Creeper in university rec center showers

Post Reply New Topic

So I'm in swimming at my university and after each practice I like to take a shower to rinse out my swim jammer and wash the chlorine off of me. They have different locker rooms, one for the competition pool and another for the spa and leisure pool along with the gym part. That locker room can also be used by people that use the competition pool if they desire. Our practice is after the normal operating hours of the competition pool so they close down that locker room but don't lock it. They just turn the lights int he showers off to get ready to lock up after we leave. Since I don't want to shower in the dark I have been using the other locker room showers which are actually nicer anyway.

I have no problem showering in the communal showers and like that better over the private showers and really don't care who sees me in the showers as it does not bother me. ANYWAY I have not had any problems until recently on 3 different occasions. The first time there was another guy in the showers when I got in which is just fine EXCEPT the fact that he started watching me and started to jack off when he was watching me. Then he moved over to use the shower right next to me and continued jacking off. I ignored him and finished my shower and then got out. That happened again another night only he did not move over to use the shower next to me. Then the third time I was swimming at a different part of the day with a friend and saw the guy in the spa and the time he left which I took note of. My friend and I wanted to leave then too but waited because of what that guy does in the showers so we left 15 minutes later. When I got to the showers he was just getting out and drying off and then got back in when he saw me heading to the showers. Then he did the same thing but like the previous time did not move to the shower next to me. I again ignored him and when I got out when I was done he did the same and purposely bumped into me when I was running my swim suit through the water extractor spinner machine and said "have a good day" and I said "you too" and walked away. I didn't know what else to say. Then after that he got back in the showers again and as he did before (I didn't yet mention it though) looks out from the showers to spy on people and then I assume jacks off. It seems very strange and I've not seen any of the other guys ever doing anything like that in the showers before and I don't know why he would want to do that in public.

Then I wrote up a detailed description of what happened on each of the 3 occasions and took it to the Rec center to complain about it. They were very concerned about it and said it was a serious offense and asked if they could call the police for me to file a police report because they said that was what I should do so I let them do that. While waiting for the police to arrive they went through some security camera footage with me and I told them the time the guy left the spa the last time and they set the cameras to that time and were able to see him as he walked toward the door to the locker room. It was a good picture of him but not good enough to get a positive identification as they said. Then the police arrived and we filed the police report. The police said he can be charged for sexual harassment and a sex crime for indecent exposure because of the masturbation. They said they don't even have to catch him in the act, I would just have to agree to testify against him for the university (in court I assume).

I was told the next time I see him I should tell anyone that works there to call the police and don't even have to explain why and if I can't get them to do so then I can walk up to the main desk (even in my swim suit if I have to) past the signs that say "no swim attire allowed beyond this point" to ask them to call the police. I don't want to really do that though in a tight fitting jammer because it would just feel kind of awkward.

THE PROBLEM IS THIS:
1) If I see him again (which I probably will because he seems to have figured out the times that I am there for swimming) should I ask for the police to be called so they can find out who he is by I guess watching him and getting a good look at him so they can find out where he checks in so they can get a positive identification on him?

2) OR should I not ask for the police to be called and go over to the guy and ask him why he does what he does and or ask him to not do it anymore and warn him that he could get in trouble for it?

I just don't want to do option 1 and then feel bad about it when he gets banned from the Rec center and possibly arrested and charged however maybe I shouldn't feel bad about it because that is probably what he deserves even if I did not warn him and ask him to stop doing it. With the security cameras they also saw younger kids going into the locker rooms after some kind of youth practices those nights that they seem to be concerned about. The guy looks like he is probably between 25 and 30 years old while I am 22 and most of the other users of the locker rooms are college students.

Also out of this it sounds like they are going to talk to the head guards at the competition pool and tell them not to turn the lights int he showers off until we are done with out practice and have left since that was the main reason why I was using the other showers.

I'd be scared that he could get violent if you try to confront him about his behavior.

I think these are the characteristics of a stalker! and I would consider it as a sexual harassment.
And I agree with kaybee92. You can't just expect such unstable person to be calm when you confront them. I'm sure he is very aware of what he is doing.

There might be an alternative. And that is for the police to give him a criminal tresspass warning. That way if you returns to the university, he can be arrested for tresspassing.

