How do you handle something like this?

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I've been browsing this board and so far is looks like it's mostly NT parents with ASD children. However, I didn't know where else this should go.

I hate being touched. Sometimes this means my own children. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can cope with this without emotionally scarring my very hands on toddlers?

I have a problem with this too. My son is dxed Aspie and he is very tactile. In fact, we saw the OT today, after a 19 month wait!, and she says that he is "sensory seeking".

My son will grab me, sit on me, crawl over me, hang off my neck or lie on my back if I'm kneeling down for something. I sometimes feel that he's always on me in some way or another. And he's 8 years old! I've been telling him for years not to do these thing, that I don't like it, that sometimes it actually hurts me, but he still does it!

So, I guess I don't have any solution for you, but I do understand where you're coming from.

Hmmm...I'm not much help then, because I haven't been able to get away from the urge to push him off me. Now he's a bit older I can tell him not to, and why, and he's a bit more likely to listen to me, but within a couple of minutes he's doing it again.

I just endure it, basically.

*sigh* I was afraid of that. Thanks.

My daughter was very much a touchy-feely child, too, and I am very much not. I was finally able to convince her that I loved her, but she couldn't hang on me like a monkey. Have patience and hang in there. They do grow out of it, eventually.

My mother did not like to be touched either. Hugs were very rare, and snuggles unheard of. My idea of affection ended up being allowed to sit next to her. It is difficult to explain my desire of physical affection to my girlfriends without ending up sounding like I want a surrogate to make up for my childhood.

Are you comfortable initiating touch before they do? Maybe grabbing their hands and kissing them(or their hands). Not shunning but more like a redirection of affection.

Both my kids loved back scratching when they were younger. When one saw the other would line up next. I haven't had the desire for that but I don't mind cause I can talk about what's on my mind and whether or not they are listening we both seem to get something out of it.

This is a really tough one. I experience this too. It does get better with age. Sometimes if you can initiate and control the physical contact like Curlyfry said, that helps, and sometimes you just have to "grin and bear it".

Growing up my mother was not at all physically affectionate. This didn't bother me at all. I didn't actually even register it. But my younger sister who is a sensory seeker and very physically affectionate says that she felt unloved and rejected by my mother. I would never want my own sons to feel this way, so I have made an effort to be as demonstrative as I can. There are still things I absolutely cannot stand, like having my face touched or feeling trapped, but I give hugs, snuggle on the couch, give back scratches etc. As my sons have gotten older, they "hang" on me less and less anyway.

I don't think it will harm your child not to be able to constantly sit on your lap, as long as you are showing affection in other ways.

Thanks, Alice.

distraction and diversion. my aspie son is one of those physical sensory seekers who is on me all the time. im not asd but after working all day, there are times i am just not up to being my sons tactile experience for 5 hours. right now he is smooshed in my computer chair behind my back. and im not small, i take up most of the chair myself sometimes i can distract him with other sensory things, or divert his attention elsewhere, like to his daddy =P

NT kids do mostly grow out of it, altho my oldest at 13 (not dx asd but not NT) has a tendency to hang on you in an uncomfortable manner. his is not so much sensory as a boundaries issue.

im curious about your childrens ages and whether they are on the spectrum or not. those two things can make a huge difference in figuring out why they are so touchy and ways to get mommy more untouched time.

Do you have any extra large stuffed animals for them? Maybe if they had a big thing like that to squeeze, lay on, etc. they would be satisfied with sitting next to you hugging on the stuffed animal. Are there times when you can tolerate touch such as in the morning when you are well rested or is it always uncomfortable for you? I think if you communicate your love in other ways than letting them hang on you like monkeys, they will always remember that Mommy loves them and they do grow out of it. I feel for you, my 4 yo is a real hugger and cuddler, I can't imagine how hard it would be to try to stem this behavior in him if I needed to for my own sake.