Is it always necessary to know you have been labelled AS?

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Personally, I think it's important for a child to understand their condition.

You have to explain it in the right way. I'm sure you're not going to tell your son, "you have a disorder that makes you act stupid," but it's a difficult thing to explain, so it's important that you plan what you say before you say it. You could also have some information handy for him to take away and read - perhaps a book, or a list of internet links. He will probably need some time to absorb the information before he is ready to come back and talk to you about it again, but it's important that he knows he can.

I grew up feeling like I was somehow inferior because I could tell I was different to the other children at school. I have been treated for Depression, and can identify feeling depressed since at least the age of 10.

It's only since I heard about Asperger Syndrome in adulthood that I have come to understand why I am different to other people (not better or worse, just different), and have started to feel comfortable with being myself. The depression has become ingrained over time, so it's not going to just go away overnight, but now I know about Asperger Syndrome, I have started to feel a lot better about things. I used to feel bad because I was a wierdo who had no friends and would never fit in with other people. Now I feel like I am the kind of person who is quite happy without the constant company of other people, and that's just OK. Now that I am comfortable with the way I am, I even have some real friends. (Shock horror!! !! !)

Tally, you have hjust told me the strory of my life. All through school and beyond, I've been asking that question "why? Why me? Whhy am I the one who is always bullied/disliked/ignored/doesn't fit in/is not invited to parties/cinemas/trips out.

I found out about AS proprly about 2 months ago, took one look at the pages I was reading and thought "my God, a lot of this sounds like me!" So much that had been inexplicable at school (the way I and others reacted to each other)just seemed to fit Now I no longer self blame or examine what I did again and again and again trying to work out what I did wrong. If I have Asperger's it is something I could not control, and that is so liberating. Maybe I can finally lay the ghosts of my past to rest.

I would say, talk to your son and find some way to find out if he's having any social difficulties at school. Then decide if he needs to know for his own sake, or if in his case that ignorance is indeed bliss. If he ISN'T feeling that pressure, maybe it is.

However, also be aware that he may find out about it and end up finding he has it. If he feels you've been witholding information about him from him, he may feel hurt and angry.

Julie

I'd have to say that, even though it took me until I was in that College Job Preperation Programme to accept my Label, I feel at ease for the most part, because I know that my AS is just a different way of being and nothing else. I can allow myself to have my Interests, Hobbies and Obsessions without feeling defective. I'm also able th accept the fact that Family Relationships may never come naturally to me. I love my Family and Relatives, very dearly, but I might always get along better, with the Members at my Clubhouse. It's also helped me to deal with the Ghosts of my Past. I was able to get over the negatives the USA Obsession that I've had, when I was Ten, and I went down to the US with my Parents to do some Camping with some Family Friends. I was able to buy myself an American Flag Windsock. I was also able to get past what the colour, Red meant to me, when I did think I was "ret*d" at the age of Eleven and into Russian Communisim. Through the December of 2005, I've given the colour, Red a shiney new light. I've asked myself, what thing, or things I liked that are Red, and I've looked at the lonley Buses that were hidden away in my China Cabinet, from my strictley Canadian Parents, and I've allowed myself to free them, one after another. Red is my favourite Colour, again, since I've given it a new life. The thing that I'm working on now, is accepting the fact that maybe I did have to slow down and live a Drug-free Hippie Lifestyle, for my last three years of High School, and that no ammount councling would have motivated me to get my Life back on track, in time for Graduation. And that I wasn't put into that ASE Job Preperation class, as a Punnishment for letting myself go and being a Hippie. I'm also blessed that I was able to step back to the way that I was, before I was 15, in order to move forward into what is now my Present life. I have my Beatle Hair, again. I choose a different pair of Horn-Rimmed Glasses, every time I get my Eyes examined, in honour of my favrourite Near-sighted British Invasion Performers, because I like that look. I've even gotten to the point, where I show my Mom every Bus that I buy, as my way of saying, "What you see is what you get. Take it, or leave it!" in a positive way.

You know I am just too scared to tell him in case it reinforces the ideas he has already that he is a 'ret*d' as he calls himself.

I have tried like you said - one side of his brain is over developed and the other side is under developed. I talked to him about this after his educational assessment which was very high on visual and spatial and very low on verbal and written skills. And all he said was, 'so I am ret*d'. I backed down and said 'of course not, loads of peoples brains are differently developed, some are good and some things and other good at other things.

However, he is unhappy in himself that he cannot be like everyone else. He often says, 'I wish I could start my life all over again' When asked what he means be this, he can't verbalise it. But I know what he means and my heart breaks for him.

Quaint idea; a child should be denied information?


You could, in so doing, explain how people use means of communication which are invisible to him? How awful!! !

