Hello, Eka, After weeks of research and personal reflecting, I have come to the conclusion that I too am an aspie. So much makes sense now, it's nice to have a name to go with the condition I've had all this time. I've written down so much, but here are a few examples of why I think I'm good candidate for aspieism.
As a child I had a fascination with electricity. I loved lightning, but hated thunder. Taking apart electronics was also one of my hobbies, but once opened, I was amazed by the circuit boards, wires, and components, anything mechanical in there be damned.
It seems I have no ability to feel empathy or sympathy, or both, I get them confused. I was 14 when my Aunt died. My first experience with death. I didn't feel anything inside, unlike what people did on TV and the movies. nothing, pure emptiness, I had to put on a little show and pretend that I was upset, to look like I cared. time passed and more relatives died, same nothingness. Adding to that fact, I'm extremely uncomfortable around dying people. Our next-door neighbor died, my sister told me, she might as well of told me the stock market lost 2 points.
It's impossible to get an accurate depiction of yourself without a mirror or camera, so you rely on others for that. The feedback I get isn't pleasant. Apparently I almost always have a blank expression / frown / sneer on my face. it's been pointed out every now and then, the first time, one of my teachers found it necessary to bring it up in front of the whole class. More recently it's been comments from fellow vendors, and store employees. One even asked if I was a serial killer.
I engage in endless loops of despair. Over the past 4 years I've bought and told a desktop, a laptop, another desktop, another laptop, another desktop, a Mac, and now i've got an iPad. I used to play n MMORPG called Ragnarok Online. I was indecisive there too. I would create a character, her to to around level 80, get bored, delete her, and start over, throw in constant server switching, and gender changing, needless to say I didn't get very far.
For my job I visit the same 5 grocery stores everyday to work our product from the back room to the shelf, and in doing this for 4 years, I can tell you the names of the head grocery managers, I HAVE to talk to them, and some of the receiving clerks, every one else, we have a mutual ignorement.
I cannot look a stranger in the eye. I notice this most on my job. When I have to talk to someone I'll do my best to look at them, but if I'm just trying to get from one point to another, I look another direction if any accidental eye contact is made. Also when going to point A to point B, I'll find the path of least resistance (aisles with little to no people) just like an electron.
Since i've been 12 I've had only two major hobbies, computers, and anime. they stay strong with me today, old interests are fading though, I used to be a movie buff too, not so much, the last movie I saw was Harry Potter 6, and that was in the theater.
I notice, but love, the smallest of change. Just today I noticed that cap on my 20oz Rootbeer had changed, it's a few millimeters shorter and the ribs are different. Isn't that neat! I think to my self, the same old boring cap has changed. Most others would overlook something so small and insignificant as a cap. Big change, I like that too, take an entire store being remodeled, annoying to most, really cool to me.
I can only assume this next part is somehow related to the loving change bit, but I also love disasters, a non-normal event. Take September 14, 2008. probably one of the most annoying and inconvenient days for people around where I live. In the region I live on this date, the remnants of hurricane Ike were pushing their way in, along with a cold front, the two mixed and grew stronger. We received sustained winds of 50 Mph and gusts up to 80 Mph. The winds knocked out 95% of the power grid. While everyone else was worried about loved ones and stuff like that, I was having the time of my life driving around, snapping photos of damage, and just taking in the scene of darkened buildings and stoplights.
I completely suck as social situations. fortunately for me, these are few and far between. the last time I remember was in 2001. They decided to have a company party after normal business hours, aka, my shift. I could tell my boss was looking T me sideways, I pretty much stayed back in "the cage" and pretended I was working, when in reality I had nothing to do at this time.
There was also the New Years party my buddy from school invited me to, I though it was going to be a small gathering, turned out to be a full blown huge party type party, of which I knew 3 people. I was outta there with in 300 seconds. went for a "smoke" and never came back.
I tried once again at socializing, I went to the anime club at the local college...Hell I can't even socialize with NTs that share the same interest as I.
All in all, despite the fact that it's taken me nearly 30 years to figure out the truth, I had to figure out all this on my own, Either I have mad skills at pretending to be normal, or just nobodies taken the liberty to tell me "You know Dave, You're really messed up." and all the crap i've had to put up from NTs my school years, I can't say it's been to terrible of a ride. if it were not for my AS I would be leading a completely different life and I never would have met the best woman in the world, the only other one i've opened up to, my wife, my best friend, a fellow aspie. Our circumstances are unique, but that's another story.
So, anyone know where in South-Western Ohio I can go to get a confirmation?
01 May 2010, 1:20 am
anyone that would give a graphic description of weathering Hurricane Ike in the middle of their 'ah ha!' introduction thread probably can identify with people on Asperger's Syndrome. Learning how to adjust to finally figuring out I was neurologically different from others was difficult enough. It wasn't until I came to WP that I met others like me, that had had the same issues I had had. That was the best part. WP is the best therapy for AS, I think.
