NT's can't comprehend the value of solitude

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cnidocyte
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19 Sep 2010, 10:20 am

I've yet to hear from anyone outside this forum that didn't seem to have the opinion that solitude is bad and socializing is good. My ma's pretty considerate about most of my differences but she seems to have trouble comprehending the fact that I evolve when I'm alone and cease to evolve when I'm around others rather than the other way around. I think its something about their brain chemistry, socializing makes them feel good and they assume that since they are like that then everyone else must be like that. When I'm alone I do what shamans call "silent learning". I observe everything around me and from these observations I learn things that can only be learned this way. You can't pass this knowledge on with words because unless the other person has observed it themselves they won't know what you're talking about. For instance I observe the whole transition from being awake, to being asleep and during that transition state when my bodies paralyzed but I haven't started dreaming yet I learn that everything we perceive to be reality is constructed with and maintained by logic alone. I say that but its meaningless to anyone who hasn't seen what I've seen. Its as if NT's are blind to these things because they devalue the observations by default. Then again this most likely isn't a ASP vs. NT thing, its most likely a fluid concept of reality vs. solid concept of reality thing.



lostD
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19 Sep 2010, 10:40 am

I know some NTs (as in non autistic) who do not think that solitude is a bad thing, it all depends on how you prefer to live and some NTs actually like solitude more than some Aspies. :D



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19 Sep 2010, 11:43 am

I thrive on solitude. It helps to keep me balanced.


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t0
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19 Sep 2010, 11:57 am

cnidocyte wrote:
I've yet to hear from anyone outside this forum that didn't seem to have the opinion that solitude is bad and socializing is good.


I think you're pretty sheltered. I know quite a few NT parents who would love a little time to themselves.



Philologos
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19 Sep 2010, 12:36 pm

There are, it is true a lot of NT types to whom solitude seems sick. But not all. I lucked out [in that it could have been worse] with a family pretty much all NT but me nearly all of whom valued and understood solitude. Of course, I needed a bit more ansd a bit more distance than some of them.



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19 Sep 2010, 1:29 pm

I seriously don't get how NTs dislike solitude and like socialising, because even if I was very good at being social, I'd still treasure the moments when I give myself time to just think - it's how I learn and develop, just like the OP said.



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19 Sep 2010, 1:56 pm

First, what do you mean by "NTs"?

People with Schizotypal Personality Disorder, Schizoid Personality Disorder, "healthy schizotypy"," broad autism phenotype", etc. are also very pro-solitude (in some cases, even more than people with ASD).

If you are using NT in the sense of non-ASD, you are wrong in saying that "NT's can't comprehend the value of solitude"; if you are using NT in the sense of "normal people", you are probably right, but it was also a bit tautological.



MizLiz
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19 Sep 2010, 2:30 pm

cnidocyte wrote:
the fact that I evolve when I'm alone and cease to evolve when I'm around others rather than the other way around

This is a great way of putting it. Its why I hated spending so much time with my ex. He wanted to be glued together, practically living together, and I just HATED not having any time to be alone in my head.


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daniel3103
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19 Sep 2010, 2:31 pm

I can understand where you're coming from, Cnidocyte. I enjoy socialising but I enjoy times on my own too. Some NTs can't accept that I like being on my own sometimes, they think that any moment that I spend on my own must be hard for me, and they insist on keeping me company even when I make it plain that I don't want it. I strongly dislike these in-your-face bigots.

Having said that, there are also plenty of NTs who will at first assume that you want as much company as they do, but who, when they start to know you better, will accept your desire for solitude. Have you never met anyone like that? If not, maybe you pick the wrong people to associate with.

Dr. Tony Attwood understands the solitude vs. socialising thing in terms of emotional restorative. He explains that, for nonautistic people, the best emotional restorative is socialising, whereas, for people on the autism spectrum, the best emotional restorative is solitude. This makes sense to me.



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19 Sep 2010, 2:40 pm

I like NTs but regrettably it's my being around them for any length of time that creates the need for a little solitude and elbowroom.


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19 Sep 2010, 3:09 pm

All the more for me.


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Callista
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19 Sep 2010, 4:15 pm

About 1 in 4 NTs is introverted. These NTs do value solitude.


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19 Sep 2010, 6:11 pm

I read "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau when I was younger. I don't know if it influenced me to appreciate solitude, or if I appreciated it because of my inclinations. Maybe both. If you haven't read it, you should. I don't know that Thoreau had ASD traits, but it wouldn't surprise me. If not, he is an example of an NT who does appreciate solitude.


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20 Sep 2010, 12:08 am

I comprehend quite well the value of solitude. I also cherish solitude whenever I can get some, which is unfortunately not that often.



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20 Sep 2010, 12:33 am

I know what you mean. Everyone I have ever known seems they can't stand to be alone for a second. I don't understand. It's just the opposite for me.