The autism social rule book.

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Well back in high school, there was this kid, everyone bullied him. He was probably autistic. He'd follow you everywhere you went. I remember telling him I was walking home and said, "bye", and he kept following me until I got angry. Friends of mine had the same problem.

Always be careful with using affectionate words like "my love", "my dear", "my friend" when you talk to people. People in some cultures get offended by people who talk like this.

Always be careful when you talk to authority figures. Bosses, teachers, police officers, etc. Some autistic people could get in trouble by resisting arrest, or talking back to a school principal, and so on.

General principle: fake a level of participation in group behaviours

Examples:

Ordering an unusual meal or drink in a restaurant can be taken by neurotypicals as a statement, an attempt to get attention, or as a way to show up others for not being adventurous.

Not joining in, even in the most cursory way, with a bitching session at work could mark you out as separate from the group or be perceived as you thinking you are 'better' than the venting neurotypicals.

Doing something alone, or admitting to pursuing solitary hobbies, can be seen as unsavoury to neurotypicals or as marking you out as some kind of oddball.

Analysis:

Neurotypicals seem to see the most inane coded meaning in all gestures and actions. If you go against the group dynamic or consensus, they will project all kind of coded meaning onto this behaviour that would never naturally occur to an autistic person.

They seem to find an almost religious comfort in being part of a group dynamic and an agreed group decision making structure. Autistics don't understand this because we have never lived in a world designed for us, and we have had to build strong independent identity and thinking skills simply to navigate this.

Action:

What I have learnt to do is stay quiet in most group situations and analyse some of the repeated behaviours and traits that come up in the group setting. I then attempt 'low risk' interactions with the group, such as ordering a similar drink as everyone else, or asking simple questions about topics that seem to be of interest to the group.

Neurotypicals will value a cynical, surface level of participation in their group dynamic far more than a genuine interaction that threatens or contradicts the group. Even if they might say otherwise, they tend to value conformity and reflection more than they value authenticity.

Once you get to know people better and can identify trusted figures with a more open mindset, you may choose to unwind a little in certain group settings. For example, having drinks with a handful of vetted colleagues who have shown themselves to be open minded and non judgmental. Do this with caution and be prepared to default back to 'safe mode' if needed.

Amazing ! Same here ! I only realised this was hypocritical, and a form of saying hello, only when I was 20 something.

LOL.

Once, my high school teacher when asked by the class ~how are you~ I had to add that he had a haircut.

Not rushing to say bye to someome, when the interaction is over?

Yes, the autistic brain simply isn't wired for conformity. While others may have thought that I was "the mentally ill one" for so long, if you examine it objectively, it's like NTs have collective schizophrenia.

Seeing insults or defiance or whatever that simply isn't there. Reading into somebody innocently missing a social rule or cue as that person acting princely when they had no such intent let alone awareness.

I also don't like how this unspoken group norm behaviour even pervades across low-context cultures. If you've read up on Gert Hofstede's high vs low context cultures and power distance, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Reading through this long and tedious list makes me want to say "screw it" and just never talk to anyone again.

... Except other furries. They understand that swapping pictures of cute animals is our version of talking about the weather. X3