experience. It's not your whole life - there's nothing permanent about it. There will be other relationships, under different circumstances, with different outcomes. *hugs*


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06 Feb 2011, 2:49 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
Erisad wrote:
zen_mistress wrote:
Erisad, if someone treated you in a way that is not nice, they didnt deserve you anyway. Hopefully next time you will find someone nicer.


But my most recent ex was nice, so nice that he couldn't stand up to his own f***ing mother and left me alone. And lord only knows how long it will be before I find someone else. I won't open another account on OkCupid until I graduate to avoid the whole "distance" issue and I probably won't find anyone good in my area. I hate conservative Pennsylvania. When I had my home address as my location, most of my matches came from Philadelphia or Baltimore, two very far away places that I could never live in because I would probably be mugged, raped and shot on the first day. :/


Honey, I'm sorry it worked out this way for you. Your ex did seem to be pretty dependent on his parents, so I'm not completely surprised that he made the choice he did. (To be clear, I'm not saying he was right to do so - just that I'm not surprised.) Try to remember that this is just a phase....a learning experience. It's not your whole life - there's nothing permanent about it. There will be other relationships, under different circumstances, with different outcomes. *hugs*


I hope so. I just hate how long I'm single for between relationships and how short the relationships are. I'm single for about 2 years after a relationship that lasts a couple months or even weeks in some cases. I wish I was like the girls who can jump from one relationship to the next after only a short time because they always have another guy in line. D:



zen_mistress
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06 Feb 2011, 3:17 pm

^ Even if you could do that, you shouldnt, as you need time to heal.

And, if he was such a "nice" guy, he would have stood up for you. Guys should not side with their mothers against you. That means they have no consideration for you. I think in time you will realise that this guy wasnt "nice" at all.


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Erisad
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06 Feb 2011, 4:14 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
^ Even if you could do that, you shouldnt, as you need time to heal.

And, if he was such a "nice" guy, he would have stood up for you. Guys should not side with their mothers against you. That means they have no consideration for you. I think in time you will realise that this guy wasnt "nice" at all.


And the best way to heal the wounds is to replace him. It's like buying a puppy for someone who had their dog put down. It heals the heart. Granted, we had a 1.5 year mourning period for our dog before getting another one. XD

He didn't have any choice. She was going to take his bipolar medicine away if he didn't listen to her. His own health and well-being was at stake. :(



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06 Feb 2011, 4:26 pm

now you're just making excuses for him.
his mother obviously loves him so much she wants to keep him to herself - i highly doubt she'd let him be hurt by not having his medication.



Erisad
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06 Feb 2011, 4:34 pm

emlion wrote:
now you're just making excuses for him.
his mother obviously loves him so much she wants to keep him to herself - i highly doubt she'd let him be hurt by not having his medication.


You sure? She is a nutcase after all. >.>



emlion
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06 Feb 2011, 4:35 pm

A nutcase who obviously cares about her son a lot.
If she didn't care, why would she bother?



Erisad
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06 Feb 2011, 4:36 pm

emlion wrote:
A nutcase who obviously cares about her son a lot.
If she didn't care, why would she bother?


If she loved her son she wouldn't tear him away from the only girl to ever treat him well just because she didn't like me. :/



emlion
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06 Feb 2011, 4:39 pm

Sure she would. She wants him ALL to herself.
It's stupid and unfair, but it definitely happens.
No girl is good enough for her little boy :roll:.



Erisad
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06 Feb 2011, 4:42 pm

emlion wrote:
Sure she would. She wants him ALL to herself.
It's stupid and unfair, but it definitely happens.
No girl is good enough for her little boy :roll:.


Which goes back to my plan of only dating orphans and/or those who aren't momma's boys from this day forward. :P

...that would be an awkward conversation though, "hey, do you live with your parents?" He says, "Yeah" and I leave. :/



emlion
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06 Feb 2011, 4:44 pm

i can totally see it. :lol:
men who live on their own are much easier.
are there no men on your college who you could find?



Erisad
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06 Feb 2011, 4:46 pm

emlion wrote:
i can totally see it. :lol:
men who live on their own are much easier.
are there no men on your college who you could find?


Not many of them are worth dating and the ones that are probably wouldn't want me anyway, as they are either already taken or have their eye on a better girl. For a lot of men, college is the time to f**k as many hot women as possible and not care about the girl who would actually treat them well. :/