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cait97
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08 Jun 2010, 8:55 pm

Hi, i've never been diagnosed with asperges ('ve been diagnosed with depression a couple of times but i never followed through with treatment- i saw it as something i could fix in my head because i was pretty sure it was caused by a negative focus in my mind - which i overcame by an intense focus on the positives - now i'm a bit of a hippy :)
i've always know that i'm different. whn i was young i was execptionally talented - i duxed every year at a very goodprivate school - so i thought maybe i was just 'gifted'. Of course when puberty etc came along i began to see that there were other measures of success than academics, and i became distracted and fixated by 'social success', because i was never very good at peer commnication. I had few (but very treasured) friends, who i usually liked because they didn't talk too much and had an attractive depth too them, but i just could not find thenormal motivaion in me to communicate with people in the school yard. i didn't want to look like a loner so i usually sat with people but it made me so uncomfortable (and still does!) thinking there was an expectation to communicate when i just didn't have it i me!
These days i communicate fine with people as long as i feel like i have somethig interesting to share and explore with the person, so th focus is on the thing, not the communication. Thus i've accumulated a lot of very interesting hobbies, but i do rely on them, because without them i feel very hopeless and lost.
I talk a lot and with great confidence when i feel like i have something to say. People always seem exceptionally engaged which makes me feel good but i can also always tell when it's too much about me, so i'm usual very careful not to talk aboutme but about something else which the other person might find amusing, and shut up whn i feel like i'm drawing too much attention. I have poor volume control, my sister etc often have to tell me to be quieter when i'm talking because my projection gets vey loud the deeper i get in to my ideas. I tend to have very elborate and convincing ideas about the world etc.
I'm very verbose, i say abstract things which make my close friends and family laugh very hard because i say them so earnestly. i have a very creative mind because the metaphors i see in my head are more real to me than my perceptions of the outide world. i write poetry. I get mildly obsessed with projects, but to me that always is satisfying, and impressive, and i think is probably why i achieve.
I analyse people and emotions and psychology A LOT, i can't stop, my head is always tryingto get friction on these things and have a formula or an answer that alows me to get on with things. I talk about these things a lot, i find it very hard to stop myself, i write poetry if i have no where else to express it.
I definitely feel like i simulate social norms, because my natural behaviour is abnormal
I don't go out/go to parties/functions wth people my own age - i can't handle it, and have come up with a bunch of reasons to justify it in my life, it's fine if it's with adults here i'm not expected to engage so much anyway.
I've started caring a lot about people lately, i think because i don't want anyone to feel lonely like i've felt. I'm so nice to old people, or isolated looking people, i like 'misfit' kind of people, i feel safe with them and trust them.
people often show peculiarinterest in me, which confused me a lot for a long time so i started ignoring people in public.
I havea boyfriend, he's older and was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. i liked him because of an intesity of focus i saw in him which reinded me of me.. it's a very rocky and intense relationship but at least it's a small bit of guarunteed interaction
I get very anxious if i don't have a guarunteed source of interaction, my anxiety cased me to lose 10kg and contemplate suicide just to escape it, i'm now but it still worries me that it could happen again
I have a more intense focus than anyonei know, i feel at home only with oher people who have a similar focus in their eyes
etc etc
I'm sorry i don't know if ayone can be bothered to read this all, if you do, and think you recognise AS in it, please respond,
Thanks and Regards
Caitlin



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08 Jun 2010, 9:19 pm

Sounds like mild AS you have adapted to very well. Yeah I have similar symptoms but don't really get along well with most people. I talk about subjects too, not NT stuff.

Of course you may not have AS but are somewhere near the spectrum. Try the Baron Cohen test or AQ test,



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08 Jun 2010, 9:24 pm

Hey Caitlin,

Some of what you wrote sounds a bit like me too. I sometimes talk too loudly if I get excited about the topic, I (psycho)analyze people a lot too (and I've formally studied Psychology), I don't care for parties either, and I'm also drawn to so-called "misfits." :)

With that being said, I self-diagnosed with the following test:

http://www.piepalace.ca/blog/asperger-test-aq-test/

Glad you found us, welcome to WrongPlanet.


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cait97
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08 Jun 2010, 9:35 pm

Thanks so much guys :)



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08 Jun 2010, 9:35 pm

You sound exactly like me at the same age....

I would read as much as you can about Asperger's... research from as many sources as you can. If you do this and feel as if you have found yourself for the first time (there will be no doubt), then tell your doctor what you've learned and present it as a possible diagnosis.


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08 Jun 2010, 9:50 pm

Nice to meet you, Caitlin - and welcome greetings to the WP community.


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cait97
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08 Jun 2010, 9:54 pm

I just read the wikipedia article and a few other's before coming here - i'd been looking for information on my boyfind's ADHD - and yeah, everything i read felt familiar and soothing.. like anxity, depression, and general confusion, i believe i can harness whatever my brain is doing for the best.. :)
how old are you now, and do you write?
again, Thanks :)



cait97
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08 Jun 2010, 9:55 pm

:)



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08 Jun 2010, 10:15 pm

Welcome to WP!


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08 Jun 2010, 10:16 pm

As has been stated, you sound a lot like I was at your age. Sounds like you have a lot of Aspie strengths :)



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08 Jun 2010, 10:54 pm

What does it means if you score 45 on the AQ?

About what you posted cait97, some things I identify with, others not so much. Specially not the people part, I don't like people very much, however animals are a whole other thing.



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09 Jun 2010, 3:55 pm

Hello Caitlin, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

Mutt wrote:
What does it means if you score 45 on the AQ?

80% of people with a diagnosis of autism have AQ scores over 32.
So if you score over 32 you might well be on the autism spectrum.
But note that it is not a diagnostic test; so if you want to be sure you'll have to see a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Good luck!


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dyingofpoetry
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09 Jun 2010, 9:46 pm

cait97 wrote:
I just read the wikipedia article and a few other's before coming here - i'd been looking for information on my boyfind's ADHD - and yeah, everything i read felt familiar and soothing.. like anxity, depression, and general confusion, i believe i can harness whatever my brain is doing for the best.. :)
how old are you now, and do you write?
again, Thanks :)


I'm 46 and I am a published poet.


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