How might it be precieved?

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How might some aspie behaviour be preceived by strangers to be rude and contemptible etc....?

In communication, there are some tacit rules and behaviors. Aspies for a reason or another, just miss them.

They can in some cases:
- Not perceive what is not explicitly told to them and carry on doing what they do
- Not express the expected behavior, and send a mixed or inappropriate message

Both will generally lead to a snowballing of quiproquo consequences that makes us look either rude or contemptible or both...

So bascily we behave in a rude and contemptible manner without realising it. even our facial expressions can be inappropriate.

Not always! but this is the way people sometimes consider us rude. Often when we are told at the moment that we did not behaved/said/responded the proper way, we come with a perfectly valid and rational explanation of our behavior, where the tacit side is nonexistent and not realized on the other side of the argument: classic Aspie win. We are then considered behaving in a contemptible manner.

So basicly we repel people?

i think these are more undesriable traits in male aspie behaviour and more acceptable in female aspie behvaiour.

I won't state this a general rule, it depends of too many parameters. I could also say that it attracts people in some cases.

The brain works in strange ways. There is a feature that switches the personality of a person depending of the level of trust, it's a survival reflex. By not behaving the expected way, we silently might raise suspicion in some people in some circumstances.



Dig, slice and inspect the obvious. Learn about yourself, learn the unspoken rules, don't fight your nature but expand it to listen and help others. Our logic is powerful and difference can become an asset for us as it is a need for the other.

Do you think though its unfair societys expecations of men socially and in other areas of life etc.....?

Yes was my feeling for a long time, for instance, why don't we have like a simple test and automatically find the best woman that suits us, not with the same ideas, but someone compatible. That woman would be interesting, loving, funny, would make us want to be a better person everyday and it would be the same for her so that we had may children and lived for yadi yadi yada...

Instead, we have to go on the trial and error bumpy road, with deception, pain and regret (NT and Aspies side by side!). And so comes the mating in the great theory of evolution and in that perspective, everything looks unfair and cruel: that butterfly eaten (by mistake) by this zebra hunted and eaten by that lion...

And after a lot of thinking, nature is not unfair, nature just is. But the situation is not hopeless, we cannot change the world but we can find lots of things to tweak and improve our lives, it is challenging, we can study and share to avoid mistakes and create to make life better.

And if you are not convinced, at least, think of it, it is not that unfair: you could have been that butterfly eaten by the zebra!

The biggest problem I encounter is when people think I'm actively ignoring them because I'm not responding in the expected ways. Conversations have certain natural check-points where you're supposed to either encourage or discourage further interaction. Failure to respond is interpreted as rudeness or aloofness, as the perception is that you can't even be bothered to interact with them. The challenging thing here is that what sounds like meaningless chit-chat is seen as meaningful to the one who is speaking, even though the meaning is not in the words, but rather in the social context and nuances accompanying them. It takes a special effort to remain cognizant of this.

In the vast majority of cases, the general chit-chat is simply 'checking in', like servers sending 'ping' packets to see whether the lines of communication are still open. It's often sufficient to simply 'echo' the response: "It's a nice day today". "Yes, the sky is so blue and clear." If you don't at least echo, the other person thinks that something must be broken.