This is really exhausting and uncomfortable

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samtoo
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03 Nov 2010, 10:21 pm

Aye, same old, same old.

Basically, yes, you guessed it - ex girlfriend of six months ago - she just won't bloody talk any more. I can't get a word in that registers any more. It's terribly frustrating that she won't respond even if I almost spend an entire night trying to call, and if I send the most depressed messages to her, via phone or a website.

If she could just talk at least once in a while it might be good, but she just won't.
I find it really difficult to adapt to this terribly harsh situation.

My attempts to talk are becoming less frequent, but why must someone cut contact entirely?

I'm bored, frustrated, and so often balancing a fine line between relatively content and utterly ill.


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samtoo
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03 Nov 2010, 10:24 pm

Here's a song for the heartbreak: -

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUELu8o5KJg[/youtube]
:clown: :(


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HopeGrows
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03 Nov 2010, 10:39 pm

samtoo wrote:
My attempts to talk are becoming less frequent, but why must someone cut contact entirely?

I suspect she had to cut contact entirely because you haven't accepted the break-up. You've said that you refuse to move on, and she has moved on. You keep turning to her for emotional support, but she's no longer comfortable offering emotional support to you. What other option does she have?

Look, I don't believe in remaining "friends" after a break-up, because it's usually a pretense: the person who initiates the break-up will offer "friendship" as a way of softening the blow of the separation - but it's usually a hollow offer; the person who is dumped will beg for "friendship" as a way of rekindling the romantic relationship. People will even propose "friendship" if they used a break-up as a bid for attention or control - and were unexpectedly taken at their word.

Whatever the case, friendship immediately after a break-up is typically not going to work. Emotions are too raw, and time has to heal those wounds before a new set of "friendly" emotions can grow - if they ever do. You've really got to stop trying to contact her - for your own sake as well as hers.


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nthach
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03 Nov 2010, 10:41 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
samtoo wrote:
My attempts to talk are becoming less frequent, but why must someone cut contact entirely?

I suspect she had to cut contact entirely because you haven't accepted the break-up. You've said that you refuse to move on, and she has moved on. You keep turning to her for emotional support, but she's no longer comfortable offering emotional support to you. What other option does she have?

Look, I don't believe in remaining "friends" after a break-up, because it's usually a pretense: the person who initiates the break-up will offer "friendship" as a way of softening the blow of the separation - but it's usually a hollow offer; the person who is dumped will beg for "friendship" as a way of rekindling the romantic relationship. People will even propose "friendship" if they used a break-up as a bid for attention or control - and were unexpectedly taken at their word.

Whatever the case, friendship immediately after a break-up is typically not going to work. Emotions are too raw, and time has to heal those wounds before a new set of "friendly" emotions can grow - if they ever do. You've really got to stop trying to contact her - for your own sake as well as hers.

I've seen this happen to my NT friends with some degrees of success - but I think in your case it's time to move on. Cut her off, even if she's gonna think you're a rude prick. Take some time off for yourself.



samtoo
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03 Nov 2010, 10:45 pm

HopeGrows: True... I wish I was a wise person... a wise person wouldn't let a few nights of loneliness and emotional oppression stress them out this much, but, for the intelligence I have, wisdom is sorely lacking.
I like to read quotes and philosophize about life, which is nice when it works.

Tonight was another example of a lonely, harsh night, too much going on in my head, not enough good things going on...

I'm thinking hard about life, and sometimes that hurts.

nthach: Well it's more the other way round - she cut contact entirely, and I can't ever get her to say but a single word any more.


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HopeGrows
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03 Nov 2010, 10:56 pm

OP, you have to identify other sources of comfort. That's where you gain the wisdom: by accepting your situation, and struggling to figure out what comes next in your life. Have you ever heard people talk about wisdom that is "hard won?" This is what they're talking about - it's hard to work through a crisis like the one you're having. But if you want to start making progress toward feeling better, you've got to start doing the work. Find things that make you feel better; try new things; have new experiences; go places you haven't been; force yourself to learn a new way to sooth your anxiety and sadness. You can do this. As a matter of fact, you're the only one who can do this...it all starts with one step.


