Asperger's is a Gift

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Howdzy,

Thought I'd introduce myself with this first post. I'm a 52 year old male who was diagnosed with Aspergers about 5 years ago when my young son was first diagnosed with it. It was actually quite a relief, because I always knew something was "different" about me...and we finally had a label for it.

I have spent the last several years doing more research to further my knowledge about what I had, but it was now easier to understand why I behaved the way I had my entire life, and as I read the Atwood books, OASIS and other's, many little "ah HA's!" fired off in my head as many pieces to puzzles where remembered and answered.

I was labled many things as a child; strange, loner, moody, genius, weird, nerd, clumsy, angry, anti-social, problem child, ret*d, gifted, funny, daydreamer, creative, lazy, under achiever, over achiever, "in his own world"...way to many more to list, but the one fact was always present...there was something very out of the ordinary about me. I even showed physical peculiarities, flapping my fingers when I became over excited about something. I could master just about any problem using an amazing logical analysis, even before I was old enough to read. I gravitated towards math and science, music, history and the arts. However, I was a real quandry for teachers throughout my school years; I could ace tests in a heartbeat wtih an amazing memory recall of what I learned, but I found homework to be the most mundaine, boring, illogical thing on earth and would never do it. I drove teachers nuts. Homework made no logical sense to me. If I already learned somethingi in class, and I continue to prove it by passing their tests...then it wasn't for me but the other kids who just didn't learn it in class the first few minutes. If I found a project or interest that fascinated me, I would become so obsessed with it that the rest of the world became completely oblivious to me. Anger surged through me if I was called away from one of my current obsessions for something as simple as dinner. I liked to collect things and organize them, sometimes baffling adults with my "strange" collections.

During my teens, two facets of my life really developed, the difficulty in dealing with relationships and a "quirky" brilliant sense of humor. I was shunned by many for my oddities, but admired by just as many for my rapier sarcastic wit. Little did I know at the time my sense of humor would become my vocation. My logical and literal interpretations of others emotions, body lanuage and especially slang initially created some very awkward teenage experiences, but I was able to cover up many a faux paus with a funny retort. My teens were tough, but I got through them.

At age 20, I began to suffer severe anxiety attacks followed by crippling depression. This led to many different psychiatrists, all of them having a completely different diagnosis; I was a manic depressive, I hated my mother, I hated my father, I had a chemical imbalance, I had too much stress in my lfe...all of them in hindsight completely wrong diagnoses, but this was the early 70's and nobody really knew about Asperger's back then. With my exposure to psychiatry, I became fascinated with human pyschology and soon another obsession entered my life...to study every facet of mental illness, human psychology, and discover what made me different. The study of human pyschology was a major breakthrough for me in dealing with NT's, because even though I couldn't naturally interpret their emotions and feelings, I had acquired enough knowledge to make a good analytical cross reference of WHY they were behaving as they were, and how I should respond. I was now ready to conquer the world.

So what happened to me in the 30 years since? Well, for one...I became famous and successful. I hide behind my moniker in here because I'm not ready to reveal my gift to my profession, only a handful of people within my industry know I have Aspergers, but I turned that quirky humor into a lucrative career as a standup comic. You may have even seen me on TV...I've been on HBO, ABC, toured with Jay Leno and many, many TV and Movie stars you are familiar with are my friends. Allthough I never was able to find out just what the hell made me different all those years ago, I did recognize one thing; my obsessions could enable me to learn many skills at an accelerated rate compared to normal people, and I took full advantage of that gift. Besides my performing career, I created and ran 3 nightclubs, a booking agency and produced comedy for Universal Studios. I currently own and run 5 corporations. I also wrote and filed the corporate charter for each corporation, my business knowledge so extensive I didn't require a lawyer. Since I made that decision so many years ago to use my gift as a valuable tool in life, my obsessions have allowed me to master not only comedy, but magic, ventriloquism, juggling, imrpovisation, acting, writer, I play the guitar, I pick a mean bluegrass banjo, I mastered accounting and tax laws so well my accountant calls me for advice, the stock and commodities markets (I took a brief "vacation" from performing in the late 70's to trade futures on the Chicago Board of Trade, turning $10,000 into $230,000 in about 18 months), graphic arts, body buidling, carpentry, auto mechanics, auto body repair, gourmet cook and my greatest achievement - computers. I can code in several languages, I design websites, build computers, design networks and implemet databases. 3 of my corporations are internet based. I make over 6 figures a year and my assets are in the 7 figure numbers.

