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GoatOnFire
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06 May 2010, 3:25 am

I remember reading somewhere in a book that those affected with Asperger's syndrome have a social/emotional age that is about 2/3rds of their actual age.

If so then part of the problem with those of us who haven't turned 27 is that our social/emotional matches aren't even legal yet, unless they're an aspie, and the gender ratio is not particularly favorable there unless you're a girl. So many have to aim for someone on a different plane until that 27 range.

These are generalizations, just stick to the main idea, the implications of delayed social/emotional age in the context of L & D.


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antique_toy
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06 May 2010, 5:38 am

wow, that's a very interesting thing to know.
i think it explains my would-be cougarish tendencies. i'm 19 but i find myself bonding well with high school kids. i want to re-do high school all over again...



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06 May 2010, 6:32 am

27 is an age I associate with Saturn's return.

Saturn return

I definitely got a lot 'better' around the ages 27-30.


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techstepgenr8tion
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06 May 2010, 8:06 am

Between 2/3 and 3/4 supposedly (so - 17/24ths is definitely possible as well :wink: ).

I don't trust this figure in looking at myself in a global sense because I think it only covers certain aspects. Structural maturity? Genetic maturity? Those are possible, as in our development in that sense may be slowed. Emotional/core maturity though? No. Generally speaking, right now in my life, I'd be hard pressed to see myself dating a girl much under 25, mainly just where I'm at in life, what I want, and who I can actually relate to.

The real struggle we face though - while our emotional maturity may be at our age or, due to our struggles, somewhere past our age, our nervous systems and chemistries almost force us into functioning a certain way (as indicated quite a ways younger), that causes all kinds of dissonance, struggle, and really rather than putting us in an age group it makes us technically right for no age group in particular. Pretty much we end up in the 'odd sizes' dating crowd and the very point of it is that no one really fits a developmental stereotype well (and the odd sizes crowd of course runs the gammit everywhere between aspies to intellectual NT's to late 20's/early 30's fast lane NT's, artsy types, nerds, typically people who are a little bit of several of these).



jc6chan
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06 May 2010, 8:44 am

antique_toy wrote:
i'm 19 but i find myself bonding well with high school kids. i want to re-do high school all over again...

I'd love to go back to high school. The courses would seem so easy now that I took university courses. But then I would like to live away from my parents. Not that I don't like them, its just that I get overwhelmed by too much exposure to parents.

Actually, you could technically go back to high school. Its free and the only disadvantage is that your career path is stalled but I probably wouldn't mind.



aleclair
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06 May 2010, 10:29 am

Despite being a generalization, that sounds like a reasonable generalization.

I was just telling someone that if I could go back to high school now, I'd finally be able to understand what's going on in the minds of ninth- and tenth-graders, about six years after the fact.

Here at college, I am the youngest of my friends, but only by a couple of months. But I'm a sophomore in college, and most of my high school friends are graduating this year. I'd go further and say that they've all surpassed me in maturity in the past year, as they get girlfriends and become more independent.



ToadOfSteel
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06 May 2010, 11:51 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
I don't trust this figure in looking at myself in a global sense because I think it only covers certain aspects. Structural maturity? Genetic maturity? Those are possible, as in our development in that sense may be slowed. Emotional/core maturity though? No. Generally speaking, right now in my life, I'd be hard pressed to see myself dating a girl much under 25, mainly just where I'm at in life, what I want, and who I can actually relate to.

The real struggle we face though - while our emotional maturity may be at our age or, due to our struggles, somewhere past our age, our nervous systems and chemistries almost force us into functioning a certain way (as indicated quite a ways younger), that causes all kinds of dissonance, struggle, and really rather than putting us in an age group it makes us technically right for no age group in particular. Pretty much we end up in the 'odd sizes' dating crowd and the very point of it is that no one really fits a developmental stereotype well (and the odd sizes crowd of course runs the gammit everywhere between aspies to intellectual NT's to late 20's/early 30's fast lane NT's, artsy types, nerds, typically people who are a little bit of several of these).


I'm with you on this one. In my case, my desires in life have always been about 8 years ahead of where they should be. When I was 9, I was worried about applying to college. When I was 12, I wanted to travel and see the world. When I was 16, I was worried about still living in my parents house. And now I'm so desperate for a woman I can spend the rest of my life with... Granted, that's not to say my emotional maturity has always matched that. When I was a kid, it actually lagged behind by 2 or 3 years as the OP would suggest. But then in high school, it shot ahead to the +8 figure I already mentioned after having to care for my LFA brother for several years. I think that, regardless of neurological makeup, emotional maturity is based on the expectations placed upon the person in question. If you're given adult responsibilities, your emotional maturity will work its way ahead faster. If you're constantly treated like a child, it will lag...

Overall, I agree with your main point that there's so much cognitive dissonance happening there that we end up in the "odd sizes" bin, and that has me worried that I'll never find anyone... :?



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06 May 2010, 12:32 pm

I know I was an itty-bitty kid until my late 20s so there could be something to this.



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06 May 2010, 3:27 pm

It makes sense. I'm 42 but people sometimes think I'm around 25. It has only been in the past few years that I've even begun to understand social interaction.


