Potty Training

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Does anyone have any tips for potty training? My son is almost 4 and I tried training him but got nowhere so left it and recently he started showing an interested and did well. Then he went to his dad's for a week and he put him in nappies as he said he kept weeing everywhere and since I am having no luck. He doesn't care about being wet or dirty.
Often I am able to pick up him needing to go but about half the time he'll say no he doesn't and then wet himself. When he does use the toilet he is happy and pleased with himself.
The problem is worse if he is wearing any clothes. I'm in the progress of sewing him some pants with a small amount of padding for absorbency in the hope I may not end up with so many puddles and wet furniture but he can still get them off easily.
Should I just give up?

My PDD/AS son, now 11, stopped using nappies suddenly, in an almost totally disaster free process, at age 5. Before then I had exactly the same problems as you describe. We tried about three or four times, from age two to four or so, for a few hours or days each time, but he kept "going" just after sitting on the potty for 20-30 minutes doing nothing, and it was all horribly stressful, so we gave up, and then one day I said, "This is ridiculous, you're five years old. Five year olds don't wear nappies!" with great and spontaneous conviction, ( but totally without anger ) and it's as if he simply "believed me", and stopped needing them! :lol

Good luck.
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Don't scold or punish your kid for having accidents. My mum did that to me, and all that it did was motivate me to strain to have bowel movements before going places or going to bed, to the point that I've damaged all the nerves in my anus and rectum. I might be making light of it now, with that song that I post in relation to what I'm talking about, but I wasn't making light of it, in 2007 when I had to start wearing disposable underpants. What made it worse, is that I had to deal with a broken friendship, with another member here, due to the fact that I've made the mistake of bringing it up, in The Haven. I've posted videos of Sid from Flushed Away hugging Roddy for two years before ditching the attitude problem, last September. All that, because my mum raised her voice to me, the three times that I've lost control of my bowels. One day that I was 4 going on 5, after preschool. Another time on Halloween Night after my 6th Birthday. That's what that sick Birthday wish with that brown candle is all about - Happy 6th Birthday...Make a Wish...Don't Soil Yourself! And the third time, on the way home from Kindergarten, when I was sick, with the runs.

I can't believe that I've just posted a lengthy monolouge about poo, longer than anything I've posted, in my 4 years here.

I had this same problem with my son, he was also 4 at the time, he had an understanding and could use the toilet/potty but depending on his mood sometimes he would not bother. One day out of frustration i gave him a cloth and made him clean up his own mess. Now i hope that people do not think it was horrible of me to do this. I knew he knew when he needed to go to the toilet. I was not angry with him just frustrated. I explained to him that he was now a big boy and if big boys made messes then they had to clean them up. I could not believe how well it worked, infact he only ever had to clean up that one mess after he had cleaned it up i talked to him and asked him if it was nice having to clean up the mess and he agreed that it was not nice...

I definatly would not have done this if he did not have an understanding of using the toilet/potty but because i knew he knew and it was just depending on his moods i chose to try this method. I would not make a child do this though who had no understanding...

Good luck i hope you find something that works for you...

A kid will often say no if you ask him directly if he needs to go potty, even if he does, because he wants to be able to make that grownup declaration by himself.

I know this, becayse while I haven't had quite the same experience as CR, I was born with a few, um... considerations... that put me in a similar situation. My father would often ask, in public mainly, if I had to use the bathroom. Even when I was 10 years old. I always said no, and was extremely embarrassed at being 'treated like an incompetant' (how I saw it). Mind you, I was also always too worried about disturbing activities to actually speak up and say anything.

I have an idea that might or might not not work (depends on how well he can foretell the need). Another suggestion: Don't tell your husband about this until it's established, nor provide the tools, becasue it sounds like hubby's house isn't prime potty training territory, and this idea will break if it isn't adhered to consistently:

Get your son a plastic or a noisemaking toy (if it isn't too interesting to him) and teach him that it has one purpose: as an "i gotta go!" signal. He can take it out (or make it noise) when he needs to use the bathroom. He doesn't have to speak, and you don't have to mop. Hopefully.

