Dont feel grief over loss of loved ones

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YESSSSS. I've never had someone really close to me die. My grandfathers on both sides passed away before my eyes and I was the only one in the midst of all the family not crying, but little did they know I wasn't even feeling anything. The only time I cried about my grandfather (my dad's dad, who I was a bit closer to) dying was at the last second on the morning of the funeral when we got to walk up to the open casket and say goodbye. After my sis and I went up, all the sudden as I'm walking away out of the room I just completely break down--it was this huge intense (but probably really quick) cry and my Mom was like (ohh honey.. like she understood that it had finally hit me) and my older sis was like "BREATHE" ...still, I don't even know what happened there because I don't recall FEELING sad or loss like most of those few days. But it just hit me then and that was it.
I've tried to figure this out a lot. When my dad's dad was dying in front of me on the hospital bed and everyone around me was crying, I wasn't 13 like when my mom's dad died, I was 19, so was goin crazy in my head like WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! I'd been aware of AS only a year then, so I wasn't thinking of the whole processing emotions and empathy issue. But my family was like "everyone grieves differently" and I'm like "no, this isn't a different type of grieving. why don't i feel anything?" but I realized as I watch this old man dying (and it was unexpected, though he'd been in the hospital), it's almost as if it's all surreal, that's how it feels, it's like too much for me to take in, or absorb right there in front of me, but it doesn't feel overwhelming, it just feels ...stale. like.. it feels like ...maybe it's because with all the people around, my self-awareness is hightened and I feel the pressure to show grief, and that backfires and I freeze.
I know.. I went way off.

Maybe it's because we aspies understand that death isn't the end and NTs dont?

Strong emotions from other people make me uncomfortable, partly because I feel them, like a raw thing.

I've had people die I was close to. It makes me sad, but I don't mourn intensely. I didn't want them to die, but I don't and never have been able to cry much, or even spend a lot of time mourning.

I found out the other day that my stepfather has cancer and needs to have a thumb amputated. I was like, okay, well I hope it hasn't spread. My mother was very upset and it took me several seconds to decide that yes, hugging her is appropriate. And then I spent the next probably 30 minutes describing a couple of my interests to my nephew (who likes such things, so it was okay). I just don't see the point of sustaining an emotional display over something I have no power over.

Also, I know that when my almost adoptive sister (but not quite, stupid bureaucracy) was killed, I thought my father was joking when he told me. It just seemed completely absurd and made no sense. Then my mother came to my bedroom and cried, but I didn't know what I was supposed to do?

Like other people in this thread, I did cry a lot more over my pets. And part of it was, I felt responsible for them, although I don't know if that's why I reacted like I did.

It's good to know my reaction is actually typical.

I wonder - do the vast majority of NTs grieve over every loved one they've lost for the rest of their life? Like they were raped or something?

I was there when my father died, and it hit me by surprise. I felt quite a bit of grief, though I got over it fairly quickly. I think that it is more that we were not very close, than anything else. I think that if we were closer, I would have felt it more.

I think that I mourn less than most people when somebody dies, but I think that is because its really hard for me to get close to people.

When my cat died about a year ago, I was devastated. The grief that i felt was overwhelming. I never really felt right until I got a new cat.

I didn't cry when any of my family members died so far. I did cry when Pete Quaife passed away. It could be that my family didn't try to understand me. I wonder what's going to happen when my parents die. Will those be the other times that I don't cry? Will I be getting high on energy drinks and listening to The Kinks? What if one of them dies on my Birthday in the future. Will that parent be apologizing to me for what they put me through?