A feeling of hopelessness

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The unquestionable fact is, I’m a fairly useless sort of a person. Always have been. Born clumsy, naïve, and lacking social awareness, living for seventy years under those constraints, and AS A RESULT never having achieved anything worthwhile, I’ve finished up feeling as if I’m a genuine loser and rather hopeless that what’s left of my life will ever be any different.

It’s not a good feeling. I’d like to feel differently.

I can’t be unique. Somewhere out there there’s someone else who was just like this, and beat it. Where are you, and what did you do?

Last edited by MarchHare on 15 Jul 2010, 11:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It is certainly not unique, people just train themselves to not realize it about themselves. The more push button society has become the less and less useful and independant people have become. Go and catch a fish, it might make you feel better

I know it may be hard to see it that way right now, but everybody is a worthwhile person. Life is not about accomplishments, or almost everyone would be down on themselves, since most people only survive, they don't do anything great or groundbreaking.

Have you ever murdered anyone? Have you set out to manipulate and harm other people? My guess is no. You are a good, decent person. That is the only accomplishment that really matters,

To try to feel better, you could try setting small goals for yourself, even things as simple as washing the dishes or reading an article in the newspaper or going out for a walk. Then when you've accomplished them you can feel good that you did what you set out to do.

Try to remember that you deserve to be here just like anyone else. Everybody has value and worth.

I'm right here.

It seems that things just happen to others doesn't it? There have been plenty of things in my life that seems to have happened to others as if it were unavoidable, and for some reason it none of it ever happened to me.

A decent sized group of friends, a serious relationship, getting married, having kids, book deals, movie deals, business deals, corporate sponsorship...ok maybe I'm going out on a limb but you get the picture.

But I've managed to achieve somethings in life and I'll tell you how.

I chose something I had been wanting to do, and I did it.

The concepts of difficult, unrealistic, or down right crazy never occurred to me.

I have a friend who drives me crazy because he constantly complains about his life and always comes up with excuses about why he never did things he wanted to do.

Him: I wanted to be a professional (whatever)
Me: Why didn't become one?
Him: The only school was in New York (but he had no obligations keeping him here)
What I would have done: Move to New York and try to get into the school.

Him: The manager at work is transferring.
Me: Isn't that the position you want?
Him: Yes.
Me: So why don't you let them know you want it?
Him: Nah. They won't choose me.
Me: Well at least let them know you'd like to be considered for it.
Him: It doesn't work that way, because whoever is friends with the regional manager and so is they're going to give the position to him.
Me: Did someone tell you this?
Him: No, but I know.
Me:Tell them you want it.
Him: Nah.
What I would have done: Tell them I want it!! !! !!

Anyway, he will try good and hard to find ANY reason he can think of to relegate himself to a life of misery. He only takes initiative to do the very things he later complains about wasting his time with. If he put as much effort into WoW (one of the things he complains about) as he would into one of those things he says he has always wanted to do, he would have done it.

Pick a dream (with consideration to your current obligations and the legality of it all) and follow it. You have no chains on you.

NO, it's not a good feeling at all.

I have felt like this a few times in my life. Each time it was because a combination of overwhelming stressors or trauma sent me into major depression or despair. The truth is that nobody is useless. We all have something to contribute.

What got me out was remembering something that I have to live for, something that I have to offer the world. It only takes one thing and then you start to feel useful again and guess what? I have a hell of a lot to offer!

And I'll bet you have a lot more use than you know. You must have some skills. Think of how you can offer even one skill to others who need it. One great piece of advice I've heard many times is to make yourself of service to someone else to stop the inner negative dialogue.

It doesn't matter if it's a neighbour, a good friend, a church or charity, a hospital, etc. Can you sew, cook, organize, listen well as a friend, do home repairs, garden, tell stories, translate? How about special interests? You could be a fountain of information for someone looking for just your knowledge. I have no idea because I don't know you, but if you put your mind to it, I'm sure you can come up with something you're useful at. When you think of it, do it.

The simple act of doing one thing you are good at, will make you feel better. And then, just take it from there and don't forget to be in the moment and feel good about yourself while you're doing it.

My AS therapist said to me that productivity is in the eye of the beholder, yet we strive to meet a definition of productivity that SOCIETY dictates.

In other words, try and not measure yourself. Productivity can be as simple as saving water, planting some seeds, cooking a meal or having a shower. As long as YOU get something out of it and feel good about yourself as a result.

I am where you are. You just got to get up everyday and keep going, dear one. As all things are in flux, this too shall pass.

Mics

The fact is that as natural outsiders some of us will not run the meritocratic race with any real chance of sucess.

Lots of people have different strengths and weaknesses and if twenty people register for a certain competitive event only three will come in first, second or third, the rest while placing in some other order have failed by the rules of that particular event to be 'successful'.
However, each individual has achieved within the parameters of their talents and level of passion/commitment.

Surely as long as you gave it your best shot and tried to enjoy the process as much as you could you can have done no more?

Choose what matters enough to warrant the effort.

Unfortunately some of us will fail to find events at this particular competition that allow us pleasure in even just putting in the effort at all.

I found some insight from two very readable books by Alain DeBotton,

Status Anxiety

The Consolation of Philosophy

I struggle with similar feelings and also a despair at the state of the human race and it's effect on everything around it...

All I can say is Kia Kaha - be strong and peace j

next to no one stands out or makes a lasting impression .. that is a fact.. how many of the millions of people who were living in 1901 made a lasting mark on history? how many milkmen? how many clerks?

the best we can do is to be the best we can .. its the fact we try and we leave the world in a better place by our actions that really matters

Perhaps I should draw everyone's attention back to the first part of the third sentence of my original post - "Born clumsy, naïve, and lacking social awareness" - and ask for it to be absorbed.

We are all born clumsy, naive, and lacking social awareness. Some of us never outgrow these three things, but so what?

Clumsiness does not make one worthless or useless. Neither does naivete or social ineptitude.

Making the best of what you've got is one of life's more sublime lessons, methinks.

That's easy for someone else to say. Just try living with those characteristics for close to seventy years without even being aware of their existence - so outgrowing them is not an option - and finally realise that where you've finished up is a direct consequence of them.

As a matter of fact, it is not easy for me to say. I've lived with the same as you for 48 years and not known I had AS either until this year. Granted it's a far cry from 70, but I dare say bloody long enough and I've had pain enough to write a book or two as well. I can well understand your anger and bitterness. But, let me make it clear that what I say to anyone, when I do choose to say anything, and that's infrequently, is from hard experience. It's your prerogative to take it or leave it, but I'll thank you not to throw it back at me as an empty aphorism.

You'll get no empty aphorisms from me.

I read your post carefully, I took it seriously, as, I am sure many others did.

Life is what it is, I am clumsy inept, obsessive, weird etc... I try to make use of my strengths and forgive my failings as I try to do with others. I try to look at life as a half full glass rather than the half empty one you seem to be staring into the bottom of.

Again kia kaha and good luck, peace j

Yeah, well. Here's my two cents worth: I lived not knowing how wrong I was for fifty-two years, and then began the voyage of discovery. Yes, I've lived with a bag over my head. No, there's nothing can be done about it. Yes, now I know I've got a bag over my head and there's still nothing can be done about it.

It's no fun. Still, those of us who don't know yet aren't often much better off. Although if I had the choice I sometimes think I'd go back to not knowing. Knowing how severe and unreasoned social judgements can be is hard, Knowing that what we do can help - even the tiniest bit - in decades to come is nearly enough motivation to continue.