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Joined: 8 Mar 2006
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,875
Location: Earth

22 Aug 2010, 5:33 pm

I find I seem to easily become a target for ostracising by bar staff in pubs and bars, as they probably think I come across as the sort of character whose personalities would particularly clash with themselves. Ostracising, that takes the form of the sort of hard glares that convey a message of "You are a creep" or "You are a pervert".

I do not appreciate that, and when out last night I found myself targeted in this way by a barmaid. Just because I asked for a drink of water, sensibly so as it was in between alcoholic drinks, I was dealt with in a high handed way perhaps because I asked for something that didn't cost money.

When a friend and I moved on to another pub which stayed open later, said barmaid entered once her bar was closed, spotted us, and gave us that hard nasty look.

Last year there was a famous incident in an Edinburgh pub where a group of four of us got banned due to touching/playing with candles/candle flames/candle wax. It was a potentially dangerous thing to be doing so they were perfectly within their rights to ask us to leave and ban us, but on the other hand everyone I've spoken to about this thinks it was a bit harsh. Indeed, even had this incident not occurred, it was the culmination of having frequented that pub for some time with various groups of friends who were all Aspies/autistic, and they clearly treated us differently from what they did with other customers.

I don't tend to get these types of looks or targeting very often at all elsewhere in my life. Maybe bar staff are often a certain type of personality, but it tends to be only by them that I'm targeted in this way.


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Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

22 Aug 2010, 5:49 pm

Bartenders don't mind me at all. Sure they don't talk with me as much as they do my friend Zack but I've had one bartender actually pretty much beg me to let her make me a glass of water.

I mean it's a friday night around 4-5pm, she's all alone with maybe 6 people at the bar. I'm playing pool with a random guy waiting for my friend to get there and she came out from behind the bar, walking all the way around just to ask me if I want some water and when I say "I'm alright" she just got pouty and asked "are you sure?" I said "you won't charge me anything?" with a bit of a chuckle and she was like "of course not!" and I accepted.

So yeah can't say I identify.

"Some ideals are worth dying for"


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Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

22 Aug 2010, 6:17 pm

Bartenders like me, maybe that's because I'm a girl. I've had them make water for me before too but that was because I wasn't 21 yet. Maybe now that I'm of legal drinking age, they'll like me more. :D

That's rough though. Sorry about your luck. :(


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Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,549
Location: Beyond the Void

22 Aug 2010, 6:33 pm

I just get ID'd even though I'm almost 22 (and 19 is the legal age here)
I think they look at me weird when I am drunk, but that's cause I'm drunk