ColdBlooded wrote:
I wouldn't say that i have a hard time controlling them.. If i want to raise my eyebrows or smile, then i can do it. It doesn't come naturally to me to use facial expressions most of the time, though. But if i think about it, i can.. I just usually don't, because i don't want to think about what my face is doing constantly. So, yes, like other people here have said, i usually have a neutral expression. This has resulted in people telling me to "smile" all the time since i was a little kid... and to "be happy" even if i was happy. Just yesterday a coworker who should know how i normally am better by now told me to "be cheerful" and i had to explain that it's too hard to constantly think about what my face is doing if i'm trying to do something else.
NTs don't look to me like they constantly have a smile on their faces though, and people don't tell them to smile every time they have a neutral expression.. So, to tell the truth, i'm still a little confused about what exactly they expect.
The difference is that NTs engage each other a lot and smile when they are interacting with each other. Sit in a coffee shop or similar place and watch people. When someone new comes in the door, most of the people in the room will look up to see who it is. This is because NTs are wired to engage one another so they have to look up to see if it's someone they know and ought to greet. If it is someone they know, watch them smile, give a wave, say the person's name. Even if that's the full extent of the engagement with the other person -- acknowledging their existence -- there will be a smile included.
Another experiment to try to help understand NTs is this: go someplace where "regular people" walk around on the sidewalks and just go walking. Whenever someone approaches you from the other direction, look at them. They will look at you. Say "hello" when you look at them and they will automatically smile for a moment. If you say "hello" and make a smile, nine times out of ten, you will get a big smile back from a stranger and a "how's it going?" or "it's a beautiful day, isn't it?" or something similar.
NTs don't smile all the time, no. But they smile at *crucial* times in the socialization process. That's what we aren't doing that throws them off. It's not that we go around with our faces relaxed because they do that, too. It's that we don't un-relax our face when they want to interact with us. Or that we just don't interact with them at all. We don't do what they expect people to do, which is to be hyper-aware of who the people around us are and acknowledge their presence and interact with them at the appropriate level for the relationship type that exists between us. This is what I learned from sitting around for hours and watching what people do in public places.
_________________
"In the end, we decide if we're remembered for what happened to us or for what we did with it."
-- Randy K. Milholland
Avatar=WWI propaganda poster promoting victory gardens.