Autistic/Aspergian Women and Abortions

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I'm currently in a shitter of a situation where I'm about a month pregnant with a most likely autistic child, to an aspie man who I believe to be entirely lacking the qualities of a parent, and have a little 20 month old girl already whom I'm only barely able to care for, to a NT man who I have recently begun working things out with in a fantastic way.

I am suffering from feelings similar to Magnus. When I first met this AS man I had visions of him being a "saint", and now that I'm pregnant with his baby, a processwhich took all of about 4 nights sex, knowing that this child would at least be blessed with an incredible mind, height, metabolism and unearthly beauty, I am rather bloody upset to know I can't really have it. My NT man is my quiet place and I genuinely believe now that I need him, but that also as an effect of his emotional outlook he will not be able to be with me if I have a second baby to someone else.

So, story aside, my real question here is how do ASD women deal during an abortion? Afterwards is not so much an issue for me as I "suffer" from an almost total disappearance of emotions on a regular basis. My main fear is how I will cope with the feeling of invasion in my body, my resistance to drugs, and my inclination towards all things natural and against the unnatural. I am afraid I may freak out and start attacking the people administering it, or meltdown under the drug haze and die inside because I can't defend my body and my womb. I am really quite concerned about how I may react to this.

I can give birth in four hours, but I don't know if any amount of time could prepare me to kill a baby.

Are you sure you want to go through this? I'm not trying to dissuade you if you are certain, but you sound very uneasy with this from the phrasing of your post.

I'm pro choice, but the key word is choice. If you want to continue with the pregnancy, then do so, but not because someone else is using emotional blackmail against you.

If your NT partner isn't a total heel, he'll cope. Or he'll leave and good riddance. Asking you to kill your baby because he can't cope with the 'emotion' is selfishness in the highest order. I'm not saying it won't be difficult for him, but it will be nothing to what you may go through if you go ahead and then regret it.

Also, he is father to your daughter so legally he has to support her financially, so he will still be in your life to some degree.

If I were you, I would google 'abortion counselling' for your area. There are often helplines available for crisis pregnancies and they may be able to give you advice and support. Be careful you get an impartial group (i.e. not Christian fundamentalists) and tell them everything you've written here.

I wish you the best of luck whatever your decision, and please don't let yourself be bullied into something you're not comfortable with.

Have you considered other options:

1. Closed adoption. This is where you carry the child to term and give the baby to a parent(s) who will raise the child as their own;

2. Open adoption. This is where you carry the child to term and give the baby to a parent(s) who will raise the child with the involvement of you. You will have opportunity to choose the parent(s), have visitation rights and other involvement.

I learned about open adoption from Dan Savage's book about his and his boyfriends adoption. He tells about it in his book The Kid.

Whatever choice you make - know that you are making a decision which first involves your own body (therefore your rights trump). Look at all the options available and make a decision that resonates true to yourself - regardless of what others think and feel. It is your body, your life and your decision. Respect that.

If it were me in your situation, I would have an abortion and never look back, regardless of whether or not the child might have autism. And I would explain to my abortion provider that I have AS and request that a sedative or anti-anxiety medication be given prior to the procedure for the reasons you have described.

This isn't advice--I'm not saying this is what you should do, except for the bit about requesting a sedative if you choose an abortion. My point is that it's a difficult decision to make and the only one who can make the right choice is you. Don't let others guilt you into going through with the pregnancy if you don't feel it is in the best interests of the child and yourself. I have a friend who had an abortion many years ago because she wasn't ready and she is now happily married with a toddler and working her dream job, no regrets.

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.

Just a by-the-by, the child's likely autism is only a factor in my being able to adopt it out. I would feel most comfortable caring for such a child myself. Someone else would f**k it up. It's also a positive in that I would be able to relate well to this baby, as opposed to my rather social and active little girl. I realised this might be misunderstood..

Don't worry, this is a very personal decision for me. NT man doesn't even know, I just know he would probably crumble under that sort of situation, and I forgive him that inclination, personally. I think I may ask him, though.

I wasn't sure if I could ask for more drugs as I don't know how they all interact. I will consider this.

It's true this doesn't feel right to me, but realistically, it just seems like a really bad idea to me.

First, let me say that this situation really sucks.

Second, let me say that you are not the only mother who is struggling with difficult relationships.

Third, let me say that you sit on this situation for a few days to a week before you decide whether to carry the pregnancy to term. Whatever you decide, it is irreversible. It's OK to think about it for a while.

I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

Please choose adoption!! I think killing babies no matter what is just wrong im sorry.