Why do people not understand when you explain AS

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johnnydangerous
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23 Jul 2010, 8:12 pm

I don't understand why some people still think ou are "weird" even after you explain that you have AS.

For instance I knew this girl casually for a while, and one day we went out on a date (sort of). Of course I acted sort of bizzare, and I could see she was put off. I explained after that I had aspergers, why I acted the way I did, and would like to remain friends if possible. She said something along the lines of "ummm yeh sure".

Later I found out, EVEN AFTER I EXPLAINED TO HER WHY I ACTED HOW I DID, she still thought I was a "weird serial killer". Her friend let it slip to me how she really felt, after I never heard from her again.

Why would a person think of me as "weird" after I explained why I acted how I did? Can't they understand it,s something I can't help, and if a person realizes they are different, and explains why, they are NOT WEIRDOS? A weird/crazy person DOES NOT KNOW THEY ARE CRAZY OR WEIRD!! The fact that I explained that I knew I was different, and why, should have let her know I was not some nutjob!!

I just don't get it. People can be so ignorant and stupid sometimes. :(



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23 Jul 2010, 8:21 pm

johnnydangerous wrote:
I just don't get it. People can be so ignorant and stupid sometimes. :(


Yes. Sadly, many people still equate any kind of "mental disorder" (which was probably the conclusion she drew, accurate or not) with "weird serial killer."

Media doesn't help matters in this case--just look at LAW AND ORDER.

Not everyone is like this, though. The fact that she is means that she's not worth your time.

Sorry you got hurt like that.


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23 Jul 2010, 8:27 pm

How exactly did you act that might have made her feel that way?


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23 Jul 2010, 8:28 pm

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johnnydangerous
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23 Jul 2010, 8:36 pm

KaiG wrote:
How exactly did you act that might have made her feel that way?


How anyone with AS would act in a social situation. Awkward.



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23 Jul 2010, 8:47 pm

Its best not to tell anyone that you have AS unless you are pushed into a corner. NT's, unless they are psychologists or equivalent, can't distinguish AS from schizophrenia or psychopath. If they catch me acting a bit weird, I just tell them that I am socially retarded. Its a simple explanation and to the point.



johnnydangerous
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23 Jul 2010, 9:01 pm

n4mwd wrote:
Its best not to tell anyone that you have AS unless you are pushed into a corner. NT's, unless they are psychologists or equivalent, can't distinguish AS from schizophrenia or psychopath. If they catch me acting a bit weird, I just tell them that I am socially retarded. Its a simple explanation and to the point.


Cmon man, what are you talking about? AS is a common thing, and its not a big deal. If you didnt know what it was theres this thing called google. Theres no excuse to be so ignorant as to think if you mention you have AS, theyd think you were a nutjob.



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23 Jul 2010, 9:03 pm

Most people do not like things that are different. Different is uncomfortable and not safe.

To be honest, I do not understand why it is so hard for so many people with asperger's to understand that if a person thinks someone is different/weird and the someone tells them "Oh, yeah, I am different (weird) because I have this disorder called asperger's that makes me think differently (weirdly). . . " unless the first person is familiar with asperger's in a possitive way (if they were this probably would not be an issue in the first place) adding a funny sounding name and listing symptoms/pointing out the specific reasons the person probably picked up on, but did not recognize individually, that caused them to think the someone was different/weird, is very likely only going to confirm the someone is weird in the person's mind.

Also, the ability of someone to explain they are different does not make them any less different. Some people simply do not like AS traits. Think of behaviors you do not like in a person or that make you uncomfortable. If someone with those traits was able to explain the psychological and/or biological reasons they behave in that way, would you suddenly not mind or even like said traits?

Study social sciences and psychology to try to understand why people do not like other people they perceive as very different from themselves. If you are able to understand it, maybe you will be satisfied with an explanation and no longer be bothered by it. If not, then maybe you will be able to understand how the availability of an explanation for something you find unpleasant or undesirable does not necessarily make it seem any more appealing.


