I will have to chew on this for awhile...

Post Reply New Topic

Oh boy...
Please don't anyone take this personally.

This one, I apologize will be short...
Right in the middle of a Storm...

Self Diagnosed:
High functioning Autism?
AS/mild to moderate Savant?
Post Tramatic Stress? from living on this planet with this sh-t for 49yrs

Suspected a few years ago,
Accepted less than 5 days ago.
allot explained in my pms and posts

Shock is setting in...
I pity us all...
I don't belong saying anything to any one, I have been what I thought was a type 'A' NTer with bad luck and bad timing, The Post Traumatic Stress of this reality will be intensely overwhelming
I feel the surge of this wave building like a tsunami.
My possible AS is taking hold of this and running with it...
If i live long enough I will make an autobiography and send ya a copy.
For now I am gonna censer my self, out of paranoia, and the fear that the sense of hopelessness that I feel, could possibly be conveyed in writ,
which might save a soul from jumping, and at the same time send 3 to the pit.

Until we meet again...
CosmicCowboy

Oh, honey, the PTSD has been in function since you were born, you just know about it now. Keep breathing, it gets better, I swear it!

Merle

Look at it this way - If the average male life span in the western world is 75- 85 years roughly, you've already made it almost two thirds of the way without even knowing you had a handicap.

I found out at 45. Look at the bright side. Now things make more sense. I was in shock when I read the descriptions of children with AS, and it read like someone telling about my childhood. I did a lot of self forgiveness once I figured out I could never have fixed some of the problems I have.

After Tsunami,
a sea of calm.

Self-forgiveness,
And the answer you never had.

Sending healing vibes through the cosmos fellow Cosmic-ite.

You know where we are.

I found out at 48 (last year) and it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's like a template of peace that fits over my life allowing me to separate the crap from who I really am. I can look with understanding at old relationships and I don't feel bad about how hard it is to make new ones. I have actually been able to restore and old and deer friendship since then. While my life may have been better if I had know as a kid, I may also have been institutionalized (60's) or run over by a car leaving the doctors office. Who knows what could have been. Not worth stressing about. Tomorrow is there before us and we can control much of it.

Dude:
(chcukling so hard I can bearly type.)

The tinfoiled cat...
(now laughing)

I have Eidictic memory:

I was laying in bed this morning, just woke up and that picture came to mind in perfect clarity, (still giggling)

I thought it was odd it was kinda grey in my mind meaning, not full of collor I can picture randomly right now several avatars in perfect clarity and their color, then I went back and it is kinda a silver grey overal tone.

geese that must of been fun, except he's not a ferral barn cat...

Viking Kitty

Things will get better, with time.

WIKI:
Defined narrowly, a visionary is one who purportedly experiences a vision or apparition connected to the supernatural. At times this involves seeing into the future. The visionary state is achieved via meditation, drugs, lucid dreams, daydreams, or art. One example is Hildegard of Bingen,

A vision can be political, religious, environmental, social, or technological in nature. By extension, a visionary can also be a person with a clear, distinctive and specific (in some details) vision of the future, usually connected with advances in technology or social/political arrangements. For example, Ted Nelson is referred to as a visionary in connection with the Internet[2].

Other visionaries simply imagine what does not yet exist but might some day, as some forms of visioning (or gazing) provide a glimpse into the possible future. Therefore, visioning can mean seeing in a utopian way what does not yet exist on earth—but might exist in another realm—such as the ideal or perfect realm as imagined or thought. Examples are Buckminster Fuller in architecture and design, and some of the pioneers of personal computing such as Steve Wozniak. Some people use mathematics to make visionary discoveries in the nature of the universe. In that sense, a visionary may also function as a secular prophet. Some visionaries emphasize communication, and some assume a figurehead role in organizing a social group.

Artists may produce work loosely categorized as visionary art for its luminous content and/or for its use of artistic techniques that call for the use of extended powers of perception in the viewer: (e.g. Gustave Moreau, Samuel Palmer, Jean Delville, Ernst Fuchs, the French Symbolist Odilon Redon, Brion Gysin, Max Ernst, Stanley Spencer, Edward Burne Jones, Adolf Wolfli, Fred Sandback, William Blake, Hieronymus Bosch, and Henry Darger).

