I want a relationship NOW!! !

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I'm 18 1/2 and I want friends that are girls but I also want a relationship and I can't stop thinking about sex...I mean when you've never even kissed a girl, let alone have sex, you can imagine how crazy you can be.

First I want NO ONE TO SAY 18 IS A YOUNG AGE AND THERE IS NO SHAME

I keep trying to talk to girls...maybe I have high expectations or I get nervous talking to cute girls because of thoughts of sex. I wanna say first off that I need to figure out how to talk to girls first...When it comes to the relationship part I want to have a good person and attrictiveness would be a bonus...Now I would say I'm maybe an above average looking guy but I'm not no Brad Pitt (or whoever the girls like, lol) I'm a little chubby but I work out so I'm not fat looking.

The thing is every time I try to talk to a good-looking girl, it doesn't work and I don't want to lower my expectations...now so no one misunderstands me this is about friendship and relationships. I'm friendly with everyone so it doesn't matter how unattrictive a girl looks.

Am I being hypocritical or lack thereof a better word when saying I'm looking for friends that are girls but I want them to be decent looking, I'm not saying I want a supermodel, I'm content with friends that are girls that aren't great looking but when it comes to a relationship I want a decent looking girl, obviously with a good personality.

I feel like I can chat with average looking girls obviously without getting nervous like attrictive girls so I'm not sure what to think.

I wanna say though that I don't know how to talk to girls, have not one friend thats a girl to talk to, hang out with, and I don't know how to initate realtionship or conversation for that matter...

For example I saw a cute girl in the gym one day and saw that she graduated this year (I graduated last year) from her shirt but from a different school. We both glanced at each other and she didn't seem interested but I was thinking of saying something but there was one problem...I had no clue what to say...something about where she graduated from?...but how do I start the conversation?...Whats up?...How's it going?...What's you're name?

^That's what I need help with!! ! and I really want help fast...I feel my friends and family are embarrased a little and I am growing tired of not having someone to love...I didn't go to any proms or my senior ball and that really gets me upset...I want girls in my life and I want it fast!! !

i didn't even have a relationship til i was 19.
as much as you don't want to hear it, 18 is kinda young.

"a watched pot never boils"

shut up man
Screaming NOW NOW will do nothing.

As clichèd as this sounds, you're not the only one.

I'm the same age as you, and too, I haven't kissed a girl, had a relationship, or sex.

There was a prom when I left school. Girls were with other boys, so what? Big woop. I still had a right laugh. Trust me, friendship is better. Best mates are a privelage too.

And don't worry about your appearance, I'm a little bit chubby, but try to see a girl for their personality, not for their good looks, which promotes the thoughts of wanting sex with them.

It just takes time, there's no need to rush. I'm not, I've got better things on my mind to worry about than something that could complicate things.

What SeanMW, has said is true as well. I was gonna quote him, but I felt like I've got a little bit more to say. No offense on your behalf Sean.

No need to worry, it'll happen when you least expect it. Besides, if your family is so bothered, you haven't found love yet, maybe they could help you?

Hope this helps, coming from a guy who's had no experience of love, but has seen it all and heard it all before through talking about it, with mates new and old.

Last edited by Alternative on 07 Aug 2010, 2:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

<sarcasm>Posting on internet forums will surely solve everything.</sarcasm>

I don't understand why everytime I post I get these remarks because I never see this anywhere else. I just want to know why I don't know what to say or such...can someone analyze the situation I put below and what you would of said or did.

I know I'm not alone...but I don't want to be in this category, all my friends except for one is unlike me, me and my one friend are the only people I know without a girl-friend in our lives.

Hell I'm going to therapy for this and other issues...I'm a troubled person, I don't like myself and I am trying to gain self-respect and confidence by talking to a therapist after how school went for me (getting picked on, etc...)
I just want something to go right for me...I never have luck with anything I do and I'm growing tired of it.