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23 Jul 2010, 9:04 pm

Last time I acted weirdly in public in front of people I respect and like was when we went out to eat and a waitress came up suddenly with our food from behind me. She scared the poop out of me. She saw that she startled me so she put her hands on my shoulders to pivot me side to side saying your so wide its hard to work around you must have been good at football. Being startled then touched without notice set me off I was sort of befuddled after she did it. I had trouble speaking properly after she did it. Everyone was quiet at the table and the waitress acted weird when she returned to the table. It ruined the night for me lucky for her the resteraunt did not have one of those cards you can rank their servers. I was not pissed off but my friends kept saying if looks could kill that girl would of dropped dead. The more I said I was not pissed off the more they did not believe me. I told them I do not like to be touched because I have Aspergers but they said more like assholeness. :roll:


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johnnydangerous
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23 Jul 2010, 9:11 pm

LK wrote:
Most people do not like things that are different. Different is uncomfortable and not safe.

To be honest, I do not understand why it is so hard for so many people with asperger's to understand that if a person thinks someone is different/weird and the someone tells them "Oh, yeah, I am different (weird) because I have this disorder called asperger's that makes me think differently (weirdly). . . " unless the first person is familiar with asperger's in a possitive way (if they were this probably would not be an issue in the first place) adding a funny sounding name and listing symptoms/pointing out the specific reasons the person probably picked up on, but did not recognize individually, that caused them to think the someone was different/weird, is very likely only going to confirm the someone is weird in the person's mind.

Also, the ability of someone to explain they are different does not make them any less different. Some people simply do not like AS traits. Think of behaviors you do not like in a person or that make you uncomfortable. If someone with those traits was able to explain the psychological and/or biological reasons they behave in that way, would you suddenly not mind or even like said traits?

Study social sciences and psychology to try to understand why people do not like other people they perceive as very different from themselves. If you are able to understand it, maybe you will be satisfied with an explanation and no longer be bothered by it. If not, then maybe you will be able to understand how the availability of an explanation for something you find unpleasant or undesirable does not necessarily make it seem any more appealing.


Like what do you mean? If someone was an ass to me and explained why they were an ass, I wouldnt be too forgiving because thats something they ARE DOING. With AS its about what you DONT DO. So...I dont see how something you "dont do" could possibly annoy or make someone uncomfortable IF you explain yourself. Now if you dont explain, then I could fully understand them thinking I was a weirdo. But no excuse after. None, Im sorry.



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23 Jul 2010, 9:16 pm

johnnydangerous wrote:
I don't understand why some people still think ou are "weird" even after you explain that you have AS.

For instance I knew this girl casually for a while, and one day we went out on a date (sort of). Of course I acted sort of bizzare, and I could see she was put off. I explained after that I had aspergers, why I acted the way I did, and would like to remain friends if possible. She said something along the lines of "ummm yeh sure".

Later I found out, EVEN AFTER I EXPLAINED TO HER WHY I ACTED HOW I DID, she still thought I was a "weird serial killer". Her friend let it slip to me how she really felt, after I never heard from her again.

Why would a person think of me as "weird" after I explained why I acted how I did? Can't they understand it,s something I can't help, and if a person realizes they are different, and explains why, they are NOT WEIRDOS? A weird/crazy person DOES NOT KNOW THEY ARE CRAZY OR WEIRD!! The fact that I explained that I knew I was different, and why, should have let her know I was not some nutjob!!

I just don't get it. People can be so ignorant and stupid sometimes. :(


Okay... here is my take on this story and you're probaby not going to like it, but here goes: General, people believe that if you can provide an excuse for a behavior, then you can control the behavior, and they have a point.

When bipolars tell me sonething like, "I'm sorry I'm asking like an ass today, but I'm a bit manicky," then I will usually say, "Then please check yourself in somewhere, because you're scaring the crap out of me." My logic is that if someone knows he/she has a difference that can potentially be a problem to others, then he/she should be responsible about it. If I think that if there is any chance that I'm going to act weird, I either don't go out, or I provide the warning in advance. If they can't handle it, then there is no date... OR I learn how to handle myself a little better.