Visionary art can be incorrectly defined as a category of primitive art (art of those not formally trained) rather than describing people who have used their visions (or dreams) to create their paintings. Salvador Dali is one artist who would exemplify visionary art that is neither religious nor primitive.

This is what I do...
I am a gazer...
In old time I guess I would have been called a "Seer"...
It is no wonder really now why the whole earth is agaisnt me...

In the times before Christ, a Seer was a High Councilor, that the kings went to, they new his understanding having a "connection" no one else had, anything slight important they were consulted...
1 Samuel 9:9
Before-time in Israel, when a man went to inquire of God, thus he spake, Come, and let us go to the seer: for he that is now called a Prophet was before-time called a Seer.

The last prophet before Christ;
is Micah he saw where we the new prophets or seers would suffer.

Micah 3:6-7
Therefore night shall be unto you, that ye shall not have a vision; and it shall be dark unto you, that ye shall not divine; and the sun shall go down over the prophets, and the day shall be dark over them. 7Then shall the seers be ashamed, and the diviners confounded: yea, they shall all cover their lips; for there is no answer of God
I have been seeking an answer my self from god now for 25 years and his answer is...

ASD?

That has to be the biggest non-answer that could be conceivable by a mind regardless of its ASD.
This answer is a pure mockery of reason and logic, But alas it does explain why I feel the whole world is out to get me and why now the earth itself forbids this life forms existence...

This is what I am going through too. My official dx is ADHD, but the same thing applies. I have a lot of things I need to forgive, as well. How can you not have depression or PTSD? You go through decades of people not understanding, labeling you with all the negative aspects of humanity- all rolled into one person (for me). I was always beating myself up for having so many flaws- how can one person have so many damn flaws? People think your lazy, clumsy, unmotivated, disorganized, thoughtless, stupid even, and all this gets under your skin and settles in after a while- the damage is done in childhood anyway, but then it lingers as an adult. They keep saying the same things to you but for some reason you just cant change.


I have been studying my own disorder, and a leading expert talks about the period of grief that one goes through right after diagnosis. There is a lot of anger because why couldn't they find it earlier-why didn't anyone try to see or understand? Even my mom has gone through this with me. She was more pissed about it than I could ever be. Misdiagnosis of bipolar led me to be medicated inappropriately and I have permanent damage.

Anyway, these feelings are normal- go ahead and mourn the loss of an earlier diagnosis if it makes you feel better- get the anger out of your system. This should pass. Do think about getting diagnosed officially so you can get proper help too.

where?
I wouldnt trust anyones except probablly a AS/Savant? that has my crap.

takes one to know one if you know what I mean...

What is an NTer gonna help? well I guess they would be best for pinpointing just how screwed up you are, then what? is he gonna tell you how to deal with it....
Treatment for something that has no cure, so were talking put a bandaid on it.

consolation prize now when some one say's whats up with you? you can tell them ASD. which covers it all...

I remember chewing on identical stuff, when my mum first told me about my HFA, when I was 15. It took me three years for me to accept myself and my condition. I don't wish to be cured, now.

I know that you all have good intentions, and I thank you for your effort to impart your understanding to another afflicted.

since my first post on a thread here, my gazing has increased manifold, I have had to reboot (nap out) 4 times in one day. It most definitely affects my work now, but its because I don't care and I lock into an autistic catatonic gaze. I can do it deliberately, and it does it by itself. I recite out loud a few times,
just think about it
just think about it...

done 3 hours gone
I own my own company, so I cant fire myself, and even in my neglected state, I am doing better than average.

I go through catatonic gazing where I will pull out after an hour or so, and see that I am bracing my self and i'm tense all over like riding a roller coaster. so I shuffle my position and grab the bar for the next ride, unlike enjoyable gazing where you are building some architectural masterpiece, this is totally unknown, so when sorting and assembling collected facts and previewing them sorting again all of this going on in a photographic memory, doing this in a pseudo 3rd person state, because the first person is way to uncomfortable over the top, an unbelievable understanding for the rational mind, then crash the computer locks up and got to shut it down.

Hamlet?
no...

Gran Torino?
yes.