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willaful
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02 Jun 2010, 12:50 pm

My son likes to kiss us on the lips, which has always made me a little uncomfortable. Maybe he's been watching me and his dad but yesterday he was trying to give me much longer, more forceful kisses than the usual little light pecks. That makes me *really* uncomfortable. Any advice?


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MONIQUEIJ
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02 Jun 2010, 1:21 pm

this reminds me when my niece was 4 years old, she saw me kiss my boyfriend in then she tried to kiss him. he just told her no you don't do that. in we kiss cause were in love she seem to understand. ( she has aspergers)



mgran
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02 Jun 2010, 1:26 pm

How old is he? If he's just a little boy I wouldn't feel too uncomfortable about it. If he's getting older then nothing wrong with moving your head slightly so the kiss moves off target, or maybe even just saying it makes you uncomfortable.



willaful
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02 Jun 2010, 1:58 pm

He is 8 but emotionally much younger.


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angelbear
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02 Jun 2010, 2:25 pm

sounds like he is just testing boundaries. I would just explain to him that that is how Mommy's and Daddy's kiss, but that is not how little boys kiss their mommy's. Maybe for now, you and your husband could just be more discrete until he gets over his fascination with it.



Peko
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02 Jun 2010, 2:46 pm

You might want to start explaining boundaries (how parents touch vs. parents-children, friends etc.) now. It will probably become more difficult for him to grasp if you don't start now while he is still young.


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MsLeeLoo
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02 Jun 2010, 4:03 pm

Eh. Both my girls kiss me on the lips, I don't see a big deal about it. My eldest did want to kiss me longer for a period of time when her father and I were divorcing, but I didn't worry much about it because of the circumstances at the time. He might just be boundary testing, but I don't see a huge thing about it. Maybe it bugs you because you're opposite genders perhaps? I only have girls, so I have no experience raising boys...



Bombaloo
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02 Jun 2010, 4:55 pm

Our 4 yo asd son is the same, he loves to hug and kiss. We've made a bit of a game out of giving big overly dramatic kisses, they've become known in our house as "pickle kisses" named after the odd sensation of having someone give you a big smooch immediately after they have eaten a pickle. While these involve really smooshing our faces together, it is totally all in fun and I believe he completely understands the difference between the game and Mommy and Daddy's kisses. In part I allow this because he is a real sensory seeker and oral sensations are one thing he seeks out often. I think this is better than licking rocks or his brother or putting other foreign objects in is mouth.

We and his teachers have been very firm though that kissing is only with Mommy and Daddy - "No kissing at school" and big brother doesn't like it either!



mgran
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02 Jun 2010, 5:36 pm

Well, I remember a little African orphan I once looked after kissing me very inappropriately on the lips... not because he was being nasty, but because he didn't know how else to kiss. I told him that only my husband could kiss me like that, and he promptly proposed. But we got around the problem by inventing a kiss that was just for him... a kiss on the right cheek, the left cheek, then on the nose.

He wanted the "special kiss" to be blowing raspberries, but I told him that wasn't quite the thing to do if we were out somewhere.

He got over it, you'll be glad to hear, and since your son is in a stable family background I'm sure you can work out a special kiss that's just for him, and broach the subject in a way that won't make him feel bad.



Peko
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02 Jun 2010, 8:24 pm

Bombaloo wrote:
I think this is better than licking rocks or his brother or putting other foreign objects in is mouth.


That brings back memories... :lol: :lol: :lol:


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angelbear
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02 Jun 2010, 9:04 pm

Every time I think my son has stopped with the putting objects in his mouth, it comes back with a vengeance. It drives me crazy, as I am afraid he will really put something gross in his mouth one of these days!



Bombaloo
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02 Jun 2010, 10:00 pm

Maybe something really gross would deter mine, I don't know! It does seem like he will stop for a while then I will spend several days in a row trying to get him to stop "feeling" everything with his mouth. Do they ever grow out of it?



azurecrayon
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03 Jun 2010, 9:48 am

angelbear wrote:
I am afraid he will really put something gross in his mouth one of these days!


our 4 yr old aspie is oral also, likes to kiss or lick objects, usually hard smooth things like metal poles or chairs. we took him with us car shopping a few weeks ago in the pouring rain, he couldnt keep his tongue off the wet cars. thankfully most car dealerships keep their cars washed!

know what a banana slug is? they are large slugs that grow up to 10 inches long, about an inch in diameter, and come in shades of yellow and green.

when my aspie was 18 months old, he was playing in the backyard and we found him with one end of a banana slug in his hand. his hand was up at his mouth. his mouth is where the other end of the slug was.

this happened TWICE.

needless to say, i dont let this child kiss me on the lips =P



Kiley
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03 Jun 2010, 9:58 am

My guys are affectionate too. I've just told them that kisses on the lips are for spouses or sometimes people who are thinking about being spouses like boyfriends and girlfriends (I know that's a huge oversimplification but it was close enough at the time). I tell them that sometimes people will give a quick peck on the lips if it's not that kind of situation, but that it has to be really quick. I then suggest other places I'd rather be kissed like the forhead or cheek and other things that I enjoy as signs of affection. So far it's worked for me.

My 11yo still likes to give me a quick peck on the arm. I'm not sure why it's the arm, but he's so shy and has such a high degree of social anxiety I'm not going to try to change it.

Moms usually know best. If you think it's OK and better not to try to redirect him, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. As you say, he's much younger emotionally.



willaful
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03 Jun 2010, 11:57 am

Kiley wrote:
My guys are affectionate too. I've just told them that kisses on the lips are for spouses or sometimes people who are thinking about being spouses like boyfriends and girlfriends (I know that's a huge oversimplification but it was close enough at the time). I tell them that sometimes people will give a quick peck on the lips if it's not that kind of situation, but that it has to be really quick. I then suggest other places I'd rather be kissed like the forhead or cheek and other things that I enjoy as signs of affection. So far it's worked for me

My 11yo still likes to give me a quick peck on the arm. I'm not sure why it's the arm, but he's so shy and has such a high degree of social anxiety I'm not going to try to change it.

Moms usually know best. If you think it's OK and better not to try to redirect him, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. As you say, he's much younger emotionally.


My little guy likes to kiss my hand, too. It's so cute because he does it such a a soulful way sometimes, like he's in an old movie. He's a very serious kisser!

I think telling him that kisses other than quick pecks are for boyfriends and girlfriends might be the way to go. He will then almost certainly go on to say that I'm his girlfriend, but I think he's old enough now to start to learn the distinction.

I just hate to do anything that seems to criticize his way of giving affection, you know? Because he seemed so detached from us as a baby and toddler and I still cherish every drop of it.


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Kiley
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03 Jun 2010, 8:57 pm

Oh yes, you don't want to discourage him just redirect him a little. I'd definitely talk to him in a playful friendly way with some hugging if he likes that. He should know his affection is most welcome and treasured. My middle son is really hard to draw out. If he really likes someone he'll tell them about sharks. He interacts with immediate family and some other close relatives if there aren't too many at once and he has some time to get used to them. He used to be more outgoing. His autism symptoms have developed more over time.