Deadliest Catch, Phil - Sad for different reason than death

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I've been in tears all night, after watching the special about Phil Harris's life. Yes, I shed some tears for his death; but that's not why I'm crying tonight. This is the only place I could possibly come to try and explain it, and hope that someone else might understand.

I'm a rule follower. I always hoped that by being nice to people and not breaking any laws, people would like me. I don't know any other way to be, and yet I haven't made a single "real" friend in all the years of my adult life. (I'm 38 years old now) I've tried and tried and tried, but haven't ever been able to figure out how to get people to like me. It seems like a great magic trick when I see people all around me making new friendships, left and right.

And, here's where Phil Harris comes into the picture: His life story was filled with stories about him hiring prostitutes, doing "every drug known to man", cheating on his ex-wife, burning one of his kids with a cigarette, cussing his sons out and telling them he never wanted to see them again, etc..... And, YET, he is beloved by so many people! ??????

I liked him too, so I'm not saying he's not likable. The thing that got me so upset is that I've never purposely done anything to hurt anyone my entire life, and no one (except some of my immediate family) gives a damn about me. I've made several Internet friends over the years, but they always come and go. No one who knows me in real life can get past my "strangeness" to care about me.

Does anyone else ever get sad about how easy it is for some people to gain friends/love, no matter many "bad" things they've done, and how difficult it is for us, even when we follow all the rules? I have such a fear of dying and embarrassing my kids, because no one will come to my funeral, except for my husband, brothers, and mother.

Some people like bad boys. I don't know who it is you're talking about, but I would bet that a lot of those friendships you're jealous of aren't of substance.

I believe it's better to be a good person and have a small circle of loved one's than be a schmuck who is loved by many for being a "tough" person. Also just find some people with the same interest as you, that is the best way to make friends...

No. Even though convicted serial killers and child molesters gets hit on by women more than me (also mostly a rules follower), i am not sad about it since women like that obviously has some kind of neurological condition and they want to "save" them - even if the men killed and ate their last 3 wifes, which should be an indicator of how things will turn out.

However, it IS SAD that this sort of men get hit on by women.

Another bit of proof that there isn't someone for everyone and that my soul-mate has been killed in a car crash or abducted by aliens.