Is this an Aspie thing, or just me?

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I am noticing a pattern I go through every time a relationship ends. It does not matter if the relationship lasted a couple of months or a couple of years. Automatically afterwards,

1) I am very logical, thinking "Ok, it wasn't meant to work out. There is someone else out there for me. I'll miss the friendship I had with this person, but not the romantic involvement."

2) I quickly move on to other people & develop new crushes, losing attraction for the ex. This'll happen practically overnight.

3) I try to be platonic friends with the ex, remembering the good times we had and their positive traits that initially attracted me.

4) The ex is angry at me, needing time to heal from the breakup before we can be friends, and I have no idea why.



I know people with AS tend to have obsessions with something for a period of time & can just as quickly move on to something else, and that they tend to be very logical.

Could this be why I am only infatuated with people until I see that they are not all the things I projected onto them, and then I quickly become infatuated with someone else? Could my logical thinking be why I have an easy time looking at a breakup in a detached manner, seeing why it wasn't meant to be, rather than being heartbroken that it ended?

Or is it purely just a way that I personally am, because I'm a weirdo, and it has nothing to do with my AS?

My pattern is exactly the same.

I was going to comment that I wondered if age changed this pattern and then I saw your age in your profile. I am your age but I find that I was able to detach much easier when I was younger. However, I believe the shorter the relationship, the easier it is to detach from the ex-partner.

I'm very much like that, with one big difference: I have little or no desire to stay in contact with an ex after a break-up. I view a romantic relationship as a business agreement of sorts: I provide the romance and commitment, she provides the sex and physical affection. As long as both parties are fulfilling their terms, the relationship continues. But once the girl chooses to annul the agreement, there's no need to keep in contact because the original terms are not being fulfilled. I look for the next willing business partner, and the cycle repeats.

I don't think this is an Aspie trait. I think it has to do with your ability to form connections. I really don't understand it, so I may be wrong. It is just that my therapist was trying to explain to me how someone could just drop you from their lives. She said it had nothing to do with Aspie/NT thinking.

Then again I got a headache trying to understand it and wanted to start studying quantum dynamics. So take what I just wrote with a huge grain of salt.

I'm the exact same way. It's bothered exes before. I don't know why I should mope around if I'm not actually sad. It's given people the impression I'm uncaring which isn't true at all.

So, in answer to your question - yes, i think being logical helps keep the attachment from growing into something more all encompassing. I think it also depends on the level obsession with the other person.

I quite easily detached from two fiances, one of which I was living with for three years and had a baby by. If anything, I think the older I get the easier it is for me. I remember in high school things upset me more. I was more hormonal.

No, that's the thing, I never drop anyone from my life. I move on from the relationship quickly, but expect us to be friends and still talk to one another regularly. I expect the companionship to continue, despite the sexual aspect being over. Only they can't, because they need time to move on before they can be my friend.

I do not know if they are angry about the relationship not working out, or angry that it appears to have been no big deal to me. I just know I expect us to be as cool as if nothing ever happened, and they are too angry to do so. And it always confuses me.

I can totally understand why you would look at it that way. I think a lot of times I use my sexuality and the fact that I'm an attractive girl just to feel connected to people.. when deep down, what I really want is a friendship. Usually after I sleep with a guy, he wants to be with me, and he becomes like my best friend. When the relationship is over, I have no problems finding sex, but I want that friendship to last.

It's a really backwards way of doing things, I know. I'm just now starting to understand this about myself. It's actually easier for me to try to form friendships with people I'm not at all attracted to and have casual sex with people I would never want to be friends with. LOL. Sounds awful, but I'm happier that way. I'm tired of losing friends every time I have a breakup, and I'm tired of being in relationships. I've spent most of my adulthood in one long term relationship after another, and I was unhappy in all of them, I just didn't want to lose the companionship. I haven't had a close "best friend" since high school, so that is why.

Oh. Missed understood that one. Sorry. Perhaps it is an Aspie thing. I can see the logic in ending the sexual aspect of a relationship when there is no more attraction. I don't think you are incorrect in your actions. (Hopefully I am not misunderstanding it again.) I have always thought a quick ending is much better than drawing out the drama.

Perhaps you are seperating the sex from the love part of the relationship and your exes are having a problem doing that. I really don't understand why, since love and sex are two different things. I just want to be kinda redundant here and say that I don't think there is anything wrong with this.

Doesn't sound like something an NT would do at all.

I wish I was like that.

Are you talking about relationships you have ended or they have ended or both?

It doesn't matter who ends the relationship, or how long it lasts, etc. The pattern is the same every time.

That's how I am, I didn't used to be though, I used to mope around for weeks. The last time me and my ex broke up I didn't even eat for 2-3 days but I felt great pretty soon after that.

When somebody puts their finger to their lips and goes, ''ssshhhh'' to me, I get very upset and unhappy suddenly - I always have done. Is this an Aspie thing, or just me? Would I still be like that if I was born NT?

It sounds to me like a very logical way of putting it. A very Aspie trait if you have to ask me. From what I can gather Aspies use their logical thinking much more than NTs. For us NTs emotions often override the logical mind. Usually for NTs sex and affection are interconnected with each other and while it is not impossible to remain friends with your ex it does require some digestion of the break up and some moving on in that sense. The time required is different depending on how long and how deep was the relationship. The fact that you can so easily and so quickly reason yourself out of the relationship, tells me that you make up your mind about what seems to be best and do not have any longing for what the relationship was. I have no idea if you still have emotions for that person and just separate the emotions from the rest, or if emotions are just not "sticking" deeply enough to make an impact on you after it is over. I would never be able to look at a relationship like a business deal. To me the person I am with is so unique that I can never think of substituting him with anybody else. Of course as time goes by, you move on and you do fall in love again, but at the time of the relationship and for a time after the end of it I feel I will never find anybody that I can love so much. I wonder if these different ways of living a relationship impact on the way the other person feels. I wonder if your exes ever felt really unique if you can so easily substitute them with somebody else. This may be contributing to their heart break and to them needing even more time to heal. Just a thought.