Do you ever feel like you're trapped inside yourself??

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lyricalillusions
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05 Jun 2010, 11:21 pm

The title probably sounds weird, but I was wondering.... Does anyone else feel like the real you is trapped inside of yourself? Like you can't be yourself & the real you just won't come out & is buried inside of you somewhere?

This might not make sense to a lot (or most) people, but ever since I was little, I've always felt that way. I've felt like there's some sort of barrier keeping me from the rest of the world & keeping me from being able to fully exist within it and be myself. I wrote a blog once about what it's like to live my life life inside of a bubble, because that's sort-of what it feels like. I never posted it here because I don't post blogs here (obviously), but that's the closest I can come to really describing it. It feels like I've spent my life inside of a bubble, or a piece of film, or some other invisible barrier that keeps me from being able to really be a part of the world & really be me in it. But really, it exists within me. Like there's a solid, yet invisible (to the rest of the world) thing keeping me from being able to fully participate or relate or exist in the world, amongst people. I feel like the real me is trapped inside of me, inside of my body, maybe, & I can't get out. I know all of that sounds odd, & I've done my best to try to explain it, but I don't think I've done a very good job.

Does any of that make sense to anyone and can anyone relate? & if so, please explain.
Thanks :)


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05 Jun 2010, 11:30 pm

I can understand that. I dont know about trapped, but I do know that I'm kinda multisided and I can't be myself in many circumstances and depending on who I'm with, where I'm at, what my mental state is, et cetera, I "morph" to fit and adapt to it. I've always done that so I actually feel I dont know who myself is. Though I do wonder if I am trapped or something sometimes. I dunno, it's like wondering what it'd be like to be NT.
I do think that I trap myself somewhat conciously. It's like I build some sort of barrier that separates me from others. When I try to communicate my feelings or say waht I want to say, I often feel some sort of barrier that keeps me from doing so and it's frustrating because it does feel like I'm trapped.
I do like being my true self, but I think I have trouble figuring out who my true self is. Sometimes I wonder if I even know who my true self is. It's like I'm a stranger to myself! Weird, huh?



websister
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05 Jun 2010, 11:30 pm

I think I know what you're saying.
I've felt like an "observer" many times, almost disconnected, even though I was participating, like watching a film.
Is this kind of what you mean?



SamwiseGamgee
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05 Jun 2010, 11:36 pm

I think you described it really well, I feel the same way. I usually describe it as feeling "wrong". I think in my case it's depersonalisation.


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lyricalillusions
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06 Jun 2010, 12:07 am

websister wrote:
I think I know what you're saying.
I've felt like an "observer" many times, almost disconnected, even though I was participating, like watching a film.
Is this kind of what you mean?

Kind of like that, yes, but also different. I definitely am an observer of life, because I don't participate, just observe. But the reason I don't participate is because that "barrier" is keeping me from being able to do it.


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lyricalillusions
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06 Jun 2010, 12:10 am

SamwiseGamgee wrote:
I think you described it really well, I feel the same way. I usually describe it as feeling "wrong". I think in my case it's depersonalisation.

I thought in my case it was depersonalization for a long time, too, until I learned more about it & realized it didn't fit.


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06 Jun 2010, 12:19 am

communication difficulties, lack of theory of mind = trapped, unable to communicate appropriately, relate to people, trapped



DandelionFireworks
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06 Jun 2010, 1:32 am

I feel some degree of derealization or depersonalization sometimes, especially under stress. (You can bet that at a minimum I'll feel it once a month.)

But aside from that, I often don't really feel safe stepping outside of myself, almost as if the very existence of human beings in the same room could destroy me if I stepped all the way out and left myself vulnerable.

I've often felt like there's a barrier of some sort or another, but I've never considered the barrier some sort of... thing intrinsic to me blocking me against my will. Sometimes I create it, sometimes it just exists as a function of the huge gulf between me and the NTs in my life and sometimes it feels like the NTs create it and use it to keep me not just away from them but away from the good parts of the world as well.

When I saw this topic, incidentally, I thought you were going to bash Autism Speaks. It seemed like a logical conclusion.


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dt18
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06 Jun 2010, 1:41 am

I definitely feel trapped. I know that feeling. This is how I feel all the time



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06 Jun 2010, 5:39 am

With sister and cousin i am childish. Sometimes they tell me that i am like an idiot, always laughing, making jokes that only make me laugh, talk about things that they find weird to talk about. With friend i am more calm. I never talk to others about my feelings or show them. Not even with my friends. I am ashamed of myself. With grandparents and parents i am also quiet and won't talk much, but might appear childish or weird. With strangers i might become selectively mute or respond with very few words and become like a statue or a robot.
When i am alone with myself then i am the real me. I feel trapped inside myself. I cannot show my true being when i am with others and they think that i am a stupid when i am not. My whole world is inside me. Nobody can see it looking at me. I seem to be very poor with trying to show my world to others. I think i will be like this forever. I almost never feel loneliness. Only when i am scared and don't know how to take care of myself. My inside world probably isn't something genius-like or very big but at least it is the place i feel safe and home. I like my world but i cannot function much to make it even bigger because of my fear of people. I'd very much like to go out there and do something in real time but only on my own in the range of my own interests.



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06 Jun 2010, 5:55 am

Yes.


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CockneyRebel
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06 Jun 2010, 6:48 am

I felt that way, from the January of 2007, until the September of 2009. Why did I do that to myself?


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06 Jun 2010, 7:27 am

We all live inside our skins. In that sense we are all "trapped".

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06 Jun 2010, 7:31 am

I've felt like I was trapped inside myself most all my life. The only time I didn't feel like that was when I had someone who I really connected with. I think we feel like wer trapped in ourselves because we have a hard time relating to others. We feel like outsiders in society so we naturally retreat/escape inward.


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lyricalillusions
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06 Jun 2010, 11:32 am

DandelionFireworks wrote:
I feel some degree of derealization or depersonalization sometimes, especially under stress. (You can bet that at a minimum I'll feel it once a month.)

But aside from that, I often don't really feel safe stepping outside of myself, almost as if the very existence of human beings in the same room could destroy me if I stepped all the way out and left myself vulnerable.

I've often felt like there's a barrier of some sort or another, but I've never considered the barrier some sort of... thing intrinsic to me blocking me against my will. Sometimes I create it, sometimes it just exists as a function of the huge gulf between me and the NTs in my life and sometimes it feels like the NTs create it and use it to keep me not just away from them but away from the good parts of the world as well.

When I saw this topic, incidentally, I thought you were going to bash Autism Speaks. It seemed like a logical conclusion.


I'm not one for bashing others, though I don't like a lot of their practices (I know that's not the right word). Plus, I wouldn't know what I would be bashing them for, in this case.

I can understand a lot that you're saying, but in my case it has always felt as if there was something literally blocking me from the rest of the world. It's not something I put into my place on occasion, but something that has always existed. Purposefully to keep me out of sync with the world.


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?Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.? _Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)