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the_curmudge
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30 Oct 2010, 2:24 pm

Handshakes are tolerable to me with people I know or people it would be advantageous to know, but truly loathsome with strangers who are trying to force friendship or agreement on me too soon. Yet it seems terribly insulting to refuse an offered hand. Are there any polite ways to avoid handshakes?



ediself
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30 Oct 2010, 2:27 pm

a friend of my son the other day refused my handshake in a way that seemed polite enough to me, he said "i'd rather not do that if you don't mind", but maybe it's only good for kids....not sure if it would seem polite enough if it were a grown up, to a NT...



Michael_Stuart
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30 Oct 2010, 2:34 pm

Well, I usually try to force a handshake, lest they do some sort of weird fake kissy thing that's common in the cultures I'm around. The best way to avoid a handshake, I've found, is to try some sort of different greeting such as the one I mentioned. Of course, you might not always like those better.



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30 Oct 2010, 2:52 pm

yes, like Michael_Stuart said, i think the way to avoid the handshake it is to initiate something else before anyone sticks their hand out.

handshakes are becoming less common, have you noticed? at my husband's work (sales floor), there are very few handshakes anymore, not even to seal a deal.

i'm more comfortable doing a handshake with strangers, actually. they are an unknown quantity, so i can assume things aboput them that make me more comfortable. like, i can imagine that a male job interviewer washed his hands after he used a urinal. but if i was just in a house with a guy i am acquainted with, i could HEAR that he didn't wash his hands, for example. people gross me out, and the more i know about them, the grosser they seem.


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the_curmudge
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30 Oct 2010, 3:20 pm

Agreed, Michael_Stuart, any kind of handshake is better than some sort of weird fake kissy thing but I'm hoping in business, at least, that's not yet an option.

It occurs to me that when I was growing up in the Dark Ages, women, or perhaps it would be proper to say ladies could politely accept or reject handshakes from men; in fact, men were supposed to wait to see if a woman would offer her hand. I'm not aware of any women using this practice now, and it isn't of use to me, even so, but it is evidence of handshakes being viewed as sometimes too intimate.



CockneyRebel
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30 Oct 2010, 4:20 pm

I don't have issues with handshakes myself but I've noticed that the host of 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' does and he does fist touches instead. I think it's quite cool. That could be the aspie gesture. 8)


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Jediscraps
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30 Oct 2010, 4:33 pm

Do you mean Howie Mandel?

I can do handshakes. It makes me nervous when I know it might be coming up though and when I wonder if it's expected of me. I prefer not to. I don't fully get it.

Maybe doing a sort of wave gesture might work? I never really initiate them or know how to do it very well. I've tried to initiate them a couple times or so but I don't feel very comfortable and I'd rather not. I'd only be doing it for the other person.

I really hate the "cool" type of handshakes. I could never do them and I felt foolish.



Severus
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30 Oct 2010, 4:40 pm

My, I am your Dr. Beverly Hofstadter when it comes to handshakes :lol:
Seriously, I'd avoid any kind of contact but when I feel I am about to get hugged, I prefer to force a handshake. Trouble is, sometimes this gets misinterpreted and I get a hand kiss instead (ewwww).



Coldkick
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30 Oct 2010, 4:58 pm

Howie Mandel has germophobia (OCD-type) that's why he won't shake hands.



Aspie1
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30 Oct 2010, 5:59 pm

I've been working corporate jobs since 2004, and became very accustomed to handshakes. I have no problem doing it, and I even got the hang of the proper way to do it (firmly but not bone crushing, and do a short up-and-down pump once or twice). The only time I declined a handshake in favor of a fist bump is when I had to come to work with cold. (For those of you outside the US, this is very common here.) I simply said: "I have a cold; do you mind if we go like this [initiating fist bump] instead?" The person said "understandable", and no harm done. But in the vast majority of cases, declining a handshake is considered disrespectful, so just tough it out. Also, the person I did it with was a regular employee; I would not do it with someone manager-level or higher. Instead, I'd simply point out that I have a cold, and let him or her decide how to proceed.



ruveyn
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31 Oct 2010, 12:07 am

Hand shaking spreads germs and disease. It should be replaced by bowing, like the Japanese do.

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Cicely
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31 Oct 2010, 12:27 am

I hate handshakes. It's not just the germs, although that's part of it. Mostly it's because I don't like the feeling of touching people's hands. Unfortunately I don't know a polite way to avoid handshakes, so I typically just put up with them. It's better than being greeted with a hug or kiss. The good news for me is that I rarely have to shake hands in regular social settings, since most people in my age group aren't big on handshakes anyway.



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31 Oct 2010, 12:46 am

I would love to become rich enough to afford to have someone go into a room before me to explain Mr. Todesking does not wish to be looked directly in his eyes or to shake anyones hand. Please refrain from touching him in anyway. He is not stuck up or thinks he is better than you he is autistic and touching you will hurt him. Thank you very much and sorry for the inconvience. 8)


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Severus
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31 Oct 2010, 3:39 am

Todesking wrote:
I would love to become rich enough to afford to have someone go into a room before me to explain Mr. Todesking does not wish to be looked directly in his eyes or to shake anyones hand. Please refrain from touching him in anyway. He is not stuck up or thinks he is better than you he is autistic and touching you will hurt him. Thank you very much and sorry for the inconvience. 8)


Good idea. Might as well print this and put it on my front door.
I'd add a risk disclaimer: 'Severus does not like being an object of sucking up, flattering or being hit on. Do so at your own risk'.



Fudo
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31 Oct 2010, 4:40 am

Coldkick wrote:
Howie Mandel has germophobia (OCD-type) that's why he won't shake hands.
me too, also known as mysophobia.. i just flinch when people try nowadays. they seem to leave me alone.. :(
but i've always hated handshakes except gentle ones from women, men just squeeze my hand and it's usually uncomfortable, if not slightly painful.



billybud21
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31 Oct 2010, 8:53 am

I can do hand shakes, but I hate them. It is so de rigueur for most people, however I need to think to do it. I was sitting in my office a couple of days ago thinking about how luck I am that I have a lowly position where no one touches me and I do not have to touch anyone. Such happiness. I also teach a college course and I have yet to be touched or touch any of my students. Works out pretty good.


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