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nthach
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03 Nov 2010, 10:57 pm

well, in your case I would try to do something to "flush" her out of your cache, so to speak. I know us aspies have socialization issues, but I would go out one night - not somewhere you have vivid memories of your girlfriend but someplace special in your heart/head.

Also, DON'T try initiating contact with her. I'm thinking that's a source of angst for you. Just let it go.



samtoo
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03 Nov 2010, 11:06 pm

Hopegrows: It feels like I only have one source of comfort in life - music, and that itself is demanding right now, because I'm trying to get good enough to really start standing out with it, and that of course is not simple work, once I really get the ball rolling.

nthach: Aye... I've gone a few days without attempting to talk to her, but I started trying again tonight.
People do indeed tell me exercise is necessary, but even that feels difficult and pointless half the time, for me.

Just why is it that problems arise like this, when there is no call for it?
Human civilization feels so unreal sometimes.


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ToadOfSteel
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04 Nov 2010, 12:14 am

HopeGrows wrote:
Find things that make you feel better; try new things; have new experiences; go places you haven't been; force yourself to learn a new way to sooth your anxiety and sadness.


I just want to ask one question... how does anything like that make you happy? For people like the OP and myself, it's that deep connection that makes us happy. It's not what we do with our lives, but who is important in our lives...



samtoo
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04 Nov 2010, 12:56 am

ToadOfSteel: I know the feeling.
I hope for the best for you, and I hope for the best for me.
*Hug*


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nthach
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04 Nov 2010, 1:06 am

Man, if you were in the Bay Area I'd take you to a bar and we'll talk about a plan to get her off your mind.



hale_bopp
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04 Nov 2010, 1:54 am

samtoo wrote:
Aye, same old, same old.

Basically, yes, you guessed it - ex girlfriend of six months ago - she just won't bloody talk any more. I can't get a word in that registers any more. It's terribly frustrating that she won't respond even if I almost spend an entire night trying to call, and if I send the most depressed messages to her, via phone or a website.

If she could just talk at least once in a while it might be good, but she just won't.
I find it really difficult to adapt to this terribly harsh situation.

My attempts to talk are becoming less frequent, but why must someone cut contact entirely?

I'm bored, frustrated, and so often balancing a fine line between relatively content and utterly ill.


I know heartbreak is hell, I've lived through it 3 times. The worst thing you can do is ring her all night, or send her messages. The reason she is't replying is because she wants you to let her go.

It's called going cold turkey, and I've done that to a guy before not because I was cold but because I did not want to waste his life obsessing when it was fruitless.

It does pass. And sometimes you have to cut people.

Just try the following.

Don't text her, don't call her. Leave her unblocked on MSN, but don't talk to her. Eventually as other things take over your life it will matter less and less. One day the day will come where you won't care if she is not on MSN. It might take 2 years, but it will happen.

It took me 2 years to delete a guy who ditched me off MSN, but I did it eventually, and now I don't give a crap about him or his life at all, and i'm surprised I ever liked him.

To get through this, you must do this. To hold onto a fruitless obsession is not good for you in the long run. It's like a long time disease which takes you over in the end.

Good luck, and take care.



samtoo
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04 Nov 2010, 8:58 am

hale_bopp: Yeah that sounds difficult. I hope it doesn't take me two years as well. *Hug* I hope you are well.
My ex girlfriend finally replied last night, but eh... she doesn't even want to acknowledge talk of the old relationship.
It's a sort of stress relief that she did actually respond for once, because I finally got some attention after all my stressful persistence.


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billsmithglendale
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04 Nov 2010, 1:51 pm

Take the overwhelming hint here from her -- it's over. Leave her alone, stop calling her, your activities are very stalkerish and could land you in hot water. You need to find a new hobby/person to obsess over. I know this is part of our Aspie symptoms, but enough already. Recognize the problem and deal with it.



samtoo
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04 Nov 2010, 10:51 pm

billsmithglendale: Yes I hope that I can leave this situation be and enjoy life again.


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