I've lurked in here for several years now. I dunno what made me register and post tonight, maybe I felt it was just time. I read a lot of angst in here from parents of Aspie children, and the fears of the future for them. Most of the concentration in the medical field with Aspergers today is primarily being developed in pediatric help, there definitely appears to be a large void in data from adults, but until they accumulate enough information to compare the two generations, those concerns and anxieties will exist. All I can say to add comfort to those parents is I'm living proof that Aspergers can be leveraged into a great, wonderful adult life. Surround them with love, DO NOT compare them to normal children or hope they will grow into one, and allow them to obsess over their newest fascination to the max! They may not fit in well with the neighborhood kids today, but they have the potential to become incredibly successful late bloomers in adulthood.

I dont have many labels attached to me anymore. The weirdo, geek, nerd, strange, oddball whispers of my youth slowly disappeared with each new adult success. Admiration and respect are what ride on my shoulder these days. I'm single again, yet now when I walk into a room, women who would have shunned me during those awkward youthful years now adore me. I'll never be smooth in social situations like a George Clooney in a Hollywod movie, my Asperger's genetitcally will guarantee that, but I now ooze success from every pore...and I can be as geeky weird as I wanna be without any feelings of social misbehavior...because when the day is done, I know that there are even more successes waiting in the future that I haven't even begun to tackle in life...but most important...so do others. What a great gift Asperger's has been for me.

Oz

Your story should bolster hope for many who feel dispair in their current situation. Sharing it is one of the best things about WP. I am fascinated by your post and feel compelled to reply, not only to welcome you, but also to "bookmark" it so I can spend a bit more time with it later.
There are many parallels I would like to further digest, but I am prep-ing my morning's work, right now. Thanks!

Thank you for your story, Oz. I found that very helpful and inspiring.

I feel the same way, Asperger's Syndrome is more of a gift then a curse.

That you can have that much success gives me hope.

And if you are who I think you are, (I did some math and the ages seem a bit off) then I think quite frankly you're going to intimidate us a lot more than the other way around

great beam of hope for everyone, knowing that it can be allowed to focus the mind and the 'obsessions' can be put to use-thank you

AS for me isn't a curse but what is really a cruse for me is my anxiety disorder added to it.

So, welcome to the world of the posters. I'm sure your posting this message will ease many parents' minds.

I hope you are happy in your life, too. I mean, not just "successful."

Awesome.

Very cool! How did you deal with people hating you for your gifts? I remember, on my very first job, there was this woman who dispised me from the first day because I could do too many things. Like yourself, I have talents that span across different subjects. She eventually helped to destroy my reputation and success there behind the scenes; a pattern that repeats over and over again throughout my career.

You've definitely overcome that! What's the secret?

I had two periods of my life where my anxiety disorder just about ruined it, the first bought when I was around 20, and a more severe bought when I was about 35. In the latter, I went to a psychiatrist who specialized in anxiety disorder. He put me on medication, and it wiped it completely out. It took me a few years though to completely vanquish it, as I still suffered psychological fears of it returning. Over time, they too disappeared.

I, like many Aspies, was always a big worrier. I discovered ANY form of stress would trigger my anxiety attacks. I self treated myself the first time by identifying every stressful situation in my life and removed it. This is probably where my knowledge of business, marketing and finance emerged, as removing all the stress from debts, bills and having a positve cash flow every month became a top stress reliever priority. The second time, the panic attacks were so severe, they hindered my ability to think clearly, and I couldn't use that self analysis. The medication allowed me to clear my fearful thoughts and focus on what was the cause the second time. My doctor thought it was my profession, as public speaking is one of the most stressful experiences for most people, and I was getting up on a stage every night before hundreds or thousands, but that wasn't the case for me. Performing is very relaxing, rewarding and fun for me. I was eventually able to isolate and identify what was causing the stress in my life, and it was completely isolated from the entertainment biz. Over time, I was able to reduce it again. I'm no longer on any medication, but just the knowledge that it is there to take again should my panic attacks ever return is very cathartic.



