New and Revised Essay... Tell me what you think... What can

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Allahdad
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12 Dec 2004, 7:42 pm

I add.... and whats wrong with it.... Thank You I'd really like your input.. Because I know only other aspies could help me the most....

Do you know how it feels when you put the wrong shoe on the wrong foot? I’ve felt like that my whole life. I realized that I had a mild form of Asperger’s Syndrome about 4 years ago, after stumbling across it online. I remember sitting there dumbfounded, as I was reading all the symptoms most of which applied to me. I had an epiphany, it all made sense to me now. Asperger’s syndrome affects how a person communicates and relates with others, as well as one’s thinking process, sensory perceptions and use of language.

Up until high school I was a shy, reserved, and reticent boy. I realized I couldn’t live this way my whole life, so I promised myself I’d change starting in high school. In high school I began to open up more, and I didn’t hesitate to express myself. Since I was in elementary school, I wanted to have a career in business. But, I knew I couldn’t remain the withdrawn person I was, and be successful in the business field. I wasn’t going to let Asperger’s Syndrome stop me from pursuing my dream. Although I have made significant gains, I am still known to be a bit shy, reserved, to this day I feel a bit uncomfortable around people.

I often wonder how much easier life would be without this syndrome, but I then realize if it weren’t for it, I wouldn’t be the unique person I am. As a result of Asperger’s Syndrome I have somewhat of an eidetic memory, and I have a wide range of knowledge in the subjects that interest me the most; most notably world history, and English vocabulary. My reasoning skills are extremely sophisticated, and while the other students have extreme difficulty with memorization, it’s second nature to me. I stand out in the classroom because of these abilities, and often my teachers are amazed by the depth of my knowledge.

Being from the “old country”, my parents encouraged me to pursue a career in engineering, or medical field. They told me and to this day say to me that I wouldn’t fare well in business because I was shy and wasn’t good at talking. I could be an engineer, it would be a utopia for me, I could make good money and at the same time avoid social contact. But I wish to challenge myself and pursue my dream, and I know unless I face my weaknesses I will never be able to overcome them and fall victim to Asperger’s Syndome.



MishLuvsHer2Boys
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12 Dec 2004, 7:54 pm

Honestly it'd likely be best not to do an essay for college admissions on Aspergers Syndrome. First of all because you're self-diagnosed, professionals tend to not always accept self-diagnoses and usually tend to go with an opinion the person is hypochondriac. Secondly, if you want to find a job and any give references and such, some employers and such may bias against you based on being an 'Aspie'. It'd be likely better to find a different topic for your college admissions essay and maybe use the Aspergers Syndrome topic for another once you're in or are maybe officially diagnosed so people don't automatically make assumptions about you and how well you'll perform in college, etc. I'd be more inclined myself to say nothing unless someone asks me. I know on another forum, one member knew of someone that disclosed AS to an employer and it made the workplace situation a lot more difficult. Now if you're hoping it may get you help while in university, try seeking out an official diagnosis as you'll likely get more services if you need them.

While it is a good essay and understand why you are doing it, it can easily be a double-edged sword.



Allahdad
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12 Dec 2004, 8:57 pm

Is it possible a college would reject me because I have Asperger's Syndrome?



Scoots5012
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12 Dec 2004, 9:06 pm

The college wouldn't reject you solely because you have aspergers.

Entrance boards reading essays from prospective applicants would be more interested in reading something more "enlightening", such as a paper about "Macbeth" than an autobiographical account of your life with aspergers.

Telling employers that you have a disorder that effects thought, interpersonal communication, and physical skills IMO is a straight ticket to getting fired or being passed over becasue as I have found out, and mentioned here, employers have no interest in dealing with the problems that people like us face, and don't want to hear about them also.

I did enjoy reading your essay though. :)


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alex
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12 Dec 2004, 9:09 pm

Scoots5012 wrote:
The college wouldn't reject you solely because you have aspergers.

Entrance boards reading essays from prospective applicants would be more interested in reading something more "enlightening", such as a paper about "Macbeth" than an autobiographical account of your life with aspergers.

I did enjoy reading your essay though. :)


Actually, Entrance boards would be more interested in understanding how you overcame aspergers than reading something about Macbeth. In fact, an essay about Macbeth is probably not a good idea since the entrance board is interested in who you are, not who Macbeth is.


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Scoots5012
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12 Dec 2004, 9:47 pm

I should probably clarify myself a little on this.

