In progress story

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Genre: police procedural
Setting: present time

Link

on a separate website because its already ten pages long (7k words) and possibly growing.
Might not be too everyone's taste and there's still ALOT to add and refinement needed, if you enjoy it great, if not.. well how it goes.

Bookmarked; will read later.

Hi kia! I like it but it is hard to read. I thought I could help revise a few of the opening paragraphs. You are more than welcome to use the following.


What in the hell am I was doing? Dozens of times he kept asking himself.

The wooden deck swayed slightly adding to the nausea swelling in the pit of his stomach. Former LAPD detective Jaffes gripped the railing of the passenger ferry Ellipsis as it drew closer to Los Puerto, an island hailed as the world’s first made entirely of ice. Several thousand tons of thermally conductive, high-tensile alloy pipes keep over a half million tons of water frozen in the form of a diamond; the island's signature look. That's what he remembered reading from the brochure.

He gazed across the deck to a family of tourists as they passed by jabbering away about the island, its casinos and its idyllic wondrous setting. Jaffes overheard them say, “This isn’t cold."

The ferry swayed again making Jaffes resist the urge to pull the Los Puerto’s brochure from his pocket for the umpteenth time. He knew the dancing letters on the brochure wouldn’t agree with the lunch he just had. Feeling defeated he turned from the gently moving sea and walked back to his cabin.

At the door he paused. Jaffes thought he heard a small creaking noise by an old lifeboat nearby. When nothing appeared he cleared his head and walked inside the room. It was a one person room; hardly the Ritz but clean and tidy. He lifted a towel over his head and walked into the wash closet. Not many items were in this room save for the few in Jaffes’s possession that had been neatly organized on the counter top. He turned on the facet and splashed a few handfuls of cold water on his face. As the refreshing beads of water dripped off he took a deep breath. From his reflection he could see his ebony-green eyes staring back at his tanned complexion. He saw defined cheekbones and a pronounced clef in his chin, but the creases in his forehead kept pulling him back to past thoughts.

What in the hell am I doing? The woman had been convincing. Head-hunter pay was better. The crime rate was smaller here. San Puerto would be a brand new place to make my mark. A place without old mistakes. he thought.


If you tighten up the story you may want to consider sending it to a science fiction audio magazine in the UK called Cossmass Infinities. They are looking for short stories, ideally, between 4000 -- 8000 words. Stories should be either Science Fiction or Fantasy, or even a blend of both (Having your story take place on an island made of ice seems like a great Science-Fiction setting even if the plot is a contemporary police mystery). They try to avoid medieval fantasy. They pay £20 (roughly $29) a story, upon acceptance, for non-exclusive audio rights. They'll also take previously published stories. They also don't mind new, unpublished writers. Payment are made through Paypal.

Thankyou for the info, updated abit, edited a fair amount, im afraid its likely to jsut get bigger

More update, 30k words now

Enjoy

http://scribblesnwriting.webs.com/

Another update (slowing down a bit but its so damned hot here)