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pekkla
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22 Jun 2010, 3:36 pm

I'm not too bright when it comes to manipulation. Maybe its my AS. Here's my problem--my daughter's computer crashed a week ago. She was really looking forward to playing certain online games with her friends this summer, but because her NT dad has delayed getting the computer fixed, she is still unable to do anything. (My laptop won't support her games). Her dad is trying to avoid buying a new computer but he has bought a hard drive and some "short-cut" stuff to fix the computer. But its not working, and he can't hide his delight with the fact that she is not able to get on her games. She has been spending more time with him and he obviously likes it. Based on my MANY years and experiences with him, I feel he is playing at fixing the computer and delaying it so that she has to spend her days hanging out with him. Yesterday I tried to re-establish my art space in our backyard studio so that he would feel his space was being crowded, to see if that "game" would make him spend the necessary money to fix the computer. But its not working.

I am not savy when it comes to these little "games" and would like some advice on ways to maybe pressure him into spending the funds necessary to fix the computer. (He is the sole support of the family which gives him control over the money). Anyone good at these "mind" games?



Decorequiem
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22 Jun 2010, 3:44 pm

Did you directly confront him on the issue or was the mind game regarding your art space the only step you took so far?



Janissy
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22 Jun 2010, 3:50 pm

It's good for a father and daughter to spend time together. Maybe it's for the best that they are spending more time together.



izmyaspieshowin
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22 Jun 2010, 3:59 pm

he needs to feel his special type of pressure to want to fix the computer. He needs to feel like life is so unpleasant until he thinks it is his idea to make things better. There isn't much seduction won't accomplish either, if you do it right. I know, using "relations" as a weapon isn't good, but it usually works. That I learned from my parents, terrific I know. Maybe that would be a win-win? Also, he seems like he'll do whatever to make your daughter happy. Stage a BF (beeotch fit) or have your daughter do it, to make him see how upset she is. Don't overdo it, but that could help as well. Wow, I didn't know I was this diabolical. How do you know if you are a sociopath? I should research that. Good luck!

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Decepticon
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22 Jun 2010, 4:25 pm

:cry:



Last edited by Decepticon on 23 Jun 2010, 2:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Marcia
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22 Jun 2010, 4:26 pm

Janissy wrote:
It's good for a father and daughter to spend time together. Maybe it's for the best that they are spending more time together.


This!



buryuntime
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22 Jun 2010, 5:19 pm

Quote:
It seems Dad knows best here. Spending time away from the computer to spend quality time with family seems so right.

Yes, because it is bad to have your own interests outside of family or to want alone time amirite?



LostAlien
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22 Jun 2010, 5:28 pm

It's not nice that he's not fixing the computer but is your daughter enjoying the time she's spending with him or is there another reason? Thing is, if he does this lots of times to her, your daughter will loose patience with him.

He doesn't seem to be a nice man and this behaviour seems damaging. These 'games' are not indicitive of a healthy relationship in my view.



Decepticon
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22 Jun 2010, 5:32 pm

:oops:



Last edited by Decepticon on 23 Jun 2010, 2:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

sufi
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22 Jun 2010, 7:03 pm

I think of some advice a counselor gave me: "Who's problem is this?" I know you would like to see your daughter do what she was looking forward to this summer, but it seems that the problem is more between your daughter and husband than it is between you and your husband. I don't think you need to rescue her from no computer because Dad likes the time with her. Let it be. No Manipulations - there is no real satisfaction or honor in that behavior. You did not say how old she was, but she is the one who needs to verbalize what she wants to her father and you need to be the one to tell her this if she starts to whine about not being able to play the games. Life is not a game to move your player where you want them. In the future she will have conflicts with a mate, and she will choose to manipulate that person or to debate a solution or compromise based on what she learns now. Maybe she could earn like 1/2 the money for a new computer.

And sorry Decepticon: I do not believe she should demand anything except to be treated fairly. Material objects are not things to be entitled to. And a threat of 'or else' will only cause an adversarial condition of empty threats from a child.


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hale_bopp
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22 Jun 2010, 9:50 pm

Like someone else said, is your daughter happy? If she wasn't surely she would be miserable or reluctant to do anything with the dad. This behaviour is only "manipulative" if she is miserable.



Decepticon
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23 Jun 2010, 12:49 am

8O



Last edited by Decepticon on 23 Jun 2010, 2:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

Julian94
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23 Jun 2010, 2:14 am

buryuntime wrote:
Quote:
It seems Dad knows best here. Spending time away from the computer to spend quality time with family seems so right.

Yes, because it is bad to have your own interests outside of family or to want alone time am I right?


+1


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ToughDiamond
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23 Jun 2010, 4:21 am

Like somebody already said, it's up to your daughter to decide whether she's happy with the situation, though it would be a shame if she was hoping against hope that he's telling her the truth.

Assuming she isn't happy with it, personally I wouldn't try anything sneaky, I'd just express skepticism about how long this repair job was going to take, and try to put a deadline on it - "OK, if it's not running properly by X, then she's going to have to have a new computer, isn't she?"



LostAlien
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23 Jun 2010, 6:58 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
Like somebody already said, it's up to your daughter to decide whether she's happy with the situation, though it would be a shame if she was hoping against hope that he's telling her the truth.

Assuming she isn't happy with it, personally I wouldn't try anything sneaky, I'd just express skepticism about how long this repair job was going to take, and try to put a deadline on it - "OK, if it's not running properly by X, then she's going to have to have a new computer, isn't she?"

+1

One thing that I'm wondering about though, is the child spending time with her dad because she thinks making nice will get her what she wants faster or because she really wants to spend time with her dad?