Personal Space?
Hi all, I have issues with personal space. I often need to be alone in my room for many hours. My girlfriend is one of more the clingy type NT's, she often comes in just to SIT there and stare at me or watch TV---things she could do in the living room--other than Stare at me but WTF is the point in that??
I have asked her more than once that if she is going to barge in she needs to ask before hand, not just walk in unannounced.
i often ask what is so compelling, why she can't just do what she is doing in the other room, is there any particular reason she is in the room--she gets upset at me for this--I am upset at Her!
She did it just now and I am very very pissed off. Now I am in the living room which I didn't want to be in because it has 3 animals that can be very in your face.
If she wants me to be with her, she is going about it the most ineffective way, all it does is make me want to get away ASAP, I feel invaded.
Is this a common feeling? How do you guys deal with separation issues? I feel like she's the opposite end of the spectrum, I have together anxiety and she has separation anxiety.
I also like to be alone but I don't have a problem with my husband being in the same room on his computer or when he is watching TV while I am on the computer. I'm still doing my own thing and letting him do what he wants.
My personal space is where I am not touched and I don't like it when I get hugged all of a sudden or rubbed. I feel invaded and don't understand why my husband needs it. Unless I want it, that is different.
I am a NT female, so I am going to offer a suggestion that might work for both of you. When you explain to her that you need time alone, tell her that it isn't time away from her. You just need to be by yourself. Tell her that when you need this alone time that you will put a sign on the door. Like a Do Not Disturb sign or something. tell her if she needs something while you are alone to please knock on the door.
If she really needs some time with you, then you could compromise. Ask her to give you 30 minutes or an hour or whatever works for you of alone time. Then you will give her the same amount of together time.
That way you are both getting what you need. Make sure to give her a hug and a kiss before you go to your man cave. That will reassure her that you love her and make her feel good. She will be less likely to barge in on you.
_________________
Pam
I have asked her more than once that if she is going to barge in she needs to ask before hand, not just walk in unannounced.
i often ask what is so compelling, why she can't just do what she is doing in the other room, is there any particular reason she is in the room--she gets upset at me for this--I am upset at Her!
She did it just now and I am very very pissed off. Now I am in the living room which I didn't want to be in because it has 3 animals that can be very in your face.
If she wants me to be with her, she is going about it the most ineffective way, all it does is make me want to get away ASAP, I feel invaded.
Is this a common feeling? How do you guys deal with separation issues? I feel like she's the opposite end of the spectrum, I have together anxiety and she has separation anxiety.
Well you wanted a girlfriend. This is what you get.
I would just explain to her that you need a lot of time to yourself. Typically an NT girl would take this as "I'm not really all that interested in you and I'm looking for other girls behind your back," but if you said "I need a lot of time alone because I have AS and I get overstimulated and stressed easily" she will probably understand.
she knows i have AS and she even studies in the field of AS, I didnt know i had AS when we first got together, but we have since found it out and have made rules for eachother. She just doesn't follow them or decides that for some reason it wont bother me today when she will do xyz.
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