Is it possible to have an affectionate AS kid?

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y-pod
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23 Jun 2010, 4:25 am

I just had a talk today with my second son's teachers today. They're very sure he's not exactly normal and should be checked up. I had some idea that might come up one day. Two years ago we had a similar talk with my first son's teachers and later he was diagnosed ASD. Now I'm worried that I might have two AS kids with complete opposite personalities. :(

I always thought my second son must be NT because he's so very different from his brother. He's a sweet kid who likes kisses and hugs and says "I love you" all the time. He does have a lot of similar problems with older brother, like playing alone, not having friends, trouble with change of routine, poor communication skill, frequent tantrums, weird interests...etc. Except he's so affectionate, and always obey orders.

We're going to take him to doctor and get referral of course, but diagnosis can take ages. In the mean time I'm just wondering - is it possible to have AS and be very affectionate?

*For background info, Asperger's run in my family, my dad, brother and I all have it, as well as my first son.



antique_toy
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23 Jun 2010, 5:10 am

i'm not sure.

i wasn't affectionate as a kid though. when my parents told me they loved me i'd never say it back. as i got older i couldn't even choke out "mom" and "dad" when i addressed them. whenever they asked me how i was doing, i'd say "fine." and look away/walk out of the room. i think i make them sad.



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23 Jun 2010, 5:19 am

My AS son is affectionate with me but only with me. When relatives wanted to hug him he used to turn around and back into the hug. Now if he's feeling down he'll ask me for one.



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23 Jun 2010, 5:37 am

I was very affectionate, as a kid, so yes.


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23 Jun 2010, 5:45 am

He could be. As the saying goes, "when you have one person with autism, you have met one person with autism" - meaning that people with ASD are very diverse. So if your son is affectionate, he can still be AS. It's less likely, yes, but it can be.



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23 Jun 2010, 7:24 am

y-pod wrote:
I just had a talk today with my second son's teachers today. They're very sure he's not exactly normal and should be checked up. I had some idea that might come up one day. Two years ago we had a similar talk with my first son's teachers and later he was diagnosed ASD. Now I'm worried that I might have two AS kids with complete opposite personalities. :(

I always thought my second son must be NT because he's so very different from his brother. He's a sweet kid who likes kisses and hugs and says "I love you" all the time. He does have a lot of similar problems with older brother, like playing alone, not having friends, trouble with change of routine, poor communication skill, frequent tantrums, weird interests...etc. Except he's so affectionate, and always obey orders.

We're going to take him to doctor and get referral of course, but diagnosis can take ages. In the mean time I'm just wondering - is it possible to have AS and be very affectionate?

*For background info, Asperger's run in my family, my dad, brother and I all have it, as well as my first son.


Yes, it's possible. As another poster has said 'If you meet a person with Autism, you've met one person with Autism'.



Kuma
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23 Jun 2010, 7:46 am

My son is very affectionate. He has always loved hugs and kisses. He is very sweet and pure in disposition and action.


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azurecrayon
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23 Jun 2010, 7:54 am

yes its possible.

my 4 1/2 year old is an aspie and an affectionate child. in fact his affectionate nature is one reason his diagnosis was delayed, because we ruled out autism early based on that and a few other mistaken ideas. he gives me kisses and hugs a lot, runs to me for a big hug when i get home. he has slept the majority of his life with us, smashed up against my back, and will stand beside our computer chairs and just be leaning against us or near us, and likes to climb into our chairs behind us. ive come to realize some of what we considered affectionate behavior was sensory seeking behavior, he really likes deep pressure contact from us, especially for sleeping.

he tells me he loves me all the time, without prompting and before it is said to him. quite often it goes something like "i love you mommy, but i hate bad guyses." he will only say he likes his daddy. i think part of that is because for years ive told him and his brothers that mommys are for loving on and daddys are for jumping on when theyd start to get too rough with me. in his mind that translates to, you love mommies and only mommies. i dont say that anymore.

i can look at my son now and see how the autism displays in his affectionate nature. he will give hugs and kisses freely if he initiates them, if you take them without agreement he will often pull away. he requires a lot of physical contact and closeness but it stems from a sensory need instead of a strictly emotional need. he will tell you he loves you, but its sometimes used in context with disliking something else, and has to follow his strict ideas of what is suppose to be and not just based on how he feels about someone. his affection is sometimes inappropriately given or withheld; when he met his aunt (my sister, she looks just like me and should be very familiar to him) it took him 6 months before he would hug her, but at the end of the first day of preschool he was sitting on his teachers lap with his arm around her and he is usually very withdrawn around strangers.

so yeah, they can be affectionate. it may be harder to really evaluate since your first child is as as well, but try to look closely and maybe like me you can see things that arent quite typical in his affection. the affectionate nature was a big stumbling block in our acceptance of the autism possibility.



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23 Jun 2010, 8:05 am

I have two students with an ASD and they are both very affectionate toward their mothers.


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Aspiewordsmith
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23 Jun 2010, 9:01 am

I used to be affectionate as a kid towards my mum and my sister. :arrow:



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23 Jun 2010, 9:11 am

My sons can be extremely affectionate and demonstrative, and can also be completely the opposite. It depends on their levels of emotional and sensory stress. When they are relaxed, they will seek out physical touch from me (they love to have their backs scratched softly. It is like a form of stimming for them) and will give hugs etc., but when injured, stressed or upset they do not want touch of any kind (hard to fight the instinct to give them a hug when they are hurt, but necessary because it will only upset them more).



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23 Jun 2010, 9:18 am

It certainly is possible!! I was a very affectionate kid, and I"m still a (relatively) affectionate teenager. :lol:


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23 Jun 2010, 9:21 am

I was affectionate physically when I was a child. I loved to hug people and things, but I had a very hard time expressing my feelings verbally. Like antique_toy, I did not use "mom" and "dad," because they were words that seemed to emotioally atttached. I called my mother by her first name until I was eight, when I got tired of hearing how terrible that was by friends of the family.


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23 Jun 2010, 10:09 am

Yes.


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Marcia
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23 Jun 2010, 10:12 am

My Aspie son has always been very affectionate and loves cuddles and "snuggles" in bed. If anything, he's too affectionate.



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23 Jun 2010, 10:24 am

My AS son is super, super affectionate. To the point that we call him the cuddle monster. And monster instead of anything sweet because he is incredibly aggressive with his affection. It's like everything else with him; he runs at either 0 or 200, and rarely anything in between.

We've had some discussion if it is sensory seeking, and that may be part of it, but I do think he genuinely enjoys affection. He is very picky about who he wants affection from, and getting it from someone else won't cut it.

The affection was one of the reasons we were so surprised when someone first mentioned AS.


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