Could guys really be avoiding me due to this?

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blue_bean
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08 Aug 2010, 7:18 am

Some guy from my hometown was talking to me tonight on MSN and he's given me a complex now which I can't seem to shake off.

Quote:
Alterego: this is probably fairly offensive, but why dont you have 3 kids?
amelia: Am I supposed to have 3 kids by now?
Alterego: a girl from [place redacted] with a brain who doesnt have 3 kids is pretty rare
Alterego: your out and about in the cbd, you should realise these things
amelia: well colour me oblivious!
amelia: there must be a catch with me somewhere
amelia: like, I have 4 arms or something
Alterego: exactly
Alterego: good looking
Alterego: job
Alterego: there must be a catch


I haven't been getting many replies on the dating website I'm on.

Could guys be avoiding me because I seem to be too good to be true? I mean, they see that I don't have these things like "normal" women my age have (3 kids & a centrelink payment) and assume there must be something wrong with me? There is a catch: thought I'm not diagnosed with AS, I certainly am different and behind with a lot of things. Should I somehow address this in my profile?



Peko
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08 Aug 2010, 7:30 am

That sounds odd to me. I've never heard of a guy complaining that a woman doesn't have kids and I personally feel if your not ready for kids, don't have them. Whether you address any problems you have on your profile is up to you. It's not something I'd worry about.


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Ichinin
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08 Aug 2010, 7:36 am

To some, you may sound too good to be true, but if you lived in Sweden, you sound like you'd be yet another girl living on her own with a career too busy for a relationship. Like most of them :P

No, do NOT address Aspergers in your profile. People are morons and assume things that you're really not, they cannot tell the difference between Aspergers and a hole in the ground. I had one run in with some girl that appeared nice, but she thought that all with Autism and Aspergers had no empathy and were incapable of loving someone - f*****g idiot, that's why it is best to talk to people without letting them know too much about yourself.


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Erisad
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08 Aug 2010, 8:16 am

Yeah, DON'T put AS on your profile. I did for the first few days and got little response (One guy that was into clinical psychology who probably wanted to befriend me as a thesis topic or something) . As soon as I took it down, more people started to message me. :)

As for complaining about having kids, that happened to a friend of mine. She fell in love and married a guy who then demanded her to have children because "that's what women are supposed to do." She had two kids against her will that way. Granted, she still loves them and is a good mother, she just wasn't ready. Luckily, they are divorced now. D:

So if he's complaining about that, AVOID him. He could very well be an abusive chauvinistic as*hole. *nod nod*



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08 Aug 2010, 8:24 am

come to think of it, my mom was probably pregnant with her 3rd kid at age 26.
Or, at least if i got the years right. 'cause my mom had me when she was 20. & i think my little bro popped out when i was 6 :lol: .


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happymusic
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08 Aug 2010, 9:22 am

In the places I've lived (mostly on the East Coast), at least among my peers, very few people had kids by the time they were 26. Usually they were 30 or older. At 26 you should still be living it up and having fun. This isn't the 50s - that's a really weird thing for him to say.

And usually I think most people are put off (or at least hesitant of getting involved) by a single woman with kids.



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08 Aug 2010, 9:24 am

happymusic wrote:
And usually I think most people are put off (or at least hesitant of getting involved) by a single woman with kids.

I've never understood that. Why is that so?



Erisad
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08 Aug 2010, 9:27 am

Tiggurix wrote:
happymusic wrote:
And usually I think most people are put off (or at least hesitant of getting involved) by a single woman with kids.

I've never understood that. Why is that so?


More responsibility is involved. Not to mention kids are expensive. D:



Tiggurix
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08 Aug 2010, 9:32 am

Erisad wrote:
Tiggurix wrote:
happymusic wrote:
And usually I think most people are put off (or at least hesitant of getting involved) by a single woman with kids.

I've never understood that. Why is that so?


More responsibility is involved. Not to mention kids are expensive. D:

Wouldn't it be worth it anyway if you really did fit with her? Besides, children bring colour into your life, or so I've heard, and you can always add your own later, so the more the merrier! :)



Erisad
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08 Aug 2010, 9:33 am

Tiggurix wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Tiggurix wrote:
happymusic wrote:
And usually I think most people are put off (or at least hesitant of getting involved) by a single woman with kids.

I've never understood that. Why is that so?


More responsibility is involved. Not to mention kids are expensive. D:

Wouldn't it be worth it anyway if you really did fit with her? Besides, children bring colour into your life, or so I've heard, and you can always add your own later, so the more the merrier! :)


For me, yes it would. Most people don't look at it that way. Some people look at them as baggage that get in the way of happy sexy time. I don't get it either. I love kids. They're so cute. ^_^



happymusic
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08 Aug 2010, 9:36 am

Tiggurix wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Tiggurix wrote:
happymusic wrote:
And usually I think most people are put off (or at least hesitant of getting involved) by a single woman with kids.

I've never understood that. Why is that so?


More responsibility is involved. Not to mention kids are expensive. D:

Wouldn't it be worth it anyway if you really did fit with her? Besides, children bring colour into your life, or so I've heard, and you can always add your own later, so the more the merrier! :)


I agree, but yeah, that's not how a lot of people feel. My stepdad married my mom anyway and it was one of the best things that ever happened in my life. He's not close to his own kids, but he and I have a very close bond. So, if someone dismisses a woman just because she has kids, they could really be missing out.



Tiggurix
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08 Aug 2010, 9:38 am

Erisad wrote:
I love kids. They're so cute. ^_^

Meh, I'm not sure. Kids can be ruthless bastards. I should know, I was one of them! ;)



Last edited by Tiggurix on 08 Aug 2010, 9:41 am, edited 2 times in total.

happymusic
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08 Aug 2010, 9:38 am

Tiggurix wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Tiggurix wrote:
happymusic wrote:
And usually I think most people are put off (or at least hesitant of getting involved) by a single woman with kids.

I've never understood that. Why is that so?


More responsibility is involved. Not to mention kids are expensive. D:

Wouldn't it be worth it anyway if you really did fit with her? Besides, children bring colour into your life, or so I've heard, and you can always add your own later, so the more the merrier! :)


I agree, but yeah, that's not how a lot of people feel. My stepdad married my mom anyway and it was one of the best things that ever happened in my life. He's not close to his own kids, but he and I have a very close bond. So, if someone dismisses a woman just because she has kids, they could really be missing out.



blue_bean
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08 Aug 2010, 9:47 am

happymusic wrote:
In the places I've lived (mostly on the East Coast), at least among my peers, very few people had kids by the time they were 26. Usually they were 30 or older. At 26 you should still be living it up and having fun. This isn't the 50s - that's a really weird thing for him to say.

And usually I think most people are put off (or at least hesitant of getting involved) by a single woman with kids.


He was just highlighting how unusual it was that there was a girl in the town we live who was 26 and had no kids. Apparently most other girls my age in our locality have such according to him. Well, I'm hesitant to date a divorced dad with kids so I guess guys must be the same in regards to women, unless they have kids of their own, then they can't really talk can they. Me having no kids, being previously unmarried and having a job makes me look like the most desirable catch to him, but he's implying that there must be some hidden negative quality about me which makes me...... not such a good catch. Maybe every other guy on the dating site is thinking the same thing when they see my profile. Undesirable if I did have kids, still undesirable if I don't? I don't get it :?



happymusic
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08 Aug 2010, 9:52 am

I think he's a fluke, honestly. Is he very young? Because I imagine a guy of about 30 or so wouldn't have a problem with a 26yo without kids. It just seems like a sort of uninformed thing to say.

I am totally baffled. lol