I am FINALLY, very happy in life. Putting an identity on my "affliction" was the greatest relief in my life and ended a decades long pursuit as to what made me so different. Knowing I was not alone in this world with my weirdness was also a major relief. For all of my success in the professional world, I had a fairly confused, but apparantly typical Aspergers, personal life, primarily in the social interactions department; two failed marriages and scores of other failed relationships. After I was dx'd, I poured my efforts into studying Aspergers, not so much as an explanation for my behaviors, but an explanation for my behaviors to others. Armed with this new knowledge, I became very open and honest with my Aspergers to anyone who became close to me. I explained exactly what made me tick, why I behaved differently, why I may be crude or very blunt, but most important, stressed that "they could not change me, cure me or help me", but had to accept me. I now have a wonderful woman in my life who not only accepted me and my package, but went out her way to study Aspergers herself. She now fully understands that when I am so obsesed and focused on a project, hobby, sports, whatever, or I reply with a curt bluntness that many others would interpret as cruel and insenstive, I am not denying her love, attention or being mean...but merely being a full blown Aspie. I only wish I had this explanation and dx of Aspergers 30 years ago, as it would have made finding that perfect mate who could execpt and understand it much quicker. I'm very glad for both my son and all the other young Aspies out there that they won't have to drift in their own "personal Sinai desert of confusion" for as long as I did, because of all the research and knowledge now available to them. Happiness arrived to me when acceptance was embraced by myslf and those around me.

I'd like to add to my previous post as to WHAT I think made me so successful in life. I believe it was my fully understanding early on that I was definitely a square peg trying to fit in the round holes of societly, and I quit trying to pound that wooden block into them. I was able to identify and isolate the tools my gift had bestowed upon me; the elevated intelligence, the amazing recall of facts and figures, and the obessions to master anything I should desire. This built tremendous confidence, as I felt there really wasn't anything I couldn't accomplish if I ignored the naysayers who told me otherwise. I also identified what my faults were, especially my inability to fit comfortably in social situations. After that, if somebody called me weird, I would simply reply, "yes I am", smile and walk away with a rather fond feeling for my uniqueness, instead of feeling hurt by not being able to fit in. The pain of social rejection only reared it's ugly head when I tried to become very close with somebody, and that person would eventually reject me as they tried to wedge my personal square into those round holes of society. That doesn't happen anymore, because now I just explain from the beginning that it can't be done, and happiness between myself and others can only be accomplished in accepting me for what I am.

Oz

Brave soul!
I'm so happy to hear it's worked for you.

Thank you Oz

Interesting question. I guess I overcame the hatred by some by merely accepting the fact I was different, I would never fit into their world, I was going to suffer hatred and jeolousy by a few, and I distanced myself from their negativity and concentrated on the positve. My studies of psychology equiped me with the knowledge that most negative people are very insecure about themselves. This switched my interpretation of that hatred from not something I was doing, but something they were doing because of their own personal insecurites.

A key turning point in my life occured when I no longer dwelled on what others thought of me, or events that have happened in the past. I began to focus on the future only. I basically developed this huge chip on my shoulder, an "I don't give a s**t what you think about me" attitude towards ANYONE as I began to realize that only I could control my destiny in life. I distanced myself from anyone who was negative about my skills, embraced my own uniqueness, and raced forward in life never worrying about the past. As my newfound "arrogance" increased, so did the hatred towards me by a few also increase, however it no longer bothered me. I made enemies, I moved on. I got fired, I moved on. I "didn't fit in". Big deal...so what?...I moved on. As I realized my own little world provided me with almost an unlimited potential of mastering skills and knowledge, I quite honestly could no longer be bothered by the insecurities of others who didn't fit in MY world. I had a gift, and the only way to tap into the true potential of this gift was to constantly move forward and leave the past cemented in history. We can't change the past, so what happened...happened. My constant visions of the future became very prophetic, and as I look back now, those that spewed hatred and indifference towards me, really never amounted to much in their own life in comparisson to what I did. I never would have become successful had I allowed myself to be influenced by their thoughts and emotions.

Since that epiphany, which occured...oh, I guess in my mid 20's, I've never had a failure in anything in life, just thousands of wonderful learning experiences. A failure only occurs when you let others judge your actions.

Oz

I think I'll print this part out and the next time anyone tries to 'help' me by pointing out how I should make more effort to be normal, I'll show them this. In fact, I may just print out the whole message and read it out to them. In the dullest monotone I can muster.

Seriously, many thanks for sharing your insight. It offers hope not just for those with AS, but parents of those with AS, too.

Welcome, Oz-Sputnik. Your posts are very interesting; I look forward to reading more.

I just posted in another forum about death vs life with Asperger's, and while I haven't achieved any of the success you have, I think my answer might touch on this topic, too:

Okay! You say you don't want to reveal your personality, let's see.

Bill Gates was born in 1955.

2005 - 1955 = 50

It's now 2006, so that makes Bill Gates at least 51. Give or take a few months, depending on when he was born, and add a little to spice up the figure, maybe it might be wise for him to rant he's 52, so long as he wants to keep his own identity a secret.

All I can ask is this:

Are you Bill Gates?

- Ray M -