Do Not Commit Suicide

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I've read topics on here since I started just last week called (Paraphrased) "I want to kill myself"; "I'm sad and I want to die" and the most alarming, "I'm going to kill myself in a few hours".

I graduated high-school a year early in June. If I had acted upon my feelings in my greater adolescence, I would never have reached the precipice I'm currently at today. Four years ago I made a website with a list of people's names on it who were my friends and enemies; some dark poetry and mock journal entries (I say mock because they were for dramatic effect. I made them up as I was writing them). The community's response was to take me out of school and have a psychologist analyze me. Several psychologists did and found nothing wrong. However, I would for the next year forgo schooling and work with my mother at Springside Nursing Home in a nearby city, where I would meet three maintenance men who were great friends and although they were adults and I a fourteen year-old Goth, I connected with them. They were nice. I worked with them all summer until I got signed up for a course at a local college on making videogames. That would be a hobby that would overtake me for the next year.

Over the next few years, I would fall in love and become very depressed and, suicidal, five times. I would become dependent on the object of my affection for the LITTLE attention they gave me, and stifle them until they would leave me. The last one had Asperger's, too. I have developed a number of psychological defenses to this depression. One of them has become the path for my career. Politics; not only politics, but the art of convincing an audience; convincing an audience of their own emotions. Just as many others have, I too was given a mission. That mission became my newly found purpose in life. I was to rebuild the system known as the State. The rest of my life will be dedicated to this fervant pursuit.

I live because I have chosen to live. I cannot tell you why you should live; only you can do that. I have no words of endearment, assurance or comfort for you whatsoever; only you know you. Depend on yourself, and you can go anywhere you want in life. Only you can do that. But you have to live.

So why can't someone not live because they chose not to? Why does someone have to live? Why do I have to make my own reason to live?

I just don't understand your logic, if you have any. This seems largely individual-- I don't think it is right for someone to tell someone to not commit suicide the same way it wouldn't be right to tell someone to commit suicide.

My issue with committing suicide is that you will never know what you could have done with your life once you end it, or how it will affect those you leave behind. Although I realize know one can truly know what happens after death, the difference to me is the unknown of life is a chance to better yourself and fulfill your dreams before you pass while suicide or death "before your time" lets you discover the unknown of death but does not allow you to go back and finish anything you may have wanted to in life. You might as well do as much as you can before you die, b/c everyone will die eventually.

I think he meant "you have to live" if you want to go anywhere you want in life.

Why does someone have to live? I can answer that. *I* have to live, if I have a choice in the matter, because I am a parent and when I chose to give birth, I took on an obligation and a responsibility to those children. Much as I am sick of being rejected, much as I hate how I feel, much as my self esteem sucks, I would be a really bad person, the worst mother on the face of the earth, if I deliberately abandoned my children. I can't think of many other things that would make me more disgusted with myself. So, I have to live. At least for the next 9 years or so. After that, we'll see.

~Kate

Last edited by Meow101 on 01 Sep 2010, 10:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Emotions are not always easy, but blatantly NO ONE should ever commit suicide.

Emotions are not easy for many people with Asperger's to control - myself included - but it would be the wrong choice for anyone to take their life.

Let us enjoy the experience of life together.
Everyone is as important, unique, special, and deserving of a good life as the next person, and it is always possible to at the very least have a good time even when life appears to be problematic.

*HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG*

Life is long and sometimes complicated, I will not deny the fact that life can be just as wonderful though, and I bow to you all. ^^

A big smile dedicated to you all, ^^ and take things easier than what makes you stressed when it comes to depression - when depressed, it is important to nurture yourself and to make yourself as comfortable as you can. Yes, there are many times when people must put in effort too in life but please do not over exert yourself with stress when feeling unwell.

I seriously wish the best of feelings to everyone here and I want you to all feel well, from the bottom of my heart.

There are many nice people in the world who will appreciate the values and great qualities as a human being that all of us here have to offer. ^^

Bless your hearts. ^^

If only it were so simple. Yes, it's possible things can change for the better, but it's equally possible things won't. How can anyone fix that? If people could simply think their way out of depression, I suspect they would.

I mean, it's good, encouraging people not to kill themselves. I'm just having trouble attaching meaning to the words. I didn't act on my teenage feelings of self-loathing either. But if I am completely honest, I feel worse about myself now, than I did then. And it's frustrating because these are things you aren't supposed to say. People often feel sorry for you or they think you're weak or out for attention. At best, they want to help, and often it doesn't work. So I shut up, because the positivity usually makes me feel guilty for being depressed.

...Hmm, I'm not quite sure what I'm getting at with this post; I guess it's just what came to mind. And I'm not directing this post at anyone in particular, just venting.

I actually feel worse about myself now (40s) than I did as a teenager too. BUT, that isn't necessarily going to be true of everyone, not even everyone with AS. I try not to sound hypocritical but at the same time, recognize that my experience is not necessarily going to be everyone else's. That's why I try to dissuade other ppl from committing suicide, even though right now if it weren't for three other people who need me, I might have already done so. My problem with myself is that I never get any answers as to why my relationships with other ppl get screwed up (well, none that allow me to actually DO anything about it) and so I have very little hope that things will ever be different and I don't want to live this way indefinitely. It ain't necessarily so with others.

~Kate

im starting to learn that this existence is extremely chaotic. The only thing that can make you happy is by making others happy.

I have to agree with this. I havent found a reason to live and am sure i wont find one. Why do i have to put up with life if im just going to be miserable the whole way through.

Yes. When you were born nobody gave you the choice to exist or not, so why deny the right to choose how to die ?

You didn't have a choice. You're alive now because your parents decided for you. As am I. As are we all. However I see your point. You know what, it all comes down to this: People can kill themselves if they want. But if they do that they deny themselves things that they don't yet know may or may not come their way. Ultimately, no matter what their situation, they are ignoring the chance that things might get better. That's their choice. But I would encourage them not to. That's me and my contribution to the world. And if they want to, they'll do it. And if I succeed, they won't. It's all in their hands. I am but a voice crying out in the wilderness. Whether or not they choose to listen is on them.

I consider myself a very logical thinker and for me is very illogical teenagers or young people thinking about it just because even for Aspergers life has so many unpredictable possibilities that's impossible to have an idea on how much lucky or pleasure are waiting for you.
Crossing a street may change your whole life for better.

Everything you posted can also be take the other way.

Yes it can, but the discussion is: someone is suffering and hopeless so decided to end his life. But being hopeless is illogic, this is my point. Being optimistic or pessimistic is also illogical.

I have been suicidal many times, The only thing I worry about is other people finding me or IF its some kind of mortal crime that is punishable after death. I am not religious but this is something that I am worried about now.