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dt18
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22 Jun 2010, 12:34 pm

How many of you find you have a hard time controlling facial expressions?



Brandon-J
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22 Jun 2010, 12:38 pm

I do.......it's because my mind doesn't use all parts of my brain in order for different body parts to move not just the face neither. It can be every other muscle in your body. When you don't use them muscles they get stiff. When they get stiff it's hard to use new facial expressions or move them muscles because they need alot of stretching in which our mind isn't wired to move them.


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CockneyRebel
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22 Jun 2010, 1:13 pm

I have a default face, that I think is quite cute.


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FredOak3
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22 Jun 2010, 2:16 pm

Mine has a default too, but my wife says I always look like I'm mad a t something.



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22 Jun 2010, 2:21 pm

Yeah, I've been told that my default face looks angry, too.

Because of that, I try to always remember to make a smile when I see that someone is looking at me because I don't want to be percieved as threatening. Being percieved as threatening is a quick route to getting locked up.


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ruveyn
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22 Jun 2010, 2:44 pm

My default expression is slight amusement. It is better than being a sour puss.
ruvyen



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22 Jun 2010, 3:03 pm

ruveyn wrote:
My default expression is slight amusement. It is better than being a sour puss.
ruvyen


You are very fortunate that your face naturally falls into that configuration.

I think it is a shame that the relaxed look of my face advertises thoughts and feelings I don't actually have.


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persian85033
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23 Jun 2010, 12:50 pm

I have to work very hard to control my facial expressions when I am thinking of something, but overall, I manage it all right.


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23 Jun 2010, 1:10 pm

I wouldn't say that i have a hard time controlling them.. If i want to raise my eyebrows or smile, then i can do it. It doesn't come naturally to me to use facial expressions most of the time, though. But if i think about it, i can.. I just usually don't, because i don't want to think about what my face is doing constantly. So, yes, like other people here have said, i usually have a neutral expression. This has resulted in people telling me to "smile" all the time since i was a little kid... and to "be happy" even if i was happy. Just yesterday a coworker who should know how i normally am better by now told me to "be cheerful" and i had to explain that it's too hard to constantly think about what my face is doing if i'm trying to do something else.

NTs don't look to me like they constantly have a smile on their faces though, and people don't tell them to smile every time they have a neutral expression.. So, to tell the truth, i'm still a little confused about what exactly they expect.



jmnixon95
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23 Jun 2010, 1:44 pm

I'm typically quiet and my facial expression is monotonous (so is my voice), so, people who don't know me always ask me why I'm pissed off/sad, when I'm really not.



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23 Jun 2010, 1:50 pm

ColdBlooded wrote:
I wouldn't say that i have a hard time controlling them.. If i want to raise my eyebrows or smile, then i can do it. It doesn't come naturally to me to use facial expressions most of the time, though. But if i think about it, i can.. I just usually don't, because i don't want to think about what my face is doing constantly. So, yes, like other people here have said, i usually have a neutral expression. This has resulted in people telling me to "smile" all the time since i was a little kid... and to "be happy" even if i was happy. Just yesterday a coworker who should know how i normally am better by now told me to "be cheerful" and i had to explain that it's too hard to constantly think about what my face is doing if i'm trying to do something else.

NTs don't look to me like they constantly have a smile on their faces though, and people don't tell them to smile every time they have a neutral expression.. So, to tell the truth, i'm still a little confused about what exactly they expect.


The difference is that NTs engage each other a lot and smile when they are interacting with each other. Sit in a coffee shop or similar place and watch people. When someone new comes in the door, most of the people in the room will look up to see who it is. This is because NTs are wired to engage one another so they have to look up to see if it's someone they know and ought to greet. If it is someone they know, watch them smile, give a wave, say the person's name. Even if that's the full extent of the engagement with the other person -- acknowledging their existence -- there will be a smile included.

Another experiment to try to help understand NTs is this: go someplace where "regular people" walk around on the sidewalks and just go walking. Whenever someone approaches you from the other direction, look at them. They will look at you. Say "hello" when you look at them and they will automatically smile for a moment. If you say "hello" and make a smile, nine times out of ten, you will get a big smile back from a stranger and a "how's it going?" or "it's a beautiful day, isn't it?" or something similar.

NTs don't smile all the time, no. But they smile at *crucial* times in the socialization process. That's what we aren't doing that throws them off. It's not that we go around with our faces relaxed because they do that, too. It's that we don't un-relax our face when they want to interact with us. Or that we just don't interact with them at all. We don't do what they expect people to do, which is to be hyper-aware of who the people around us are and acknowledge their presence and interact with them at the appropriate level for the relationship type that exists between us. This is what I learned from sitting around for hours and watching what people do in public places.


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Computerwizkid
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23 Jun 2010, 6:38 pm

i probably do that to i dunno except for the time i did have a job one of the cashiers told me that i had a scary scowl when the fact was i was deep in thought and probably staring at the wall but when i look at the mirror with a relaxed face it seems kind of sad or possibly upset looking so i can see how some times i am told that stuff and when i am concentrating of course i am not focusing on how my face works but i don't think i can help some of my expressions.


here is another thing i can add as a connection.


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23 Jun 2010, 6:48 pm

I filmed myself, with the intention of starting a vlog, and when I watched the film afterwards I decided not to put in on youtube because it looked and even sounded to me like I was really angry about something. I didn't want to put an angry rant on YouTube, especially since I wasn't actually angry at all when I filmed it! I was feeling calm and happy when I filmed it.

No wonder therapy never seems to go well for me! Therapists get me really upset because they keep insisting that I feel differently about things than I say that I do and they say that I'm in denial and start telling me what I *really* want. Enough of that and I just start crying and then they want to treat me for depression. Guh!


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23 Jun 2010, 10:19 pm

Sparrowrose wrote:
No wonder therapy never seems to go well for me! Therapists get me really upset because they keep insisting that I feel differently about things than I say that I do and they say that I'm in denial and start telling me what I *really* want. Enough of that and I just start crying and then they want to treat me for depression. Guh!


That is exactly what happened to me, all the years I was in therapy! Therapists who were basically trained to work with Nts, and then wondering why it wasn't working with me. Frustrating! I have also had them believe that I was lying or covering something up, when I wasn't... :?


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persian85033
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24 Jun 2010, 1:19 pm

I went to lots of therapists before I found out I had AS and found someone who specializes in it. Before, it never worked out.


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24 Jun 2010, 1:42 pm

As has been said, not a physical difficulty, I just don't always know what expression to put on. It seems that my default expression is something like "I will kill you if you talk to me," 8O so it's a good idea for me to put some kind of expression on.

I've been in a relationship for about 2 1/2 years now with someone who I can only describe as HYPER social. Yes, it has been stressful, but he has been wonderful about teaching me how to socialize. When we met, I told him that I'd be ok with 6 or 8 people for dinner, would have a great deal of difficulty with a party of 30, and simply could NOT handle a large party (say, 100+). I'm still not comfortable with a group of more than 6 or 8, but I CAN go to large events without melting down! Of course, I manage that by spending most of the evening "admiring" the host's artwork, but still! Hey, I'll take any improvement I can get! ;)