what women want

Post Reply New Topic

Listen up guys.

I've read a few posts here where Aspie men are asking what women want, or lamenting that women only go for men who are goodlooking or have alot of money. That is so WRONG.

I feel somewhat qualified to speak about this because when I was younger I was one of those women who got hit on alot. I don't say this to brag, but when I walked into a bar, heads would turn. When I was younger I was considered very attractive. I seem to have ruined one man's life just by my rejection of him. I had my pick of men, and rarely ever experienced any rejection. In fact, if I set my sites on someone, bingo, he was MINE. In my twenties I once had two men almost come to blows over me in a bar, and I didn't even KNOW either one of them. I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who never experienced rejection from men. The reason I feel qualified to speak is because I've heard every line, and seen every approach a man could think of and I know what works and what doesn't. I can tell you what women want. Women want respect, compassion, integrity, and someone to make them laugh. If you can sincerely (and it must be sincerely!) fulfill those qualities you will automatically be the man who fulfills most women's dreams.

You could be penniless, you could look like quasimodo, you could be a hunchback with no teeth, and three hairs on your head, but if you approach women with respect, compassion, integrity, and can make them laugh, you will be the kind of man that women want.

It's true!

So you're a dater too, huh? So am I.

I've been rejected by guys once we were in a relationship because they were too NT for me. But getting a date? No problems there.

As someone with AS, I look for the following things in a guy:
Patience
Understanding
Predictablity
No Emotional Drama

I can imagine that many women, AS or NT, would appreciate those qualities as well.

-Ann-

I'm not a dater, now I'm in a long term relationship with an aspie male. In the post above I was referring to my experience when I was single, and younger.

But, yea, so many men seem to think there are great complications to attracting women, and the answer is so very simple.

I also found that the men who were maybe not so good looking or successful were afraid to ask me out. Sometimes these men would be hostile toward me, and I knew it was because they really were attracted to me and angry because they thought I had too much power because of my looks. If I wanted to eventually I could win them over, but it was always difficult to get past their sexualization of me. I had a female friend who was also very attractive to men, more attractive than myself. That poor woman could not even get on a bus without being hit on by some guy who wanted her for her looks. We would both lament this attitude from men. Eventually my good looking female friend became a lesbian, and I'm damn sure it had to do with how she was treated (sexualized like an object) by men.

Women want respect, compassion, integrity, and someone to make them laugh.

Any man can give those qualities, if he truly wants to be in a loving relationship, maybe except good humour, which a woman looks for in a man, is a good sign he has very good social skills, something that most aspies have a problem with.

If a man can has those qualities and have loads of money and good looks then he has a advantage over some who has none, simple as that.

For a woman to completely disregard money and looks, simply goes against the simple laws of evolution. For woman to lie about the fact that they disregard those things doesn’t go against those laws

For all man who don’t like the thought of being living the rest of your life alone, then invest enough time to earn the money and spend enough time to look good. Don’t forget the other 35% which is compassion, integrity, and sense of humour.

SCIENCE IS TRUTH

I didn’t read your second post, and it made me think about what woman I am attracted to. I am attracted to aspies, and show little interest in woman who show little intellectual qualities. The fact that you are in a serious relationship with an aspie shows you like aspies. I assume that NTs like piss you of with their social manipulating and lying.

I so hope you're right as I believe I'm top-notch in the respect, compassion and integrity departments. Not too bad at making people laugh either! But something doesn't compute as I've been rejected many times and been ignored so often I even started ignoring myself. So what's happening here?

Total speculation, but here goes: these attributes have to be visible. Instantly. How can you tell how much compassion and integrity someone has when in a 300db volume nightclub with lazers burning your retinas? Looks, physique, good clothing and macho dancing ability are all thats going to get communicated here. And I rate less than zero in these areas.

I believe these admirable qualities may be desirable for serious relationship, but not for a quick fling. Also that the man must be above a certain level of physical attractiveness too. You're joking about the hunchback with no teeth, surely??! ! A man who has all these qualities yet was at the back of the queue whan God handed out the faces, is (I monologue from experience) likely to have many 'platonic' female friends. Sadly, these will never cross the divide and become lovers, even though they continually say that they admire you for your "respect, compassion, intelligence, kindness to animals and children etc etc "!

Presumably, if one is frequently 'serial dating', then is it right to assume that the men you are attracted to do not actually possess these characteristics to the level you thought when you first met them? So not only must a man have these qualities (many of them don't), women must be able to detect them (many of them can't) . Our shared lack of success at this is reflected in the 50% divorce rate!

The other possibility is that this is what Anandamide and her friends want. Maybe you wanted something different when younger? I'm sure all women don't want the same thing, anyway, so maybe there are those after something different. Power, influence and a huge bank account, perhaps

I don't think anyone can truthfully say what women want because every woman wants different things. Plus, all women seem to be more confused about what they want than guys do.