Thanks for the help...well at least some of you

I met my first g/f at 20. Whether I may have AS or not, our relationship was a highly amplified version of one from Adam. At first she was attracted, then she realized I was depending on her to interface with the world. This repulsed her, and forced me to grow up a bit.

i am in completely the same boat as you are OP and i wish you the best of luck as well as myself. i get scared to talk to girls also

I WANT AN IPAD NOW! SOMEONE ON THIS FORUM BETTER SHIP ME ONE BY TOMORROW!

YOU BETTER NOT TELL ME TO JUST BUY ONE!! !

Well, what did you expect to happen when you posted? Did you actually think that the girl of your dreams would see your post and *BAM* write to you? I had similar problems (like most others here) looking girls in the eye until i was around 20 and i KNOW that it won't "go right" for you until YOU change, by yourself or with the help of therapy. Expecting a girl to change to your world and be open minded to Autism is like expecting rain not to make you wet, especially if you want a girl in your own age: I've been a teacher and i can say that very few girls at that age use their braincell (*) for anything closely related to empathy.

(*singularis form intentional)

To put it short: You're not the first alien to be put on this planet by mistake. Over there is the queue to love, please go back to the back and wait for your turn.

Take it from someone who learned this the hard way-- "because everyone else has one" is a bad reason for wanting a significant other. I used to drive myself nuts over this. But a relationship isn't something you just undertake on a whim-- if you want it to last, it has to be based on a foundation of give and take, and mutual respect. In the meantime, my advice to you is to do what I did: realize that coveting what others have is only going to make you unhappier in the long run.



See, now, this is part of your problem. You're thinking of yourself as "incomplete", and a relationship in terms of it "completing" you. I used to fall into that trap myself all the time. I know the thought process behind this seems logical to you, but this is backwards. It is not the relationship that is the means and the self-confidence that is the end, but vice versa; self-confidence is more likely to lead you to success with relationships. Self-respect doesn't come from anyone else but you-- why do you think it's called self-respect?

I know at the moment that this seems to present you with one hell of a catch-22. I've been through that myself. When I was your age, I was deeply traumatized by my own experiences throughout my childhood. The only way to conquer it is with time and inner fortitude, and learning how to let the words of the naysayers roll off your back. First and foremost, you have to let go of the negative opinions from outside. Don't empower them by giving them validity. Respect yourself-- because if you don't, nobody else will either.

Desperation is a big turn-off for wimmin, I believe.

Well, if she didn't look interested, I wouldn't approach. What you're supposed to do is smile and see how she responds. If she doesn't reciprocate, it's cool, you were just being friendly, and if she does, then you can attempt conversation.

Conversation: Simply say "hey, my name is (whatever), what's yours?" If she's in a gym, ask her about her workout. Use the context of wherever you are and whatever is happening to create conversation. Listen to what she says and use it as a jumping off point for further conversation. Be receptive and let her do the majority of the talking.

If you find the conversation is going well, then maybe you can slip in an invitation for coffee, or whatever 18 year olds do. Do that as you leave; tell her that you've got to go or get back to what you were doing, but you really enjoyed talking to her, would she maybe like to (blah blah).

And practice is important. The more you try, the better you get. Make failure your teacher, don't fear it, embrace the lesson.

Oh, and patience is essential.

Ichinin, you're one to talk. You've made similar posts before.

As for the OP, you've been given some good advice. A girlfriend in your situation would lilkely make things worse believe it or not.

Also, it seems like you want a girlfriend, to be kissed, and to have sex just because "Everyone else is doing it."

Another thing, and I'll try to be as nice about this as possible...you say you're kind of chubby...and you want to date hot girls...and they don't seem to reciprocate and you can't look them in the eyes. If you want a girlfriend that bad, pay attention to the chubby girl that is actually giving you attention. Whether you want to face facts or not...she is in your league. In fact, she's likely better than you at the moment due to your self-esteem issues.

I agree, but lets not throw stones. Everyone is hypocritical at one point in their lives.

Just, please don't be a**holes in help sections, guys.