Write the paper, but don't devote the whole thing to aspergers, include other aspects of your life in the paper, including your views on Macbeth* :)

* denotes a rehtorical statement


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MishLuvsHer2Boys
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12 Dec 2004, 9:53 pm

Alex while it may be more credible to write something about yourself for a college essay, it's usually best if a person is going to write about a diagnosis and overcoming it, that it's better to have backing with an official dx. People might be skeptical of self-diagnosis than they would be of official possibly in this case, people might wonder why he is 'self-diagnosed' and if what he says is credible. That's the only thing that could get a little confusing to those at the college reading the essay especially when coming out of high school and such, usually such information would appear in records pertaining to a student's dx if they had needed any help.

Perhaps a little better of an idea is to write about your goals in life, why you feel you wish to head towards that goal, why that college fits into your plans to obtain that goal and why it is so important for you to be considered. This shows the college that you are thinking about the future as well as how they may better aid in helping you achieve your intended goal from an education at their college.



Allahdad
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12 Dec 2004, 10:41 pm

Thanks a lot you guys... Now could any of you tell of other things I should include in it... Any gramattical errors. Please I want to send out all my applications by this Thursday.. Any help would be greatly appreciated.



Allahdad
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13 Dec 2004, 8:56 pm

Anyone please?????



alex
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13 Dec 2004, 9:10 pm

Allahdad wrote:
I add.... and whats wrong with it.... Thank You I'd really like your input.. Because I know only other aspies could help me the most....

Do you know how it feels when you put the wrong shoe on the wrong foot? I’ve felt like that my whole life. I realized that I had a mild form of Asperger’s Syndrome about 4 years ago, after stumbling across it online. I remember sitting there dumbfounded, as I was reading all the symptoms most of which applied to me. I had an epiphany, it all made sense to me now. Asperger’s syndrome affects how a person communicates and relates with others, as well as one’s thinking process, sensory perceptions and use of language.

Up until high school I was a shy, reserved, and reticent boy. I realized I couldn’t live this way my whole life, so I promised myself I’d change starting in high school. In high school I began to open up more, and I didn’t hesitate to express myself. Since I was in elementary school, I wanted to have a career in business. But, I knew I couldn’t remain the withdrawn person I was, and be successful in the business field. I wasn’t going to let Asperger’s Syndrome stop me from pursuing my dream. Although I have made significant gains, I am still known to be a bit shy, reserved, to this day I feel a bit uncomfortable around people.

I often wonder how much easier life would be without this syndrome, but I then realize if it weren’t for it, I wouldn’t be the unique person I am. As a result of Asperger’s Syndrome I have somewhat of an eidetic memory, and I have a wide range of knowledge in the subjects that interest me the most; most notably world history, and English vocabulary. My reasoning skills are extremely sophisticated, and while the other students have extreme difficulty with memorization, it’s second nature to me. I stand out in the classroom because of these abilities, and often my teachers are amazed by the depth of my knowledge.

Being from the “old country”, my parents encouraged me to pursue a career in engineering, or medical field. They told me and to this day say to me that I wouldn’t fare well in business because I was shy and wasn’t good at talking. I could be an engineer, it would be a utopia for me, I could make good money and at the same time avoid social contact. But I wish to challenge myself and pursue my dream, and I know unless I face my weaknesses I will never be able to overcome them and fall victim to Asperger’s Syndome.


Well, it is kind of disorganized and I don't know if its long enough. In addition, I don't know if your analogy of a shoe on the wrong foot is that strong. You could work on that. You probably should get help from your english teacher or one of the english teachers that you've had because they know what an admission essay should sound like.


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14 Dec 2004, 2:33 am

alex wrote:
Well, it is kind of disorganized and I don't know if its long enough.


i disagree with the first part - it flows well, i thought. i don't know if it's long enough, but agree with alex that you could ask one of your teachers to help you, although i would suggest science, as you appear to want to go into the engineering/medical field. is there any sort of guideline/proforma/example of an admissions essay you could look at?

alax wrote:
]In addition, I don't know if your analogy of a shoe on the wrong foot is that strong. You could work on that.


again, i disagree - i think the analogy IS strong - simple enough, and familiar enough for people to relate to.

i am a lecturer in Creative Writing in a UK university, but don't know what would be expected in the US for an admissions essay - check with a teacher, as alex said. however, i would suggest that you add in something about engineering in your "areas of specialised interest" - you mention history and english, but they aren't engineering subjects. and be clearer about this - emphasise what exactly you want to study at college and why.

you might want to sell your strengths more, too - say what you CAN do which makes you a good student - they'll want to know that you are able to cope with college life, and that you'll gain them the kudos from graduating well - at least, i should imagine colleges everywhere are the same in wanting this.

apart from that... well, i wish some of my students had your lucidity and clarity...

good luck! let us know how you get on.