Ha! I SOOO disagree with you! (In a good natured, dialectical way, of course.) Specifically on the subject of respect I differ.

You are expressing what women THINK they want, which is not at all what women REALLY want. Women (and I mean the average NT woman) say they want one set of qualities in a man, but when it comes to practice, those qualities somehow just don't win out. Maybe women's internal universes are set up to crave respect, but when it comes to the real world, well ... things are a lot different.

I back that statement up by saying that I've watched men pick up women for years. I know lots of guys, including my NT brother, who are really good at getting women to talk to them, date them and sleep with them. I've been an objective observer of their methods for years, read books, and talked to members of both sexes extensively. Here's what I've seen IN PRACTICE:

Above all, women want to play games. (Which is hilarious, because women swear up and down they hate games and wish someone would just be real...) Respect is antithetical to playing the game well. If you show deference or esteem, you are acknowledging that you are playing by a woman's rules, i.e., you've already lost, and you become about as interesting as a chair. Women tell you they want to have the control that respect gives them, but they actually go home with the guy who acts like he doesn't care, and even makes a few pointedly disrespectful remarks to show he's in control, and you can go to heck if you don't like it. Those guys get to pick and choose their women.

Another thing women want that goes against respect is romance. Women want to be seduced, and seduction is a lie. It can be a harmless one, depending on the circumstance, but it's NEVER respectful. Women want and expect that lie, and they brutally reject any man who can't supply it.

Guys who naturally give deference or esteem to women either learn fast to hide it or get destroyed. That's not to say one has to be a total A-hole (although that seems to work for a lot of guys); nevertheless, respect in every sense of the word says that you're admitting to a woman you either want her or are afraid of her in some way, and if she senses either of these qualities in you, she knows she can do better, and off she goes. She wants the man she's not sure she can have, and that man is not repsectful. No, he's the one who can show his merits in the game.

The one exception to this: men who are powerful, famous, or known to be very rich. These men don't even have to play the game of seduction and courtship to have women. They don't have to make anybody laugh, or show compassion, feigned or otherwise. Wealth, power, and fame are turn-ons enough. Women want those for their own sake.

That's not to say that what you said is completely wrong. Part of the game is being able to joke around and at least feign compassion and interest in a woman's life. But to say that it's simple, that women just want compassion, respect, and a funny guy is like saying: "Baseball is a simple game in which you sweep dirt off the home plate." There's a whole game there not being allowed for.

Now, I'll even admit that honest respect, compassion, and humor might work with one magical person or your soulmate; but to give that as general advice to men is akin to throwing them to the wolves. They'll get ripped to shreds and come limping away wondering why they were:

politely tolerated
ignored
laughed at behind their backs
ignored
openly ridiculed
ignored
rejected
and then ... ignored.

Just have to say "Thank You", Groovy Druid. You've explained what I've seen and experienced but never properly understood

Somewhere there's an organisation who specialise in teaching guys the tricks to just 'pick up women'. Unfortunately I forget the name, although I've read about them . One of the key moves is a kind of 'barbed compliment' such as "Your hair looks really nice - is it real"? (seriously!). Apparently this intrigues women much more than common-or-garden slushy compliments. The whole system becomes pretty much a game - which is what you're saying. In the article I read, women were like *really* stroppy about this whole 'immoral' concept. YET apparently it is a mega-succesful method and has many satisfied members

Respect, compassion and integrity are perhaps more useful from year 5 onwards, but with just these, you won't last 5 minutes, let alone 5 years.

GroovyDruid, you remind me of a highschool buddy of mine. He once made the exact same argument, in the exact same way. You even sound like him, right down to the affinity to Druids. I wonder if you could not be his twin (psychologically speaking, of course).

In another thread I argued to an aspie who lamented about rejection and such trying to encourage him to take a positive attitude because no woman wants to go out with someone who sulks (or rather, is "unfun"). But I think attitude and a realistic point of view both play important roles (What I'm saying is, you did a good job establishing that second one, in case you didn't decode that).

That being said, I'll even agree with your point by saying that when I was a police officer, I had girls that hit on me that would have never given me a glance before or after I had that job (Why, I dunno. Police officers are paid very poorly, along with having other poor qualities). It was something about the power of the position. I didn't act on it because I was trapped by an evil, man hating w... er, I mean I had a girlfriend.

Every woman wants something different and some are only chasing ideas rather than men.

GroovyDruid, you've hit the nail RIGHT ON THE HEAD, and I don't care if the feminists are offended by what you've said, because they know it's true - just no woman will admit it.

