Did / Do you have 'Meltdowns' or 'Shutdowns'?

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Meltdowns can be seen as an emotional and sensory EXPLOSION; lack of safety, extreme emotional reaction, not responding effectively.
Shutdowns can be seen as an emotional and sensory IMPLOSION; retreating to a safe haven, lack of intellectual processing, responses are not the same as in normal conversation if it all.

I had, and still have, shutdowns a lot like the way you described them. You worded it very well, actually. I don't have them as often as I used to, but I still do from time to time. I've never had a meltdown in my life -- my anger always shoots from a 1 to a 2 so quickly that it goes overboard and I stop functioning and shut down. In fact, once, when I was small and I was a little irritated, I wanted to "throw a fit" and I had to ask my mother how to do it. She described the actions to me... stomp your feet, shake your fists, and scream... I concentrated so hard on doing all those actions at once that I forgot to be angry, so... I've never been able to show anger on the outside at all hahaha. It's too much to feel a strong emotion like anger AND show the physical signs of it.
When I start shutting down colours and sounds become amplified and blurry, and I can't feel my body much at all. Even though I've never had a meltdown, I would definitely choose shutting down, still.
Since I've learned more about myself, if I'm starting to shut down I can at least tell people. There have been instances where I was around people who didn't understand that I was any different at all, but if I am aware of myself in time I was able to tell them that I had to sit down (on the floor) and I was going to be very still and if they could please not talk to me or touch me because my "mind needs quiet" or I will stop functioning. So far, everyone I have ever said this too was probably a little confused but they were very compliant and actually nice about it. Even though they thought it was really weird. So, my shutdowns have been less frequent and less intense since I've been able to (robotically) tell people to leave me be when I start feeling that way. I know that not everyone is so lucky, but for me I'm lucky that it's a little better than it used to be.

i can relate. But often, i am too afraid for a meltdown aswell. It only reliefs stress, but doesnt really solve the problem that caused it. So i completely shut down untill i get my act together and then speak.words.slowly. No one has any idea what happens inside my mind so i always choose my worlds carefully and deliberately. All my actions go towards solving the problem while being as clear as possible. On the other hand, that also often causes the shutdowns aswell, or atleast: make it worse or happen earlier in a stressful conversation.

It's shutdown mode for me, I want to have meltdowns but rarely ever do. I like to go into a room by myself and not to talk to anybody for a while.

Mostly shutdowns for me, I can only remember 1 time I had a meltdown and it was a very, very long time ago.

Thanks, yes, I had both. Especially when I get pissed in both cases.

I have had, and continue to have, both. This tendency gets worse whenever I experience stress.

I tend to have both a meltdown and shutdown. I tend to have the meltdown first and then I begin to shutdown after the meltdown.

Thank you for that link. It was interesting.
I don't recognize all the things described there from my own life, but it was helpful anyway.

(I hate the term "meltdown"; it makes us sound like unstable psychotic maniacs, I personally prefer the term "Hulk-outs", because in many respects it parallels the triggers and inability to control our emotions that David Banner has when he becomes the Incredible Hulk).

That being said, I am more likely to have "Hulk-outs", then "shutdowns". I only shutdown when I have been under the same unresolved stress for an very extensive period of time, which fortunately is not often.

I remember three memorable Hulkouts I had in the past 4 years, two of them involved me at work, and one was the catalyst for me deciding not to pursue another attempt at taking the CPA exam after 3 1/2 failed attempts and the mere thought of studying triggering anger and frustration.

When I shutdown, I mentally go on autopilot, I literally do not care what happens to me, whether I succeed or fail, whether I live or die; it's as if I am emotionally paralyzed. Again, those instances were memorable in their own respect, albeit rare. I do vividly remember one shutdown in that it served as the catalyst for me losing my virginity, which subsequently triggered me getting myself out of autopilot and back in control of my emotions again. Go figure....

I had really bad meltdowns as a kid up until I turned 18 with screaming fits. I have learned to control my meltdowns since then and they now resemble classic panic attacks. Before I was diagnosed with Asperger's my psychiatrist misdiagnosed me with anxiety disorder because of this. I also shutdown when yelled at or made nervous.

