Hello and help from a Very Worried Dad.

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Hi everyone im in some desperate need of help.
Im fairly sure my daughter has Aspergers but she hasnt been diagnosed with it yet. Anyway she is now 3 years old and still in nappies so we have been trying to potty train her for the past couple of weeks and not really getting anywhere. The problem we are having is that she now doesnt seem to be wanting to pass her urine and is in alot of pain, screaming and fidgeting, She seems to be holding it in or doesnt know how to pass her urine anymore. She used to get very upset and start crying when she would wee in her knickers when potty training. Now im thinking that ive pressured her to much into wearing knickers that she is now holding her urine in and maybe getting a urine infection.? As soon as she has a wee she goes back to her normal happy self. Tonight she was in so much pain but eventually had a wee after approx 1 hour but then her nose started bleeding which has never happened before.
Could me pressurising my daughter into wearing knickers cause her to stop wanting to pass her urine/have a wee?
Has any other parent with a daughter that has aspergers had any simular problem to what my daughter and i are having. Also has anyone else had a diagnosis of aspergers at the age of 3 years old ?
Im sorry if this all sounds strange but i am not very educated in the aspergers syndrome but need to find out more info on how to treat and react to my daughters disability.
Thanks

Are there any other issues that are leading you to consider Aspergers? Many children resist potty training, so certainly if that's all your experiencing then I don't think you are going to get an Aspergers diagnosis. What other things are you seeing?

Generally speaking, most experts encourage parents not to pressure children into potty training. There are many books to help with tips and tricks for gentle potty training. However if you feel your child is experiencing pain or holding her urine, you should see your pediatrician asap.

Re: urination, I would look at the physical first. Of course she doesn't want to pee if it hurts. Take her to the doctors, she may have a urinary tract infection and needs antibiotics.

I'm NT and 35, and even I loathe public washrooms and fear self-flushing toilets! Those things sound like they could suck a hippo into the sewer!

I have a lot of experience with UTI's (urinary tract infections). If this has been going on for some time and she is not running a fever I would not worry as much about her having a UTI but I still would have her checked. It is possible that she has gotten mixed messages from you that it is bad to pee. I dont want you to feel bad, its just that sometimes Autistic kids dont understand what you want them to do or they get anxiety about not being able to do what you are asking. I managed to potty train my Autistic daughter a bit after age 3 but It was actually me that was potty trained. I and her school took her every hour and, lucky for me she just naturally stayed dry at night. She is prone to getting horrible Staph infections (MRSA abcesses) in her diaper area and they are very dangerous, made her very ill and she ended up in the hospital a few times, and had surgery. We HAD to get her out of diapers.
I agree that taking your daughter to the doctor would be the first step and then if, later, you start trying to potty train her again use a reward system and try not to use too many words or even mention pee or poo. Just say something like "sit on potty time" and place her there. If she gets upset let her go, if she goes pee, give her a candy or sticker. I used M&M's they worked well.

Thanks alot everyone for all your comments and advice. So far this evening there has been no problems with her peeing or in pain. Took her to doctors and the doc said to take a urine sample so they can send it off for testing so have done that now.
liloleme i very sure now that we have given her mixed messages with the potty training so we are now going to forget it for a while and see if she starts peeing as normal. We was worried about nappies as some schools in the UK wont accept children if they are still in them so i think we rushed it a bit and thats caused the problems.
The way i see it now is if she wants to take her time with potty training then she can
Feel a bit happier now so thx all for the help

It sounds like she has enough symptoms that I would get her evaluated for an ASD. As Caitlin stated, many children are resistant to potty training, but children with ASD do seem to have a lot of anxiety about anything new. I decided to back off on my son at age 3, and worked on it at his pace and he was trained right around his 4th birthday. I would just take him to the potty and give him a skittle or M&M if he went and make a big deal of it. I had to just take him out of the pull ups (nappies) and put him in underwear and then clean up the messes without making a big deal out of it. That was the only way he could make the connection between his mind and his body as to what was happening. The pull ups in some ways are just an easy and convenient way to not have to go to the potty.

Do not beat yourself up about what has already been done, but as soon as you get her checked by the pediatrician, I would just sort of back off and take it at her own pace. Thank God my son's preschool was okay with him wearing a pullup at 3 yrs. old.

Good luck and welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thx angelbear I am just going to back off now. All day at work I've been feeling like I just want to burst into tears, she is my world and when she was in that pain it was so hard for me to watch and not be able to do much about it. Thanks for the welcome. I just wish I'd have looked for a forum like this earlier.

Veryworrieddad-

I am glad you found WP too. I know that you are a great Dad, and it is good that you are reaching out for help. Just give your daughter lots of hugs and kisses and be real patient with her, and It will all be fine.

It sounds like you are getting great advice already. Potty training is quite a journey for lots of kids. My eldest was terrified of the flushing sound and we had to let him get us to flush while he was out of the room for the first couple of years he used the toilet. He didn't potty train until he was about three and a half. He just didn't want to. Then one day he decided he was done with diapers and refused to wear them. He had no accidents at night or in the day. He just did it his own way in his own time.

I'd have her see a doctor about the pain thing, that could be a problem. Middle son was so upset about not wetting his pants he'd tighten his muscles too much, ultimately that made him wet his pants. He had to take a mild antidepressant at bed time to make him relax and that helped the muscles go back to normal so he could control himself better. Your daughter might be heading in that direction.

Good Luck!

Hi
My daughter was diagnosed with aspergers at 3.5.

Both of my daughters were toilet trained a little after turning 3. The elder child was a bit delayed due to gastrointestinal issues, the younger child just seems to like wearing a diaper. She still uses pull-ups interchangeably with undewear, but uses the toilet to pee and poop.

If your child looks to be in pain, or if the toilet training is going much more difficulty than you think is reasonable seek a doctor's attention. Some kids are late with training because they like diapers (pull-ups are apparently very comfortable things, with extra padding for kids who like to tricycle all day long.) Some kids are late because of a physical problem. Kids who have a physical issue and are also on the spectrum are very difficult for parents to understand. It may be a sensory thing. It may be a psychological thing. It may be a physical thing. Write down everything that you are concerned about, and explain exactly why you think this goes beyond the ordinary in terms of the toilet training, take what you have written down to an expert who can fit all the peices together.

It is a hard thing to be a parent and watch your child be in pain.

If it does turn out that your daughter is on the spectrum, it's important that you love and accept her, as your own, and that you let her be a kid, instead of putting her through a number of therapies. My philosophy is, let kids be kids.