BPD troubles =(

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Joined: 21 Apr 2008
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27 Aug 2010, 12:52 pm

Well, I've been reading the websites about BPD, and so far I've been doing pretty well...but...

Anyway, there's this girl that I'm pretty sure has it...one day she would think she was completely in love with me (which she didn't mind dropping that word after only knowing me a few days) and then the next day we'd hang out and she'd be really super distant, and then she wouldn't talk to me for weeks.

Well, normally I have a hard time not being nice to people, but finally I've listened to reason and I'm telling her no.

It seems like the more firmly I deny her though, the more determined she is to "win me back" and she's very confident that I'll "come around". Not that I'm caving in, mind you, but last night she made some comment on how it was all her fault, and that we had something awesome and she threw it away...and I know the websites said that making her think it's her fault is the last thing you want to do...I guess I kind of screwed up somewhere

Anyway, I don't know, I guess I'm not really expecting much help here, I mostly just wanted to vent. I'm hoping with her getting a job and starting college soon, she'll be too busy to want to hang out with me, and hopefully she'll meet a lot more guys.

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A_Spock_Darkly
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27 Aug 2010, 1:22 pm

SabbraCadabra wrote:

I've had this exact same problem dealing with BPD girls.

I recommend only aiming for friendship with this girl, or else you're in for a world of pain and confusion. Tell her it's "friends or nothing", and if that makes her want to pursue you even more, you have to tell her straight out that she needs to get away from you. Being blunt with people has it's places, such as in situations like you're in right now.

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mgran
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27 Aug 2010, 1:35 pm

At least you're lucky that she knows she's got BPD. I didn't, and it caused me a lot of stress... fortunately my husband was very understanding, and we never fell out. He knew when to give me space and when to reign me in... and could do it in a non judgemental way too. But then, he was NT, so he probably read signals better. It must be harder for aspies to read bipolar partners. I have no idea how I managed to meet someone who loved me given the mess I am.

SabbraCadabra
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28 Aug 2010, 1:28 pm

A_Spock_Darkly wrote:

I recommend only aiming for friendship with this girl, or else you're in for a world of pain and confusion.

She keeps saying she wants to be friends, but I honestly don't know how to "just be friends" with girls...especially when her and I don't really have much in common to begin with.

Besides the fact that I'm quite certain if we did hang out as "just friends" she would try to pressure me into doing things that friend's aren't supposed to do, and she always gets super upset when I turn her down, so I'd rather just avoid the situation completely.

mgran wrote:

At least you're lucky that she knows she's got BPD.

Actually, I don't think she has any idea. She does take anti-depressants, but I'm pretty sure that's just for that stereotypical "depression" that seems to be such a popular diagnosis.

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hyperlexian
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29 Aug 2010, 12:38 am

SabbraCadabra wrote:

Anyway, I don't know, I guess I'm not really expecting much help here, I mostly just wanted to vent. I'm hoping with her getting a job and starting college soon, she'll be too busy to want to hang out with me, and hopefully she'll meet a lot more guys.

ummm it is kind of a big stretch to assume that a person has BPD. there is a huge stigma attached to it! the only behaviour you have included is her push-pull relationship antics, and the fact she wants you more if you resist her. if that is all she has going on, it really doesn't sound like BPD.

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SabbraCadabra
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29 Aug 2010, 12:10 pm

That's not all she has going on, I just didn't mention the rest because I'm not that concerned about unofficially diagnosing her.

Or divulging personal matters.

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hyperlexian
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29 Aug 2010, 12:43 pm

SabbraCadabra wrote:

That's not all she has going on, I just didn't mention the rest because I'm not that concerned about unofficially diagnosing her.

Or divulging personal matters.

ah okay. that's fair.

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