Asperger's is not an excuse or even an explanation to give to people who shouldn't have to deal with it if they don't want to.


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johnnydangerous
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23 Jul 2010, 9:20 pm

dyingofpoetry wrote:
johnnydangerous wrote:
I don't understand why some people still think ou are "weird" even after you explain that you have AS.

For instance I knew this girl casually for a while, and one day we went out on a date (sort of). Of course I acted sort of bizzare, and I could see she was put off. I explained after that I had aspergers, why I acted the way I did, and would like to remain friends if possible. She said something along the lines of "ummm yeh sure".

Later I found out, EVEN AFTER I EXPLAINED TO HER WHY I ACTED HOW I DID, she still thought I was a "weird serial killer". Her friend let it slip to me how she really felt, after I never heard from her again.

Why would a person think of me as "weird" after I explained why I acted how I did? Can't they understand it,s something I can't help, and if a person realizes they are different, and explains why, they are NOT WEIRDOS? A weird/crazy person DOES NOT KNOW THEY ARE CRAZY OR WEIRD!! The fact that I explained that I knew I was different, and why, should have let her know I was not some nutjob!!

I just don't get it. People can be so ignorant and stupid sometimes. :(


Okay... here is my take on this story and you're probaby not going to like it, but here goes: General, people believe that if you can provide an excuse for a behavior, then you can control the behavior, and they have a point.

When bipolars tell me something like, "I'm sorry I'm asking like an ass today, but I'm a bit manicky," then I will usually say, "Then please check yourself in somewhere, because you're scaring the crap out of me." My logic is that if someone knows he/she has a difference that can potentially be a problem to others, then he/she should be responsible about it. If I think that if there is any chance that I'm going to act weird, I either don't go out, or I provide the warning in advance. If they can't handle it, then there is no date... OR I learn how to handle myself a little better.

Asperger's is not an excuse or even an explanation to give to people who shouldn't have to deal with it if they don't want to.


Right...because its ALL about them. God forbid they put themselves in my shoes and try to befriend me out of sympathy or perhaps even open-mindedness.

So basically youre saying since I have AS I shouldnt try to date, or even go out. Just lock myself in my room.

Tell you whatI have a better idea: How about I take a gun and blow my f*****g head off. I just seem to annoy people.



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23 Jul 2010, 9:25 pm

n4mwd wrote:
Its best not to tell anyone that you have AS unless you are pushed into a corner. NT's, unless they are psychologists or equivalent, can't distinguish AS from schizophrenia or psychopath. If they catch me acting a bit weird, I just tell them that I am socially retarded. Its a simple explanation and to the point.


I find the "social retard" response to be hilarious. It would probably even get a laugh rather than the weird look you would get if you told them you has AS and they had no idea what it was. AS is not all that well-know yet, and you're right, uninformed NTs may just assume it is some type of mental illness. There is no need to give everyone you meet a reason to prejudge you based on a stereotype. I agree...keep that info for the people whom you are close to or whom you are sure you want to be closer to. It has nothing to do with being ashamed...it's just that AS terminology isn't in most NT's vocabulary....."socially retarded", on the other hand, is language they can understand.



dyingofpoetry
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23 Jul 2010, 9:40 pm

johnnydangerous wrote:
dyingofpoetry wrote:
johnnydangerous wrote:
I don't understand why some people still think ou are "weird" even after you explain that you have AS.

For instance I knew this girl casually for a while, and one day we went out on a date (sort of). Of course I acted sort of bizzare, and I could see she was put off. I explained after that I had aspergers, why I acted the way I did, and would like to remain friends if possible. She said something along the lines of "ummm yeh sure".

Later I found out, EVEN AFTER I EXPLAINED TO HER WHY I ACTED HOW I DID, she still thought I was a "weird serial killer". Her friend let it slip to me how she really felt, after I never heard from her again.

Why would a person think of me as "weird" after I explained why I acted how I did? Can't they understand it,s something I can't help, and if a person realizes they are different, and explains why, they are NOT WEIRDOS? A weird/crazy person DOES NOT KNOW THEY ARE CRAZY OR WEIRD!! The fact that I explained that I knew I was different, and why, should have let her know I was not some nutjob!!

