THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY

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This is Daniel. I'm writing again. This is what happened today.

Mommy is diabetic. She takes insulin. Daddy reads up on this. He claims I cause her lots of stress. He claims so does he. So now we both cause mommy stress. Daddy never calms down. Neither do I. Daddy claims I have to change my ways. Daddy claims he needs to change his ways. Both argue so much. But it never ends. How dare he tell me to change my ways! How dare he! I yell that if I have to change my ways I move out. I got kurt. Mommy gets pissed. She yells for me to move out then. Who the f**k does she think she is? I drink my soda. I throw the can onto the floor. Now we all get pissed. Its better that way. This whole damn family is dysfunctional.

I look back on it. I think I raged for stupid reasons. The tension just builds up. Nobody criticizes me. Nobody! Nobody tells me to change my ways. Nobody. I need to be seen as sick. Weird. I have to. I cant survive otherwise.

I know this book. Aspergers syndrome and difficult moments. Mommy read it. Daddy read it. I read it. They dont care. If I go in a rage then they supposed to keep their mouths shut. Let me calm down. They dont do that. I dont change unless they do that. Liars! All of you! YOU DAMN LIARS!

Your parents seem to care very much about you. Everyone makes mistakes. The fact that they are concerned about you changing your ways means that they care about you. Even though you don't like to change your ways, they didn't say this to try to upset you. They said this because they cared about you.

As for your family being dysfunctional, whose family isn't?

I also get upset when people tell me to change my ways so I understand how you're feeling. I hope this helps.

Tell me how everything goes! Maybe if your parents read this post, they'd be able to understand you better but you don't have to show it to them if you don't want to.

As I said in another thread, there's no such thing as a Perfect Parent. That doesn't mean that our parents don't love us.

Danny:

In reality, who can you control?

You can't control your mom. You can't control your dad. If they have issues between them, that's not your fault.

You can only control yourself. (I wish I'd said that, but that's what a psychiatrist once told me, and I thought about it, and that's true). I'm not magic. I can't control my kid when he has a melt down. I can't control my wife when she gets angry. And I am not to blame for either of their problems.....to the extent that when she gets mad at me, if I've really tried hard not to make her mad, I can't do anything about the fact that she gets mad anyway.

My kid is another matter, I have to enforce certain things (you have to go to school...and so on) which he doesn't like, but that's my job. So if he gets angry at me for doing my job, I can't help that. So when either of them get angry at me, and it's a problem that I tried to avoid, or that I couldn't help, or it was something that was my job....I walk away.

I take myself out of the situation. I'm sure I make my wife mad occasionally, I know I make my kid mad all the time, but he's 17, and he's an aspi, that's his job. The rest of the time, he's a pretty neat kid. And being an Aspie, I'm probably not the easiest guy to live with, I'm not blameless.

How does this apply to you. Well, as far as I know, nerves don't control the pancreas, where insulun is produced, so making your mom nervous might get you screamed at, but you're not making her condition worse unless she has high blood pressure too, and in that case, she should have medication for that. I do.

Getting your dad mad is probably not a good idea, because if you live with them, it can cause unpleasant consequences. The only person you can control is you. And in that situation remember this. The most powerful person in a room is the one who says nothing, the one who does nothing but look straight faced and remain calm. When they're through yelling, turn around and walk out quietly. Go for a walk, go to your room, do whatever calms you down. It can really work, if you can remember to say nothing, or if you have to say something, say it very quietly.

Sometimes kids have to teach parents by example. It might not be an easy role, but think of what you're going to need to do with your own kids, when you get angry, and remember how much you hated being screamed at.

Good luck.
Beentheredonethat