Another thing, along the lines of what Mahini said, is that you can start carrying a square of liner plastic around and put it down on the furniture every time he's about to sit. Explain the purpose of the plastic: "If you pee here instead of the toilet, Mom has to spend time cleaning up. This doesn't FIX that, but makes it a little easier for mom" (him knowing that cleaning up pee is a long process that takes a lot more time and effort than taking him to the potty is an important realization - Mahini's way works too, for the same lesson).

Now, crinkly plastic is annoying! so this will either just make him uncomfortable enough to learn the toy-trick faster OR precipitate a rejection of the plastic, at which point you can propose an adult agreement/bargain with him: "Ok. WE won't use the plastic if you can indicate properly your need to toilet."

If bare plastic troubles you for safety or slipping reasons, velcro it into a folded blanket.

I think it's much harder with boys in general because they just don't care about the mess. I used to marvel at the irony of a child who can't stand a drop of water on his finger, but could care less about a toilet-worthy mess in his pants. Anyway, what worked over time for us was to establish potty times during the day and make it a rule. "You must always sit on the potty when you first wake up and then again in 2 hours (or sooner if need is apparent), and then again before lunch, etc." We made it part of his routine to minimize arguments over it. We kept at it and slowly, but surely, he caught on. He still has this thing about holding in poo for as long as he can. Not to the point of accidents (anymore), but his behavior is a clear reflection of whether or not he needs to use the bathroom. As soon as he finally goes, his bahavior is 1000 times better. This is also a bit of a plumbing problem as he has yet to meet a toilet he cannot clog, but I digress...

Potty traing sucks, but one way or another, they eventually get it down. Try not to make a big deal about it, but stay consistent.

We trained my son at age three and it was a process and one that took a lot of patience and work. First, he was naked so he could see what he was doing. Two, I knew when he usually went in the morning, so I had him sit on his potty (a nice bjorn potty) with me right behind him. We watched his favorite show(s) and when I heard him going (tinkle-tinkle), I gave all sorts of praise and then, together, we dumped it into the big potty and flushed it. We had a couple accidents on the floor (wood floors), but he got the pee thing down in a couple days.

Pooping, on the other hand, was a different story. He was afraid to poop in the potty and he could hold it for DAYS. I would stay with him, wherever he was, always there with the potty to 'catch it' if needed. There were a couple poo accidents, but most of the time, I would have to put a diaper on him to go somewhere, and as SOON as a diaper was on his butt, he would poop. UGH!! !! FINALLY, we 'caught' a couple of poops from careful watching and coaxing, and then that was OK.

Then, we had to get him to use the big potty. Bjorn makes a toilet seat insert the SAME shape as the potty chair, so that was fairly easy, but it did mean standing there with him, hugging him while on the potty and so on, to get him to be not afraid. And then, over those two or three months, it was done, but it did take that long.

Now, at age five, he refuses to go potty anywhere other than home and it has resulted in me having to place him on a potty and make him stay there until he goes when we've had really long days out. Fortunately, he can hold poo forever it seems if he needs to because there is no way I think I could convince him to poop anywhere but home.

Don't give up now! If he has the understanding of it, he will get it, it will just take some extra time and patience. If it is possible, I would recommend him not going for a visit to dad's until dad is on board with the training. You have to be consistent with it, and if he just keeps going back to" nappies," then it will confuse him. When we were training, I did put a pull-up on him we went places,but I explained to him why, and we eventually phased those out.

What I noticed about my son is that he didn't want to stop doing what he was doing to go to the potty. So I would take him on a schedule, and then if he didn't want to go, I would reward him with a little treat (a skittle or an M&M) for at least trying. When he did go, then I made a huge deal out of it. After a while, he got it, and he did not even ask for the treat. BTW, my son got trained shortly after he turned 4, so I think this is a good time.

