misunderstanding of constructive criticism

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Exclavius
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16 Jul 2010, 4:58 pm

Okay, just off of a thread in the PPR section, which, as usual has degraded into a usual PPR ending. Two others perceiving that they're fighting, and me and yet another doing the same thing.... But I don't think ANY OF US really were intended to "insult" anyone or "put down" their ideas... I think all four people on two separate topics were just trying to offer CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM and give our opinions, for what they are, on a topic that no one really knows the answer to.

So, as something very very similar is brewing (or has already brewed in my real life, and a very very important issue to me) I thought i'd bring this up in a topic in THIS forum.

Do you get accused of being forceful when you're only trying to offer constructive criticism, or help people with ideas and tasks they have?

Do you get annoyed when people offer you constructive criticism, because you fail to see it as being intended as such, and instead think it's just them trying to force their opinion on you?

Do you think as an Aspie or an Autie, that you are more or less likely to do either of the above two?
Do you think it has to do with our being so blunt in what we say? So unabashedly honest?
Do you think it's because we don't "emote" in our discussions (when it comes to real life?)

When i tell someone something, most of the time, and this is part of the reason, I tend NOT to tell people what I think of certain things, I always get the feeling that they immediately interpret it as me telling them that they SHOULD/HAVE to see it my way. No. I'm giving them an alternative way of looking at whatever it is we're talking about. They are then free to do whatever they want and think whatever they want. The point is that I'm very blunt. Is that the reason, cause when talking about an issue, I don't think i'm CAPABLE of beating around the bush about... maybe if it's mentioned just in passing, but with no real substantive discussion about it... but once discussion starts, yeah, I call a spade a spade, and I say it like I see it.

Could it all be that NT's for the most part, just don't want to examine things? They are happy to just understand the basic outline and go no further, but an aspie like myself is more concerned with the details inside of the outline, which totally re-makes the whole into something different, and because they refuse to look at those details, they get upset? Because to continue the discussion (especially with me) would mean that they would HAVE to look at the details?

Anyways, that's my rant. Hope to hear some discussion on the topic.



Marcia
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16 Jul 2010, 5:15 pm

Have you considered the impact of tone of voice? This obviously doesn't apply to exchanges on-line, but in real life it may explain why people react more negatively to criticism than you would expect them to.

I think of this because I've just had an exchange with my son (dxed Aspie) in which his tone of voice was actually quite aggressive, even though that wasn't his intention. I know he finds it difficult to moderate, or in fact even understand how tone of voice can affect how what he says is received.

Just a thought ...

And yeah, there are always those who resent criticism, real or implied, no matter how it is presented to them. :?



JayL
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16 Jul 2010, 5:15 pm

Yes, I get into such situations a lot and I think it's because of my straight forwarded attitude.



Willard
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16 Jul 2010, 5:17 pm

'Constructive Criticism' is an oxymoron. You don't fix anything by tearing it down, no matter how well-intentioned.

'Supportive Suggestion' is usually a better approach. :wink:



SoSayWeAll
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16 Jul 2010, 7:16 pm

Man, if you could just get a trademark on that phrase...seriously, that's exactly the problem I have with "constructive criticism." Sometimes it seems to me there's a certain sadism in how some people use those terms. Not all, but some.


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Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? ;) 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.