A former bully and I worked it out

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Let me take you back a little bit to explain this:

I already had the guy as a "friend" on Facebook, cause as I've mentioned in the past save for a few people in my life, most haven't shown themselves to be so bad to me--in retrospect--that they wouldn't be added. Compared to some people I met in life later on, most of them just seemed as threating as a lame April Fools Joke...albeit poorly executed.

The way I see it is: I'm not hanging out with them tomorrow or anything, they're just people I used to know, and I added 'em on Facebook; that's all.

A few either removed me or won't even add me, and that's their choice, whatever...I really don't care; but I'll actually tell you something funny about this situation shortly; it's not the main point.

Recently, a former bully posted some status information about something going down in the town I grew up in( not my hometown( where I lived the first year of my life, and I still love), the town I grew up in. I asked him--I kid you not--"what's all the hub-bub going down in (town name being withheld)?", to which I never received a response; but to be fair, I wasn't all that bothered by it; just a thing I thought I'd chime in, and see what was up.

Well, two nights ago, I got home from work and had thrown some of our website stock on eBay as it looked like it was doing really well, and was having a really nice discussion with my room-mate/partner.

Just as my room-mate was going to bed, I received a Facebook chat/IM via AIM....it was from the former bully.

He told me he didn't want to seem like he was ignoring me, in the process telling me that there were just certain things he didn't want to go into detail with where everyone could see it. And no, this had nothing to do with me; just some really bad $#!+ going down in the town, and much of the information was something that he didn't feel comfortable announcing where the world could see it; I'd already sort of had some idea, but he told me just how bad it had gotten. Again, he told me he didn't want me to think that he was ignoring what I'd said.

It was at that point I told him that I'd actually mostly forgotten that post--hadn't really thought about it--but I did appreciate his willingness to acknowledge me whereas most of my former classmates do not.

I started asking him about his life and things like that, and we started talking about how much things had changed for both of us. He sounded like he'd really grown up...and told me--having a part time job in a nightclub being a bouncer, he's had to deal with people of all walks of life, many of whom treat him the same way he treated me and others-- & he realized he'd been a total douchebag when he was younger, and he really regretted it.

To come out and admit something like that is not easy for many people...only a few former classmates have been willing to do so. After a bit of a chat, I decided to let him in on my being diagnosed with mild Autism, and I said "so if you ever wondered anything, that should answer pretty much everything".

Pretty much right there and then he told me he was so sorry for how he treated me; he felt terrible about it, and that he's sure he didn't make my life any easier than anyone else did.

Like I said....to come out and willingly admit to being wrong like that...it takes a lot of balls to do that. Most people don't have it in them.

Unfortunately, as we were talking, I got knocked off the internet for a while, but when I came back on, I sent him a message on Facebook....I told him I held nothing against him for it, and I appreciate his words, and I was proud of him for dealing with his past. I told him he had my respect for it--and I assure you, that isn't easily acquired.

He also told me that he reads my posts all the time on Facebook, and that he might want to direct his brother to my website, as his bro loves toys.

Am I gonna suddenly bring the guy in my circle? Probably not likely, but I may hit him up again here and there about various things. I was really impressed with the whole exchange...seriously. Again, I wasn't even looking for an apology or anything--he came to me!

What I find most interesting though is it seems to be the really bad ones that have been "dealt" the blade of life, and have had to deal with who they are; most of the a**holes who "cheered them on" are still the petty little f*ckers they always were; I find that so fascinating. But it likely explains to me why I still despise the majority.

Nonetheless, it was a very amazing experience.

I'm really glad for you. I've had this once, where someone who made me feel practically suicidal acknowledged remorse... and I was able to move on. Forgiveness is wonderful, I'm so glad that you've been able to meet someone who regrets their behaviour. Now you can move on.

I am glad you were able to forgive. The only thing I want to work out with a former bully is where to hide the body.

Heh, far as I'm concerned I'd already long since moved on

I didn't need a request of acceptance from another to move on with my own life; I'm in control of my life, no one else is.


However, this did present me the opportunity to share with someone from my past the knowledge that I have now which I was glad to be able to do.

Like I said...it seems to be the really really bad ones that got hit hard with life, and wound up growing up. For another instance, another former classmate later on in life got thrown in jail, and "became someone's b*tch"; trust me, after that experience, he was no longer in any circumstances to be a douchebag to anyone; so long before I really even found out about being Autistic, or even left NJ for that matter, he was being a lot cooler to me. He's also on Facebook now; still seems to have problems with the law, but I certainly have some more respect for him than I otherwise would have.

No, the ones who still seem to be douchebags--for the most part-- are the ones "in the middle"; but it shouldn't be a surprise really. They followed the bad people due to peer pressure, and cheered them on because of it. Just remember that these are the the ones that help in making the bad ones the majority of society.

And before you state otherwise, just remember what Ulysses said to all of those that followed the main jackass in trying to seduce his wife: "you had the choice whether or not to follow him, and you chose to do so; now you pay for your bad decision". ':B-)

Although funny enough, one of the few other cases I've experienced where a former classmate expressed regret was indeed one of the "middle" folks...but she was easily bordering more on the bad than the good at the time.

It sounds like it was a wonderful experience. I wish my bullies would apologise to me, although i doubt they have any idea how bad they made me feel.

Although, your post made me reaslise that as awful as the bullies were to me, they are the ones who have to live with the fact that they are horrible people and they are forced to be with themselves all the time...

Wow, that's great!

That's a great story.

exactly!

Like I said, I didn't even go to him....he came to me.



In the end, it really isn't my problem, and I'm not the one who really has to be worried about it.

Remember: the very society that promotes them as much as they do are generally not too bright, emotionally biased, and suggest extremely poor self-esteem; the best I notice society usually seems to make sense of generally is pseudo self-esteem....which is basically little more than renaming a steaming pile of sh!t a vat of gold.

As Pinhead said it best in the truly awful Hellraiser: Inferno "welcome to your own hell!"

Interesting case. Not entirely unexpected. Given his job description, he had to grow a pair to be even alive today. Sounds like someone who could be a good ally in the future. Just a thought.

reformed and redeemed bullies are a useful force of nature, they uniquelly have the brains, brawn and heart to help the less fortunate.

Made my week!

I am happy for you. I have worked things out with some former bullies and usually things in their lives have had to happen to make them grow up. But there are a handful who have not changed at all. It's pretty sad when you think about it. If they have not changed by now, chances are they will not since the older one becomes the more set in their ways they are... usually anyway.

Mir

Like I said, from what I notice it's usually the "middle ground" people who don't really change. It's not a surprise though. They're so weak-minded and insecure that they'll jump behind any bad person just to feel superior.

Pitiful, really.

people do change, the good people realize their mistakes and try to improve on them. If i even told half my past you would know that my past is what drives me, helps me to make every decision. I was a total ass back in the day. I hurt a lot of people directly and indirectly and i live with it everyday, but no more That is good tho, its always nice to talk to someone from long back and see that they have changed.

Well the guy apparently didn't change as much as I'd thought.

After a crisis hit our class I believe earlier this year, I said something that he took the wrong way, and when I tried to apologize for it, as it was not intended to be in any disrespect in any way, sometime shortly thereafter I discovered he'd de-friended me on Facebook.

Oh well, it is what it is.

I guess he was just one of the folks who thought he'd changed, but deep down really hadn't.

In the very least...I've learned from this that no matter what, the town I grew up in and I will never be on good terms.

And I'm totally ok with this.