EXACTLY. I've said before that this is at the root of why relationship abuse is such an epidemic throughout society. Women are marching in the streets saying that they will not accept abuse from boyfriends/husbands, and of course that is a good thing to do since it is wholly unacceptable for men to abuse their partner. However, women secretly crave disrespect, and they strive to find the worst, most disrespectful guy they can find. It could involve Canadian relationship murder victim Laura Wilson driving four hours to pick up a guy in prison that had expressed interest in her back in high school. Statistics show that many women choose to remain in abusive relationships, and in the case of Laura, got into one after her soon-to-be prisoner boyfriend wrote her from prison and told her that it would be all over for her if she ever cheated on him. But don't tell the feminists, because despite court evidence and a guilty plea from the guy, that didn't happen.



BANG ON again. I already knew that after some idiot women told me I was "too inexperienced" after they asked me how many women I had kissed previously. One of them told me this the day after telling me that inexperience was okay with her.

Yet, women are saying that they want guys to ask them permission before kissing them, or they outright say they don't want to be kissed.

Women keep saying that they want to move slowly. But from my observations, it never happens that way. If you wait too long, you lose your chance. Waiting too long shows a lack of "confidence", that thing that women arbitrarily decided they want from men.

One of the chief problems in society is that there are a few bad apples among women that have put men that show a slight amount of affection for them through the shredder. THAT is why some guys lack confidence - some women misuse their power. Once I touched a young woman on the shoulders at work, in the lunchroom. Without telling me the action was unwelcome, she reported it to management, whom despite telling me not to do it again, they admitted that it was a pretty stupid thing to report.

The question is, how does one seduce a woman without hitting her or touching her breasts? I'm not looking to get into bed, but nonetheless I want to seduce her.

And, what the hell is so great about having a sense of humour? I don't see any need for it. I'm British and get along just fine without being around humourous people 18 hours a day. A funny remark on the radio in the morning and an episode of The Simpsons in the afternoon is enough for me. I'm a utilitarian and humour doesn't have a purpose. It is purely entertainment and has no depth. The desire of it in a relationship is extremely shallow and there are far more important things for women to look for.

I came to realize some years back that looks and money have nothing to do with who women want. It's all about in-your-face overconfidence, an excessive sense of humour 168 hours a week that leaves no room for serious stuff, and above all, showing disrespect. As extreme as it may sound, abuse can have women coming back for more because although they do not like being hurt, they like the confidence being shown by the guy - and that is highly seducing.

Not all women are this way. But, at least 80% of them are.

You're right, Aspie_Chav, I do find that my relationship with an aspie male is the best ever. I was never attracted enough to NT men enough to marry one because they were all successful in the NT world and I was not successful in that world. I never wanted to be in a relationship with someone who had way more power in the world than I did. I was never interested in being someone's concubine or kept woman. That would be disgusting. So, I ended up with an aspie who has as many, if not more, issues than I do dealing with the NT world. It works for us.

Women play games for a reason, it is to put some distance between themselves and a man who they feel is sexualizing them. This is because being viewed as a sex object is life limiting. It reduces the woman to a stereotype and so any woman with any self esteem at all will try to subvert that dynamic.

You have to SINCERELY (I put this in BIG CAPITAL LETTERS) approach women with respect, compassion, integrity and a sense of humour. If you can do THAT then you fulfill the qualities of the hero.

And myself and all the women I have ever met never "ignore" an ardent admirer. We might act like we are ignoring your attraction to us, but I think that most women remember an ardent admirer all of their days.

...but choose not to have a relationship with him

Please clear this up a bit for me. You brag about how you would get nts to fight over you like dogs in your youth, and apparantly relished it. It seems to me that you're hinting you used your beauty to an advantage and dated them because you liked this sort of attention. Yet, now that you are older, wiser (and your beauty faded) you've settled down with an aspie. You know, those "nice guys" you ignored when you were younger because you were too busy getting nts to fight amongst themselves. So where does this disprove our claims about women made on this board? It seems you've lived up to them.

Im 22, and I dont go for the women that were at your attractive level when you were younger. I know I dont have have a chance. But, like I said in an earlier post, when I try to make nice with the "average" looking females, they oft-end up completely ignoring me and trying their looks with the better looking guys. Im not grotesque myself, but Im not Brad Pitt other. Im trying to keep my expectations realistic, but it seems they arnt.

I think that in many ways the thing most strongly setting the womans movement back is women.

The psychotic world that is dating is an example of that.

They lie to themselves, and become convinced the lie is true. Thus making interactions confusing.


But not all women are like this. Or at the very least it happens in degrees.

Not every woman is a twit. Some of them are genuinely honest.

And some of them are interested in a relationship.


As far as feminism goes, most of the feminists you hear about aren't really feminists

Last edited by Xuincherguixe on 27 May 2006, 3:01 am, edited 1 time in total.