Also, I agree with Cockney Rebel, do not scold or yell or make a big deal of the messes that are made. You will have to clean up a lot, but he will eventually get it. After a while though, I also told him that he would have to help me clean it up. Not in a mean way at all, just in a matter of fact way. I also think it made him understand that it was better to have it go in the potty instead of all over the floor.

My son is 5 now, and I still have to sometimes remind him to go to the potty. He does have the occasional accident, but he is overall trained. He doesn't have accidents at school.

Good luck, just stay focused and don't give up. He will get there!

Oh, my son also does not go poo at school! He will go other places, but not at school! LOL! He has gotten himself on a nightime schedule of going poo! Smart boy!

We did go through a time when my son would get constipated, and I would have to sit in the bathroom with him and coax him to go. Sometimes I felt like I was helping to deliver a baby!!!LOL! He has gotten a lot better though, and I just make sure he gets lots of fruits and vegetables to keep things moving along!

One of my family members was in diapers until they were seven. One day it was just different and they used the potty. No amount of coaxing, bribery, suggesting, mentioning, etc. worked at all. It seems to be an issue of transitions, change, anxiety, and not caring.

Apparently I also did the same where I wouldn't defecate in the potty for awhile. I wonder how common this is. Otherwise I never had any issues except accidents when I was too absorbed with something else... (which also seems common at least in autistics anyway.) Oh, I also wouldn't use public bathrooms for the longest time either.

The public restroom problem had a lot to do with them being a scary place and them just being "different." Most public bathrooms operate differently. They flush differently, are usually a lot bigger, toilet paper is in a different place, they're taller, they make a different sound... you get the idea. I just didn't understand it at all, as dumb as it sounds. It was too different. I didn't even understand how to flush the toiler in a public bathroom. We had to use paper towels OR a hand drier which are not cloth towels at home. The soap is different. The lights are bright. Kids go there to talk.

So if no one has helped their child in public bathrooms before that might be a good idea. No one ever did for me. I would literally have accidents in the bathroom, just walk there, and had brought pants to change into. Nobody ever knew that I'm aware of, but it wasn't something that happened very often. Who knows who cleaned that up.

During bathroom breaks at school I never went and instead remained standing in line because the children would go just to be able to talk amongst another and it didn't interest me.

Secondly: where the bathroom was located. When I went to another school or place I was easily lost and didn't understand where the bathroom was. Pointing does not help unless it is right in front of me. The signs confused me, too.

I'm not sure how applicable all this is here because you're probably already helping your children with these issues i.e. showing them the bathroom, accompanying them etc. There's just so many things that just seem "duh" but that can be so confusing; I wish I had more help with things when I was younger. It doesn't help matters that I kept these things relatively hidden, although I suppose it saved me the embarrassment in grade school.

I'm sorry about my colourful response. Potty training has been a hot topic for me, my entire life.

Mahini, I can understand and think that was a fair thing to do.

CockneyRebel, I would never punish or be angry with him, even if were NT

We're lucky we have a toilet downstairs aS Well as upstairs which makes it a bit easier.

I have AS myself so I have a good insight into my sons behaviour but I don't have any memories of being so young and what it was like to learn these things.

Will keep with it, thank you all for your suggessions and help

My son has "bathrooms" as one of his special interests! Everywhere we go, that is the first thing he wants to do is go to the bathroom to check it out. He talks about bathrooms alot too! There is another little boy that was in one of my son's classes that has the same "special interest" Wonder if he will outgrow it! LOL!

LOL anytime we go on trains my daughter goes to the toilet 100 times, I'm not sure that she needs to but just likes pressing the buttons etc. She's the same if we eat out

Only had one accident yesterday and so far only one today as I have been reminding/taking him often

Potty training is a difficult issue here too. Big changes in routine cause a lot of pee accidents often for weeks, sometimes months at a time. She is 5, completely dry at night, no poo accidents (one EVER! Before she was potty trained, it freaked her out and she never had one of those accidents again).

We're mid difficult spell at the moment and I'm definitely at my wits end with it. I don't punish because I know it's related to anxiety, routine changes etc. but it is so hard not to get frustrated sometimes when you're on underwear #7 or so!