I just don't get it. People can be so ignorant and stupid sometimes. :(


Okay... here is my take on this story and you're probaby not going to like it, but here goes: General, people believe that if you can provide an excuse for a behavior, then you can control the behavior, and they have a point.

When bipolars tell me something like, "I'm sorry I'm asking like an ass today, but I'm a bit manicky," then I will usually say, "Then please check yourself in somewhere, because you're scaring the crap out of me." My logic is that if someone knows he/she has a difference that can potentially be a problem to others, then he/she should be responsible about it. If I think that if there is any chance that I'm going to act weird, I either don't go out, or I provide the warning in advance. If they can't handle it, then there is no date... OR I learn how to handle myself a little better.

Asperger's is not an excuse or even an explanation to give to people who shouldn't have to deal with it if they don't want to.


Right...because its ALL about them. God forbid they put themselves in my shoes and try to befriend me out of sympathy or perhaps even open-mindedness.

So basically youre saying since I have AS I shouldnt try to date, or even go out. Just lock myself in my room.

Tell you whatI have a better idea: How about I take a gun and blow my f***ing head off. I just seem to annoy people.


No. I am telling you that if you misbehave, then you need to chalk it up to experience, learn from it, and try better next time. That is just a basic part of the experience of life.

And if you seriously want to blow your head off, then you need to go to a hospital.


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23 Jul 2010, 9:44 pm

Just cannot really know. I'd guess....fear of the unknown? In fact, now I virtually never mention, to anyone, that I am an Aspie/HFA, even if they *might* suspect or notice that difference. Basically because of what you've described as others can be really unreasonable and have erroneous ideas shoved into their heads.

I'd imagine too, for myself, I am intelligent and do well.....but still nevertheless Autistic. Plus, apparently I don't "look" Autistic (don't know what that's supposed to mean though). Unfortunately, some NTs still regard Autism as something 'shameful' or 'sick.'

Worse, another will read a newspaper article or watch a TV program, then think they are an expert and feel some need to advise. That's painful!! ! Advice givers are the worst, IMO. *SCHADENFREUDE ALERT*

(To note: I actually met an ignorant bossy psychologist who insisted we are (quote) "Aussies," not understanding the term "Aspie." :roll: ) ***ding ding ding...we're not Autistic, we're Australian***

I've considered this too (sort-of as CockneyRebel wrote) - - In Alaska there are porcupines (one of my favorites). Porcupines are adorable; very gentle and non-aggressive. They are also very clever little tree dwelling creatures that keep to themselves. Porcupines have quills as they have virtually no other defense mechanism; porcupines are vulnerable. BUT some people still persist in the erroneous belief that porcupines "shoot" their quills (no! not even possible) and they are therefore somehow "mean" (no! the contrary). Porcupines are often killed by people...for no reason. Since porcupines are curious/gentle, they'll often approach - then to be clobbered by ignorant humans that just don't know any better. Since porcupines live in trees (they are climbers) and are relatively slow-moving (on the ground) they are easy targets. People just 'see' those quills....and not much else.

Fear is a form of bigotry. People can be painfully illogical and very cruel. Now that's socially retarded. Geez...and they tell us we're not empathetic - huh?

We need far better PR.


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Last edited by LabPet on 23 Jul 2010, 9:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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23 Jul 2010, 9:48 pm

johnnydangerous wrote:
I don't understand why some people still think you are "weird" even after you explain that you have AS.

For instance I knew this girl casually for a while, and one day we went out on a date (sort of). Of course I acted sort of bizarre, and I could see she was put off. I explained after that I had aspergers, why I acted the way I did, and would like to remain friends if possible. She said something along the lines of "ummm yeah, sure".

Later I found out, EVEN AFTER I EXPLAINED TO HER WHY I ACTED HOW I DID, she still thought I was a "weird serial killer". Her friend let it slip to me how she really felt, after I never heard from her again.

Either you did something a whole hell of a lot more bizarre than you thought, or she is shallow and unforgiving, or a combination of both.


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