Did I mess it all up?

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So. I met this guy online a few weeks ago, and he's mesmerizing. He's very intelligent and bright, and well versed in many fields of study. We get along very well. Luckily for me, he's interested in Psychology too. In fact, he brought up the interesting trend of Asperger's Syndrome in Silicon Valley at length, without any initiation on my part. I was very impressed/surprised by that.

Unfortunately, after our first date, he said I was very frigid physically, and my possible asexuality came up several times. We talked about it all over the telephone, and that was when his expertise on autism really began to shine through. We didn't talk about 'me' directly, but we talked about asexuality in general, touch sensitivity, and possible alternatives to intimacy in a NT/Aspie relationship.

Honestly, I think I freaked him out with my lack of experience with sex and physical intimacy during the conversation. He's 27 and I'm 21, but as far as sex is concerned, I'd say I'm almost at the 16 year old mark. He said asexuality was natural, the same way bisexuality and homosexuality are natural, so I shouldn't worry, but I know he was in awe of my lack of experience.

So, here's the issue. He travels a lot for work, and so he's out of the country until the fall at this point, so now I'm unsure of what to do next. I don't want seem clingy, but I know already am. I've already messaged him twice,. I think I've pushed him away slightly at this point, because I stupidly told him I was horny during my biology midterm because of everything we'd talked about on the phone the night before. I thought he would be really excited for me, but instead he seemed a little withdrawn, and told me he can be reticent when people tell him important things. He also said he's not disregarding any of my feelings, he just, is choosing to remain silent, or withhold feelings. That is what reticent means.

I felt really embarrassed about it all, and so sent I him back a curt email telling him to enjoy the rest of his summer, and that I wouldn't bother him anymore.

What's going on? Do you think he'll want to work on this with me? Did I come on too strong? I'm like a light switch when it comes to attraction, and I think most people are like dimmer lights. When I start liking someone, it happens all at once and it moves by itself. It's disgusting and opaque and thick, right away. Off/On. On the other hand, I think other people might warm up to others slowly, slowly increasing in light, like a dimmer knob. So I think those two types of initial attraction conflict.

I'm talking too much.

TL,DR : If someone you're interested in freezes up on you politely, does that mean you freaked them out/they have lost some interest?

I was frigid and hated being touched and refused to even talk the first few months whenever I was alone with my boyfriend. He was concerned that he'd done something wrong, and asked me if I was okay about 40 times a day. He realized that I was scared out of my mind and uncomfortable with contact. As soon as he acknowledged that, I realized he wouldn't push me, and after a long time I relaxed. I wasn't even sure I would like anything intimate, and to be honest there are some things I still hate. (and some other AWESOME stuff..that I do like) We;ve been together for two years, and we are doing great. If he is the right guy, I think it will work out. Don't be intentionally curt if you actually like him though even as a friend.

If he isn't interested in anything with an asexual, then it wasn't going to happen anyway.

Who knows, maybe he'll contact you again in the near future or upon his return - gives him time to let him think about anything, if he is thinking about anything.

He's not necessarily uninterested, but if someone freezes up whenever a sensitive topic is broached, that is irritating (I find). Some people can deal with it, but if you're like me, then maybe leave this one as a friendship.

Also, his mentioning AS on a first date and telling you that you are frigid... that's very odd. Whilst it's flattering that he shows interest, be careful he isn't trying to turn you into a project or see you as something to be fixed. Ideally, in a relationship, you want someone who doesn't see you as weird to begin with.

Hmm...@Chronos offers a very probable explanation. If that's the case, it could be that your horniness wouldn't come as happy news to him - after all, he's out of town, and you're horny....not a great set of circumstances.

Or it could even be that he was actually interested in you because of your asexuality, but now you've kind of turned the tables on him by becoming sexual (talking about your horniness)?

Regardless of those issues, I think you reacted harshly with the comment telling him you wouldn't "bother him" anymore. While I'm sure you were embarrassed, that was kind of a dramatic move to make, considering your relationship history of one date and a few weeks of online communication. I think you may want to concentrate on other things this summer, and see if anything happens when he returns in the fall.

You gave him mixed signals. Asexual....then horny???? If I was a guy I'd be baffled by somebody who could flip flop from one to the other so quickly.

If you can get horny then you're not asexual, simple as that

I never once said I was asexual, you guys. It's just a topic that came up between us. I get horny often, and I'm attracted to men and women all the time. It's a non-issue. The issue lies with expressing those feelings, I would say.