Does Aspergers and romance neediness go hand in hand?

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This isn't a critical or judgmental post or meant to evaluate whether it's wrong or right. I'm more concerned if romantic neediness is a trait that people with AS are more likely to have than other people, and if so, is it due to inexperience/not as much experience with the reality of dating, or is it something else?

Its something else. Just as many aspies don't have a neediness problem, and many NTs do.

The reason it seems that few aspies aren't needy is because non needy aspies don't post about their problems because to them it isn't one. I am one example but not all people participate in the love and dating forum - they just don't care.

Its when the person needs others for self fulfillment. Some NTs can't stand not having friends over or being alone, which is the same sort of neediness.

can you go into more detail about what you mean about romantic neediness?

I don't think so.

EVERYONE wants a romance! Everyone would love to find someone they can share their life with and grow old with.

Aspies are having a hard time fulfilling their romantic goals because they are having a hard time meeting new people due to poor social skills. So they are alone more often than not and they complain about it more.

Yeah, pretty sure.

I know that I may appear needy because I have no idea what is appropriate or what to expect from a romantic interest. I don't know how often we are supposed to see each other, how much time to spend togther, if it is okay when I don't get called, or if a promise is broken.

Partners don't understand that I need to be told right out how they feel and where they want to go with me, because I DON'T understand subletlies. If someone does not want to see me anymore, then he needs to plainly say so. If he wants to continue the relationship, but merely has a busy schedule, then he needs to say THAT. If I just see less of him and don't know why, then I will either just run away from it, or become needy by demaning more time together.

Open, verbal communication is a necessiity for people on the Spectrum.

That's not neediness. That's an expectation of openness and honesty. I expect the same thing from my bf.

IMO, if more couples were open and "communicated verbally" (and like reasonable adults), they'd have fewer problems.

"Neediness" is when you have to validate your self-worth by having a relationship, ANY relationship. That's completely different from what you described.

I kind of suspect that Aspies in general are less romantically needy than NTs. Aspies tend to be loners who have obsessive interest so they may need more space & alone time than the average NT. Also us Aspies tend to be kind of straightforward, direct & we are kind of logical(we want things & people to make sense & we want to understand the goal/point of things) so it seems likely that some could be less into romantic stuff.

I myself thou am VERY romantically needy & I think it could be related to my AS amongst other things. I have a very hard time connecting to people & being close to em but I desperately want to find someone who I can have that closeness with & be myself around Sense I have so many issues with most people; 1ce I find someone who I can be close to & be my true self with; I will probably go waaay overboard with it & my partner will become my obsessive interest.

Not sure if all this stuff made sense

Good answer - you're thinking of the whole boat instead of just applying it to yourself and saying "yes aspies are more likely to be needy". In fact most aspies I know are quite happy doing their own thing.

You get several who are extremely needy but no moreso than NTs

My aspie was not needy.

Also, not faithful, but that's another thread.

I have a theory, at least concerning the Aspie men (including myself until recently)...Aspie men go through school and high school without having much, if any, communication with the opposite sex, so they grow to put them on a pedestal...on top of that, they're more sensitive to begin with...so they have this fantasy like notion of women and romance due to lack of experience and lack of social intelligence. Then they get older, and still no girlfriend or dates, and they put women and romance on a pedestal even more, thus many of the posts on this site.

I think its more the fact they tend to look at things with a grass is greener point of view and view "having a GF" through rose tinted glasses. If you're extremely needy, of course having a GF would benefit you but I think they over-exadurate all it takes is one relationship that isn't all that great to throw it back into perspective that being single really has huge benefits too. Maybe they all need a sh*tty relationship first.

That theory does make sense but also some Aspies have a history of being hurt or used by the opposite sex; a woman may of pretended that she liked the guy in order to get something from him or the Aspie may of misunderstood something by the NTs & the Aspie got frustrated over everything & thinks relationships are bad.

I can probably think of a lot more theories that explain why Aspies may not be romantically needy & I could also think of some that explain why they are. I can over-analyze most everything

A lot of people want a girlfriend because it "validates their worth"

THIS IS UNHEALTHY.

Yes, a guy I know IRL actually said this to me. Those words. It seems to me toad is one of the worst offenders of this who I have seen on WP - you are not "useless" or "worthless" because you do not date people all the time or cant get a date.

I agree 150%. I also have a friend who has pretty much said those words to me, she is an NT. She won't end a relationship until she has already started dating someone else. As for me, I'm an AS female and I can do just fine being without a partner. (I'm not trying to brag or anything, just stating.) I don't not want one (sometimes I don't), but I can do without. Right now I've been alone for a little over a year.

As for the AS and neediness going hand in hand? I don't think so. I think it just seems that way because a website made for aspies will attract a lot of people that are lonely/feel like outsiders/etc, and then a love and dating section will attract posters who have romance problems. I have never seen so much "I'll never have a girlfriend, I'm so lonely, I'll never be happy until I have a partner" If you notice, it seems like the majority of posters are males. So I think it would be hard to say neediness went hand in hand with AS based on this here as most of the threads are from males.

I don't need a girlfriend to validate my worth. I do like having a girlfriend to do things with, like intimacy, and other things like swimming and going to movies...I would be slightly sad if I didn't have a girlfriend to do those things with, but it wouldn't be the end of me.