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zeldapsychology
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14 Aug 2010, 9:15 pm

I'm pretty sure I've made a topic like this in the past so sorry LOL! Today while in the mall my sister had to buy a stroller since the nephew was throwing a tantrum I said sorry (the older sister said it wasn't my fault why say sorry) Later she said she couldn't eat much because of a bump on her lip I said sorry you can't eat much again why say sorry. (was her reply) These things aren't my fault but I tend to say sorry ALOT! I also do this while online FB chatting with a friend "sorry if I'm bothering you." etc. So do YOU say sorry alot and why do you think we do it? I'm not too certain. If I had to give a reason the college suspension damaged me psychologically to my core so I tend to say sorry and feel like I'm bothering people alot. What do you think the reasons are? Thanks.



Hanotaux
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14 Aug 2010, 10:28 pm

I do this too.

I guess I always instinctively feel I am messing up socially and doing "the wrong thing" and stuff like that. All my life I always "faux pas" in social situations so I guess I'm always just assuming I'm messing up. Also I think its just being insecure and not confident and not wanting to cause trouble. I don't know.



whatsurbid
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14 Aug 2010, 10:49 pm

Yeah me too...

Most of the times because I'm not sure if I said something wrong or not



DonDud
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14 Aug 2010, 11:03 pm

Apology has never come naturally to me. My inclination, especially when younger, was to explain why I did something, or why I failed. Everyone else calls this an "excuse," and I've always hated being accused of "making excuses." I didn't think of it as shifting blame or trying to weasel out of trouble, I just wanted to lay out the facts. While I still prefer to explain myself over simply saying "sorry," I often just do the "sorry" because people expect it. Maybe people don't care about the details or the whys, just the [potentially meaningless/insincere] word of apology.

I don't think I say it a lot, like you do, but maybe it's because you're afraid you don't know when "sorry" is appropriate or required, so you use it all the time, just to make sure you don't miss when you're supposed to. Just a guess.



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14 Aug 2010, 11:07 pm

I catch myself doing this all the time too.

I think its because as a kid I always seemed to be unintentionally making people upset, interupting them, or breaking some social rule. It just became a habit.

My son also has AS and he does it too. ( he is 6)



IdahoRose
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14 Aug 2010, 11:58 pm

I apologize so much that "I'm sorry" is practically a verbal tic to me. :P



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15 Aug 2010, 12:06 am

I do. As a kid I'd apologize when other kids would trip and fall on their own shoe laces. Yesterday my friend Zack learned that he wouldn't be able to get his car legalized for another week or two if even that and I think I apologized to him at least twice.


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conundrum
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15 Aug 2010, 12:06 am

DonDud wrote:
While I still prefer to explain myself over simply saying "sorry," I often just do the "sorry" because people expect it. Maybe people don't care about the details or the whys, just the [potentially meaningless/insincere] word of apology.


Sadly, this is often true. It's become like saying "Excuse me" if you burp. :roll:


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takemitsu
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15 Aug 2010, 1:11 am

Well, If you have AS, it seems like that is why you are saying "I'm sorry" too much. Since people with AS don't have a good grasp on empathy, they hide it. So you could be compensating by apologizing in every remote instance your expected to be empathetic.

I too say I'm sorry a lot, but I've stymied it lately because it adds to the facade that I'm some kind of wuss. But an example of this that falls into a type of empathy is how I am with people's birthdays or special days. Like father's day, I told my dad that I was going to hired an electrician to take a look at his fluorescent light fixtures. But I lost track and it never happened. He never said anything about it. Rewind a couple years ago, and I bought him a new stove for his birthday, which was a lot more than I needed to to. I either over-compensate or under-compensate, because I have a hard time just doing what is normal. Either time, I didn't really feel bad one way or another. It's hard to grasp.

You do this because you too don't really know what is acceptable as "compensation".

Blah, I hope this makes sense tomorrow after I sober up, sorry if it doesn't :)



conundrum
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15 Aug 2010, 1:17 am

takemitsu wrote:
Well, If you have AS, it seems like that is why you are saying "I'm sorry" too much. Since people with AS don't have a good grasp on empathy, they hide it. So you could be compensating by apologizing in every remote instance your expected to be empathetic. ....I either over-compensate or under-compensate, because I have a hard time just doing what is normal. Either time, I didn't really feel bad one way or another. It's hard to grasp.

You do this because you too don't really know what is acceptable as "compensation".

Blah, I hope this makes sense tomorrow after I sober up, sorry if it doesn't :)


:lol: Makes sense to me.


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CockneyRebel
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15 Aug 2010, 1:18 am

I say “Sorry” a lot, because I'm a sweet, sensitive person, who doesn't want to hurt others.


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League_Girl
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15 Aug 2010, 1:43 am

I used to say sorry a lot but people started to get annoyed with it so I learned to not say it as much. Now I under do it. :roll:



PaleBlueDotty
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15 Aug 2010, 6:09 am

DonDud wrote:
Apology has never come naturally to me. My inclination, especially when younger, was to explain why I did something, or why I failed. Everyone else calls this an "excuse," and I've always hated being accused of "making excuses." I didn't think of it as shifting blame or trying to weasel out of trouble, I just wanted to lay out the facts. While I still prefer to explain myself over simply saying "sorry," I often just do the "sorry" because people expect it. Maybe people don't care about the details or the whys, just the [potentially meaningless/insincere] word of apology.


i think my husband's got Asperger's, too, 8O 8O 8O 8O
he argues the same point and tops it even by remarking that a "sorry" uttered by him only under "social coercion" ( upset wife or son. etc. ) is rendered worthless, so he might as well not say it....
quote:" you think i am only apologizing, because you "made" me, so what's the point?"
although it's funny, when he has a run-in with other people and i try to explain to him how facts might look from their point of view and why they reacted the way they did, he accuses me of making up excuses for them, :roll: . , so there is definitely an overlap of "explanation", "excuse" and "apology" in some people's mind. ( probably some kind of Venn diagram, lol )

i for my part say "sorry" all the time, even if someone else steps on MY toes on the bus, :roll.
annoying habit, i worked on stopping it - for years, lol.