Obsessions that lead to a broken heart

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Yeah, I think they're just culturally beaten down to where they doubt it could even exist in most guys, have a hard time thinking its not a scam to get in their pants when they do, and then when they do meet a guy like that its probably just as likely that they would get real nervous and fall back on all that stuff I mentioned ealier anyway . I mean I'll cross my fingers, I'd like to think luck could prevail there one of these days but relationships seem to be the one area of my life where if anything is left to luck its pretty much shot.

Ok, this just got ridiculous. I went into work again today, she was there, and while I wasn't even sure I wanted to talk to her (was getting some funky body language) I did and the kind of energy I was getting from her from then on felt like it was right off the hook. The thing that's really hitting me though is this - its not in my head, I'm not making it up or just telling myself this, and its nothing I'd need to lie to myself on to feel more attracted, but I'm really starting to get a lot of evidence and validation that this girl is either shadow aspie or sub-spectrum (but I mean barely a notch passed shadow AS). When I see her being herself and not fronting she has that same sort of frail semi-mystical indigo child presence - just like I do, just like a lot of aspies or auties who have that real abstract version of AS do.

Also, I have a lot of guy friends where...this is weird but I've noticed this in both sexes... these guys are outgoing, intelligent, popular, and yet think the world of me as a friend but when they meet a girl who seems to show the same things it flips their psycho-dar: I mean they're like canaries in terms of picking up irregularities in women. Last time a girl who I think had the same traits I did tried serving tables for a week or so one of those friends was server training and when I tried to ask what her name was he told me but he added something pretty judgemental about the fact that something was really wrong with her (gave the whole act like he got the Norman Bates creeps from her) and wouldn't you know it - back then a lot of the same upper-echalon NT women who thought I was a freak would get along with them great. This time I've got another friend working there, was telling him that I wanted to ask her out but wanted to orchestrate something where me, him, my roommates, and a couple other coworkers could go out so I'd have an excuse to invite her to something - he said he would but then again he gave me a good amount of warning on her and it seemed like his take on her wasn't the greatest. For me when I talked to her all I saw was good intent and as for her mannerisms or whatever might have thrown my friend off I can understand why I saw right through all that. He mentioned that she seemed real weird and insecure and I kinda told him so what, its a hard world these days and that doesn't bother me - the only times when I'll judge a person on oddities is if they're sheisty and will do messed up things - also that I'd still take her out regardless, see how things click, and since I'm feeling what I'm feeling (I explained to him what I said in that first paragraph about the emotional/mental connect) I still wanna give it a try. Whether it goes great, whether it bombs, or whether she in fact was worth warning me about - I really could care less because at this point in my life I think my regrets would come from taking preemptive guesses like that and then later on constantly questioning whether blowing her off was the right thing to do. So as it stands right now I'm gonna see if I can at least get her to chill with us. As for if she is on spectrum and doesn't know it - she'll see it in me, I think she already notices we've got a connection off to the side of what she sees in anyone else, and even if she brought that up I'd be real careful to hold back and tell her as much as I could before I dropped the word 'autism' or the term 'autistic spectrum' on her because if you've gone all your life thinking you were either normal or close to normal but maybe had something special that maybe had something spiritually linked to it I think it would be horridly crushing to have a word dropped on you that says at least in our culture "nope, your not special - as a matter of fact your something more like Auschwitz charcoal".

That would be cool if she was on-spectrum, even though I'm sure you're not looking for that specifically in a girl. Sometimes I question how reliable my AS-dar is because I'm seeing traits in so many people. But if it really were all in my head, there are plenty of other people who would be logical 'targets' and I'm not seeing it in them, so I guess I can trust my gut feeling... In your case it sounds like you've got some solid enough evidance to go on, between what you're seeing yourself and what you're hearing from your canary-friends.



Sounds like John. He's accepting enough of my weirdness (after all, he did marry me), but he's got a pretty sensitive radar for other people who are "different" and he tries to keep his distance from them (both male and female).



Good call. Maybe great things will come out of it - you'll never know if you don't try. Even if it doesn't work out, I think there's more potential for regret if you don't even give it a shot. (Not just this sitution in particular, it's a good thing to remember in general - moving forward requires getting out of our comfort zones and taking risks - not an easy thing to do.)



Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm in that situation with a few people (I've mentioned a cousin and a coworker before, and there a few others too) - it really is great having that connection, especially if you're both very aware of it... sometimes I'd like to have more open conversation about our similarities but even then, I don't think I'd ever use any actual labels unless there was a real obvious opening (like if the person was actually asking for it or whatever).

Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I can't help it. I do it to en_una_isla too.

Maybe you and she should talk.

I have hale_bopp's problem. Well, it's happened twice, and how it seems it's going to be a pattern.. I have an obsession with my ex, which can be really painful. We actually were together and apart over and over again for 3 years now, but I don't know anymore, I'm trying not to be overly hopeful. =/

I really, really get attached.. I sometimes wish we could just be apart and I could get over it, but I want to be together again so very badly. *sigh*

i've got a little theory 'on being attached to people you can't have'.
it is based on something i heard once, long ago...

it said that our sexual/love habits are formed at a certain age and that in later life we will seek to have the same elements to be there in order to fall in love (like the litlle duck following the first moving object, considering it his mother)

i don't remember at what age this should happen, but i do feel that anything we experience as a kid does have an enormous impact on later habits and especially preferences.
an exemple: my mother died when i was a kid, so 'love' and 'the fact that you don't have this person', join together, which makes that i fall in love with someone who doesn't want me, who is not there, just like my mother, cause mother=love (and if i fell in love with someone who wanted me, i tried to destroy this -not deliberately of course-) (i should say 'fell' in love cause i have someone, already more than 10years now, he had(and has) a real job convincing me to stay ))

if you now add the obsessional aspect then you get something really strong and hard to ignore
(i even fell in love with a boy that bullied me at school, with someone who needed comfort when his girlfriend wasn't there, a famous actor and with someone who had plenty of other girlfriends, to name just a few)

don't know whether it makes sence ...

I always manage to drive away the ones that I love.

Funnily enough my Mum walked out when I was eleven.

So yeah, I think I test people to see whether they'll let me down.... and then I act all surprised when they get fed up with my behaviour and do exactly that.

I'm fine with people I don't know so well. But the more I love somone, the more I tend to argue with them. It sounds crazy but it DOES seem to work that way, so maybe your theory is correct.

http://www.pygmalion.ws/stories/burne-jones1.htm

= 'pygmalion' by edward burne jones -prerafaelic painter-


--->pygmalion = story of impossible love written by Ovid -Latin poet- based on Greek myths (with a happy ending because of magic performed by the god venus)

i know for me since i have been diagnosed i have looked at myself in a different light.

what i found was that i was seeing myself the way i thought i should be according to the values of others. they made me confuse feelings of intimacy with sexual desire. i had assumed for quite some time that there was something wrong with me . . . and i was right . . . im bloody autistic. so its a big relief to have an explantion for all my woes after so long.

this can be summed up by saying that your feelings are very real and powerful but your perception of them may not be entirely accurate according to who you are.

im 30 and im still holding out for the fairy tale. good luck.