I used to have both meltdowns and shutdowns. Now, I primarily have shutdowns. It's not because the meltdown isn't still happening. It's a really weird effect of my movement disorder (that didn't used to be as severe as it is now).

Basically... most people don't feel this because they move normally. But there are actually several stages that movement takes before your body actually physically moves. There's sort of (sometimes) the idea of the intent to move, then there's sort of a "pushing" from that intent, and then there's this really weird phase where you can feel what the movement would be but you haven't actually moved yet, and then there's the actual movement. And often when I try intentionally to move, I won't get past either the first, second, or third stage of movement, it just won't go all the way to my body. This used to only happen with intentional movement, but not happen with involuntary or nonvoluntary/semivoluntary movement. ("Nonvoluntary" and "semivoluntary" are words I use for a kind of movement that doesn't arise voluntarily, but that can sometimes be voluntarily suppressed to greater or lesser extents.)

Well... and this is the weirdest feeling I've ever had, or close to it... these days, many of my nonvoluntary and involuntary movements, such as the flailing, screaming, and headbanging involved in my meltdowns, or also some of my tics (which get more severe with overload as well sometimes)... those often no longer get past the third stage of movement, where you can sort of feel what the movement is supposed to be, but it hasn't happened yet. So I will feel myself inside screaming, banging my head, and generally flailing around and ticcing and stuff, but it never gets out. It reminds me of a quote (about something entirely different) in a book I read where cats were the main characters, and they talked about something being a really weird sensation that's like someone trying to wag your tail for you. It's like that. It's like I don't feel the first two stages of movement at all with it, the urge and then the pushing. All that I feel is the third stage where it feels as if the movement is almost taking place. And it's out of nowhere. And it's very weird.

And yet, with all that happening inside of me, I will usually just sit there very inert. More inert than usual. Sometimes a tiny bit of a movement will get out but it's just barely a ghost of the movement or vocalization that would otherwise happen. Like if I was going to scream, and it comes out barely above a whisper. I have gained slightly more self-control over the years, but this movement disorder gives me an illusion of self-control beyond anything that I am doing myself. This is actually a good thing because I think I've head-banged enough in the past to do brain damage, or at least get a few fairly serious concussions, like I'd be nauseated and get vertigo for months after banging my head hard enough. So I'm kind of happy about this in a weird way. It protects me.

But definitely I get more shutdowns than meltdowns now because all my meltdowns look like shutdowns. I don't know whether to call them actual shutdowns or not, because the feeling of the meltdown happening is still exactly the same as in a meltdown where you actually see the screaming and head banging. But all that happens is I go really inert, and it seems like the more frenetic the inside sensation of motion and screaming gets, the more inert, and often kind of limp, I get outwardly. It's actually a highly unpleasant experience at the time that it's happening, and it can get really scary.

It is very unethical to allow people who can't function in society to be free to move around in the world.

Stress to the person and services of governments can be stopped by simply putting people into asylums.

I have AS and I have serious problems when people invalidate me, I go off bigtime. I am not responsible for my actions if anybody gets hurt. If people want to piss me off then they accept the consequences of their silly NT actions.

Are you serious?

Keeping people out of asylums is a serious human rights issue. It's completely possible to get services in the community, and (although this shouldn't be the determining factor) also often cheaper, because there's no institution trying to make massive profits off of the inmates being there. I've spent my entire adult life working to stay out of such places and I'll be darned if I ever let anyone put me back in one, regardless of how well or poorly I "function in society". (Which is generally not well.)

Hmm. I might have to make a version of my own. Because my cognition and perception is significantly different from that. I commonly lose abilities that aren't even touched on (or are barely even touched on) in that scale. I've long wanted to make several separate scales for things like this too. Because like... for me cognition may be on one level and physical may be on another, and so forth. And even different types of cognition may be on different levels. It's very complex and I have great difficulty using categories at all, so even after years of trying I've had a lot of trouble. This is the only thing I ever managed to come up with:

http://ballastexistenz.autistics.org/?p=628

And even there I'm frustrated with its imperfections. (It's basically dealing with different levels of perception of written language and/or language in general.)

As a heart attack.