Stressful family life is sapping my energy....advice?

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I'm still living with my mom. she's single parent of me (24) and my younger bro (17).

I discovered my aspergers syndrome after being diagnosed with ADD, depression, and anxiety when I first started college. It wasn't until I started taking an anti-depressant that my health got better and then I later discovered I had AS.

I didn't recover from depression and didn't discover my AS until January 2010, but since then me and my bro have been going at it. He has a very jealous, resentful, and bitter side and takes out alot of hate towards me for alot of misunderstanding he's had. Both my mom and bro don't care and see me as the root of the problems going on in the house, but don't take responsibility for their wrong doings.

All three of us are stuck together and have not other family to go to...to get time apart from eachother. My mom refuses to acknowlege/believe my AS/ADD diagnosis and ignores it and my bro has a negative preception of me and could care less. He literally is borderline sociopath and people love to be around him and he can easily decieve others.....and b/c me and him aren't getting along, he's literally made others to view me as a bad/negative person also.

The only safe haven I have is the house and the chaos is literally sapping me of my energy. Talking to fam isn't going to work...that time has already passed and I've made lots of attempts to make it right.

I had friends, but lost them when I dipped into depression and am pretty much on my own. What should I do?

Hello, maybe u should try living alone in a rented flat for exemple.
I m doing it myself and it's good.

I am a 47 year-old man. I lived on my own two years in college in another city, then all the way from 1985 to 2008, often receiving financial help from my parents, I lived on my own. Much of it was pretty okay, and some of it was really good.

Since Oct. '08, I have been living with my parents. And it's difficult. The dynamics are our situations are perhaps different, but I will try and give you what advice I can.

'Dad, we don't have to believe the same way.'

Sometimes a statement like that helps. Straightforward, accepting of self and others.

Maybe three attempts to connect with the three most likely previous friends. And I guess be honest and tell them early on that you need a backup plan. More than three attempts, it's too demoralizing and it wears on you.

Yeah, people drift apart, sometimes when something happens, they don't know what to do, feel awkward, didn't sign up for this, whatever reason.

Or, maybe even a distant Aunt, you could stay with for a couple of days to try out?

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You want other positives going on in your life at the same time, both individual positives and social positives. If possible, sometimes it's not possible, but if there's an opening, try to take a medium step, see how it goes. Miss one opportunity, that's alright, there will be other opportunities.

Okay, wow, things aren't good with either your brother or your mother. Sometimes people do go through weird, different phases in late adolescence. Your brother might decide that he can use in skills say, business entrepreneurship, political activism (speaking truth to power might be more exciting than just fooling people on a small scale), paramedics, again pretty exciting, yeah, you do sometimes get the patient thinking in a certain direction, but it's good natured, it's done with a medium touch, patient doesn't go in that direction, that's fine, so you just never know.

'We all need to be treated with equal respect.' I don't know whether that would be useful or not to say that. That's kind of where, ideally, you need the backup of friends or other family so you can take some risks.

Don't try and convert or preach to your brother. Your immediate concern is how he treats you. So, you treat him with respect. You expect to be treated with respect in return. Don't try and high-road this or be a moralist or be Ghandhi. Just be matter-of-fact, hey, I expect my [whatever aspect of household living] to be treated with respect.

Someone a while back wrote, and I thought it was pretty smart, the mother is responding with Mama Bear anger to someone criticizing her offspring, even if that person criticizing is you, and even if that 'criticism' is not really criticism but it's more, 'hey, I've discovered something new about myself that explains a lot, and like Bill Gates, or Richard Feynman . . . ' Asperger's really, really is, two sides of a coin, both good and bad, without a shred of political correctness we can say that a person with Asperger's is differently abled. And then we can say, almost the other myth, not everyone with Asperger's is as successful as Bill who got a fair amount of luck (talk about being in the right place at the right time! a team that worked with Balmer, etc, etc) And I'm not really super technical, I can do technical, but the fields I like are pschology, philosophy, history, anthropology, that kind of stuff. And those don't pay nearly as well.

Okay, a long way to say, it's a lot for your Mom to wrap her mind around all at once. Yes, she should accept you as you are yourself, including how you self-identify. And it seems somewhat unsatisfying to say, just give her some time. I guess I don't know what the answer is. and often in cases like that it's mulitple small-a answers, and not one super big-A answer. Maybe it's like parents 30 years ago and their child told them he or she was gay and the parent said 'you're not really gay' Probably most of the parents came around, it also depends on how decent they were in the process, it's a tough thing all the way around.

And then, has hard as it is, you want to be a matter-of-fact coach esp to your brother but also to your mother. I kind of decided, wow, I'm the most functional one of the lot! And to be a coach, you have to look for the good, but it needed be that many areas. And it's really hard. I have shared with my Dad how much my writing means to me, and he criticized me for 'typing' Wow. He blames outcome, esp on jobs and employment. Something that could just be luck, to a considerable extent probably is luck, he internalizes and thinks it's some flaw of personality. He's become religious again within the last five years, he views the authoritarian side of religion, a lot of things he views through the addiction model. So, when I say I know it's hard, well I still don't know how hard it is for you, might be harder still. And it needn't be big things you appreciate about the other person, can be small, seemingly insignificant.

Please keep communicating with us as it feels right to you. And here's wishing you all the best.

as a mother it's difficult to hear anything is wrong with your child. So here she's thinking ok I did a good job I raised this kid for however many years he's in college going to be successful and you come back to her with "Hey I've got X diagnosis" My mom refuses to believe it either but let me tell you something she's hearing you say I have AUTISM AKA totally dysfunctional institution material. I hope you understand it's hard to deal with emotionally and that might be where she's coming from or she just might not like change.

Solution move out. Dorm rooms can be funded with financial aide if your in the US.

Safe haven - well, once I got mobile [around fifth grade] I started maximizing time outside the home - library, museum, park, eventually got my own office [and even then snuck to the library].

Not THAT safe when people resent if you even keep your door closed.

From the sound of your situation, if you could find an addres of your own home might be easier. Any places you could at least hang out much of the free hours of the day?

My sister lucked out - when we moved to our last house she bagged the attic room, with two doors and extra steps for separation. BUT I got the room with the enclosed porch to hang out in part of the time - not great in winter.

I've been living on my own, for almost 4 years, and things have gotten better, between my family and I, because of that.

Buy chocolates and flowers and do sweet little favours, then move out on a good note. Mum might be imploding

Or, spend less time at home. Or take a week away and come back with a different attitude to home.