I think your instincts are probably good. Yeah, I'd feel bad, too. It does seem overboard on the part of the police. (and officialdom often seems this way, they either do nothing or go heavy and ponderous. They seem to lack that middle stage)

Okay, you don't want to negotiate with the police yourself. That is an awkward position for you to be in. Maybe the university ombudsman or 'Dean of Students' department. And if you can afford it, maybe even take a lawyer with you when you can to Dean of Students. Or an RA, or a coach, or a friend. 'Look, the guy's a first-rate jerk, I want him kept off campus. But no, I don't think I want to bust him for a "sex crime."' Having someone there with you changes the social dynamic in that they realize you have thought this through and are not going to change your mind.

That's a good idea and I like it. I guess that would still involve me using option 1 though to have the police called in.

Yeah, but what I'm trying to say is that you don't need to negotiate with the police by yourself. If you have a friend or a coach standing next to you as you talk with the police officer, that will make a world of difference.

And your friend needs to understand, yeah, you want the guy banned from campus but you don't want to testify toward these heavy-duty charges. Your friend either agrees with you and/or respects where you're coming from. Now, how much of this you say to the police is a question of diplomacy and strategy, usually less is more. For example, your friend says, 'Rob wants the guy banned from campus. He doesn't want to testify.' And that will probably be enough. And if necessary, your friend might add a little bit more, 'Rob's thought about it. He's talk it over with his RA, and he has decided not to testify.' See how having a friend there potentially helps you? It is better standing there with your coach. But standing there with a friend is a heck of a lot better than standing there by yourself. If you get a chance, pick up a copy of Herb Cohen's "You Can Negotiate Anything" (now dated but still good). In spite of what we often tell young people, getting someone to negotiate on your behalf often is the mature, responsible way to handle it.

OK, I could do that and get the coach or one of the guys or girls on the swim club to go in with me to talk to them about it if it comes to that. BUT what if I want to base my decision on whether or not he has previously been in trouble with the law for something similar? I wonder if I could do that.

Generally not, we don't have citizen-led prosecution. However, it sounds like it's kind of a two-stage process in any case. (1) if the guy comes back, you have the rec people call the police, walking through whatever non-suit area you need to, and then (2) probably several months later, an assistant district attorney person like that will try and encourage you to testify.

It's not uncommon for many gay men to "cruise" places they might be able to hook up with another guy for casual sex. Public places like gyms with locker rooms and communal bathing are excellent place to "shop" and try to find other like-minded guys interested in a casual encounter.

However, his conduct is improper. Even if he could have misinterpreted something you're doing as responding to his flirtation, he has no reason to try to make such open advances towards you, and masturbation in front of someone, while potentially just flirtation, would only be "appropriate" if you were openly responding in similar fashions, something I'm certain is not the case here.

If you want to kind, if you see him again, you could politely and quietly tell him that the staff knows what he's been doing and will contact security if they catch him, and that he should leave and not come back if he wants to avoid any problems that would cause him. If after that he remains or leaves then comes back on another day, he's potentially a sexual predator and poses a real threat to people. If he disappears and doesn't come back, he's found that his "hunting ground" isn't safe and he should go elsewhere to look for consenting partners.

I should note that a complication I'm not considering is one of whether he has a "right" to be there. Some places are open to the public, but others are restricted based on membership of some form. A place open to the public could bar someone for inappropriate conduct, but not say they are trespassing. Other places might really be reserved for "members" (health club or school facilities), but really anyone could get in with no problems. In that case, if he's not a member, he's trespassing.

If you think that's too risky or have already expressed non-interest towards him, or just don't want to bother giving him one last chance to walk away, just let the staff know he's there and to get security right away. Let them sort it out.

OK well based partially on what I was told on here and by what some of my friends and people in swimming said, I have come to the conclusion that the best course of action is to have the police called and then testify for the university and get him charged for a sex crime. It is evidently what he deserves and what I should do and I guess I should not feel bad about doing it even if it does screw that guy's life up.

I have to admit though I do like the idea of just getting him for "criminal trespassing" to give him some kind of "criminal trespassing warning" but evidently that is not what people in swimming think I should do nor what some of my friends think. It is a university student recreation center with a gym and swimming pools and all and the users have to be a valid student with an ID or a paid member as it is not open for just anyone to casually walk in and use unless they pay.

Although I never expressed any interest in what he was doing I also didn't directly express any non interest or disgust by it either other then deliberately not paying attention to him. Therefor he MIGHT have thought I wasn't bothered by it even though I kind of was, I just didn't directly express it. I suppose that means I might have been giving him mixed messages or saying that I didn't care without actually saying anything verbally but he still should not have been doing that.

Thank you all for your advice and input.