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06 May 2010, 4:56 pm

I dont know about emotional. But I heard that the average aspie has the social wirng of an NT 2 year old. At first I thought it was nonsense but spending time around a 4 year old boy I know made me realise that he actually had better social skills and theory of mind than me. It concerned me quite a bit. :?

I think my emotional age is close to my own though. I have been through a lot, I certainly have not had an easy life.


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06 May 2010, 6:03 pm

I would agree with this because I'm 27 & am extremely immature in lots of ways. I chat with high-school kids sometimes. We have similar interest in music(I like Disney pop), TV, comedy ect & I feel most of em are more mature than me in lots of ways.



MinorAnnoyance
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07 May 2010, 9:28 am

I'm 28 and watch a lot of iCarly, so 2/3rds is optimistic high for me.



SabbraCadabra
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07 May 2010, 12:29 pm

GoatOnFire wrote:
I remember reading somewhere in a book that those affected with Asperger's syndrome have a social/emotional age that is about 2/3rds of their actual age.


I know what you mean =/

Amongst my friends I'm usually the oldest one...

I think only once have I dated a girl who was older than me (not by much) and it didn't last very long.

Though my longest relationship, she was only a week younger than me...


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Sound
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07 May 2010, 4:43 pm

...I dunnno... I feel like, even if we're stunted in this brand of maturity, we're missing an important variable. See, I think the growth process of emotional maturity slows down over time. I think that you mature more between 18-21 than you do from 21-24, than you do from 24-27, etc. I think this is true because living in social society has a finite amount of accessible ideas to learn. As you get older, the ideas become more nuanced, more difficult, less practical, less necessary. It's less 'worth' learning, and so we don't, and our modern human maturity process starts to slow down. So an NT gets all the low-hanging fruit, looks around and sees everyone else has similarly limited prospects for growth, and so they all cumulatively give up. If you're 'on par' with everyone, and lacking a deficit, then why strive for more maturity?

Compare to people on the spectrum. Well, all of it's harder for us, but our basis of 'acceptable level of maturity' is derived from comparison to everyone else. meaning that while others may have effectively slowed or stopped maturing(due to a commonly shared 'level' of difficulty/practicality), we potentially continue to fight through that difficulty to reach parity with everyone else's 'level.'

So, if we imagined it like a graph, our maturity vs time graphed line is a lot more gentle of a curve, closer to linear. Compare that to an NT, I presume they'd mature quicker, but also level-off sooner.
If this kind of variable that I'm imagining is true, has a lot of implications. Assuming that an ASD individual continues to strive despite the difficulty, then by nature of the NT 'levelling,' we can catch up later in life.

That's my hope, anyways. I'm not content at staying at 2/3's the capacity of my friends.

...Boy, I hope any of that made sense...



techstepgenr8tion
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07 May 2010, 6:02 pm

Sound wrote:
...I dunnno... I feel like, even if we're stunted in this brand of maturity, we're missing an important variable. See, I think the growth process of emotional maturity slows down over time. I think that you mature more between 18-21 than you do from 21-24, than you do from 24-27, etc. I think this is true because living in social society has a finite amount of accessible ideas to learn. As you get older, the ideas become more nuanced, more difficult, less practical, less necessary. It's less 'worth' learning, and so we don't, and our modern human maturity process starts to slow down. So an NT gets all the low-hanging fruit, looks around and sees everyone else has similarly limited prospects for growth, and so they all cumulatively give up. If you're 'on par' with everyone, and lacking a deficit, then why strive for more maturity?

Compare to people on the spectrum. Well, all of it's harder for us, but our basis of 'acceptable level of maturity' is derived from comparison to everyone else. meaning that while others may have effectively slowed or stopped maturing(due to a commonly shared 'level' of difficulty/practicality), we potentially continue to fight through that difficulty to reach parity with everyone else's 'level.'

So, if we imagined it like a graph, our maturity vs time graphed line is a lot more gentle of a curve, closer to linear. Compare that to an NT, I presume they'd mature quicker, but also level-off sooner.
If this kind of variable that I'm imagining is true, has a lot of implications. Assuming that an ASD individual continues to strive despite the difficulty, then by nature of the NT 'levelling,' we can catch up later in life.

That's my hope, anyways. I'm not content at staying at 2/3's the capacity of my friends.

...Boy, I hope any of that made sense...


Yeah, I've noticed this about out-crowd NT's as well. We have some friends who are on the who's-who list downtown (one was 4th generation owner of a 5 star restaurant on the main club strip, was a pro surfer in Maui, another was a pro skater, another is a guy who dabbles in everything from guns to sport bikes and D&G type fashion design). It seems like the more intelligent, perhaps were potential social butterflies but simply didn't fit the mold well enough in highschool, are in their 30's and still climbing quite often. Some people who were nerds or stoners/ravers in high school end up there as well.

After a certain age though, what's forward motion in maturity...my back's killing me? Wah - I'm grouchy? That's about the same time that you have others their age - either aspies or rare type NT's who are in their 40's and 50's, out there and actually doing things while everyone else watches TV.

I guess its goes to show more or less that AS/autism is really looked at more often from a <30 lens as a developmental struggle when its more pronounced.



Bataar
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07 May 2010, 8:05 pm

That kind of makes sense. I'm 31 and most of the people I associate with are probably 19 - 21ish.