Yes sure; ignorance is bliss...

They have a right to accept the establishment view which, apart from being contrary to their natures, would have us all believe that the views of those who would exploit us are paramount?

By the way, "Enigmatic doobry" is also known as "Edan" and many other names; and he makes a lot more out of his propoganda that most aspies can ever expect!

Worth noting too that I didn't log in tonight, which suggests to me that most of you won't see this post (but if you do, you will make an imediate copie yes? and archive it, on CD or similar? Well no, I didn't think you would, so Edan and his kind will win, and the truth about autism will never be widely known.

By telling him about this diagnosis and gift (I don't always see it as a condition), maybe he'll stop seeing himself as a "ret*d." By allowing himself to see this for the positive sides and recognize those for what they are, he may eventually stop focusing on the negatives. Everyone is different, and no one can know for sure what his reaction will be except for him. But I can tell you that I now appreciate seeing that I think differently, and I embrace that side of myself and use it for all it's worth. Before I even knew I was an Aspie, I knew I was smart - by not thinking that I was a ret*d, I allowed myself to achieve success in things that I'm good at. I could've instead focused on those things that I was poor in, and set myself up to fail.

Maybe telling him he has this will open his eyes up to all the positive things it means for him. To that end, the one thing I would suggest is focusing on the positives as much as possible - and how those set him apart from most other people. This may not help so much in his struggle through highschool since everyone tries to blend in, but it will help as he grows older. For instance, being different from industry counterparts has allowed me to charge a pretty penny in consulting fees.

If you're still not sure to tell him or not - one question - Would not telling him make things any better? It could get worse if you told him, yes, but it could get worse either way.

Just out of curiosty what is your 'plural' definition of Asperger's? I don't mean the text book definition but what does it mean in real terms?

Maybe it might help me explain it to my son as I am not sure exactly how to explain it to him and I do not want to explain it as defined by the diagnosis lists I have read.

Yes, and I've already stated my reasons for this. AS is only a useful as a diagnosis if it can help a person come to a better understanding of themself, and use that knowledge to help themselves. If knowing of AS won't help them, then it's pointless to bring it up.



You can show a person how to deal with non-verbal communication without telling a person about AS anyway. It's called parenting - you identify your kid's needs and support them in meeting them. I'm not sure how that's supposed to be awful.



Ignorance of what? Of an arbitrary label that means nothing, and is ultimately pointless when not used to help people? There is a difference between using AS as a label for the sake of labelling and segregating, and using it to benefit people.



I find this response to be ironic. I was under the impression that rampant labelling of kids with psychiatric diagnoses came under the 'establishment view'.



I have no idea what you're talking about in the second part of your post, but you seem to be mistaking me for someone else.

Good question - I haven't spent time thinking of an actual definition - so if anyone can think of anything better, please add. Also - please recognize that I am not yet formally diagnosed and still pretty new to all of this stuff, but here goes:

I would define Asperger's as a different style of thinking and communicating. Yes, it can have some Autistic tendencies, which may give a negative connotation, but I think that some of those tendencies can be very useful when steered in the right direction.

The style of thinking, for me at least, is logical - any problem or question that I have, I attempt to attack it in a logical manner - you'd be surprised at how many people don't do this, but it comes naturally to me and to many of us. A lot of us can see things visually almost immediately that most people need to really focus on in order to get. And many Aspies have amazing trouble-shooting ability as well, since we can see things from different perspectives.

As far as communicating, I think this is a harder one to describe. But when I communicate, I am almost always extremely honest. People may not like what I have to say, but if I feel the need to say it, I will be direct and honest about it. I think a lot of Aspies are this way too. This may be a detriment in this society since my honesty has gotten me into some trouble over the years - but to this day, I stand by every decision I made that may have ended badly for me. One thing that I don't do - and this may be a personality characteristic more than an Aspie characteristic, I don't really know - but I don't put my own needs or desires above what I think is right. I have a tremendous amount of integrity, and that means everything to me. This may sound boastful, but it is true. Other Aspies - is this something similar among us?

This honesty, I think, then leads most of us to want to talk to people (or things) that can be honest back to us. I also enjoy being around more rational people than the irrational type. It isn't so much that I'm anti-social, it's that I seek people out that I can understand and can understand me.

The logical thought process and this honest way of communicating are probably the best way that I can describe what it means to me to be Aspie. I deal with the sensitivity to light by wearing hats, and the sensitivity to sound by using headphones, I've learned to stim in ways that aren't terribly distracting to everyone else - and I often can turn that stimming energy into something great (for instance, I draw in meetings instead of shake my leg - some of my conference room drawings are among my best.) So - yes there are downfalls to this "syndrome," but if you can get past those, there are some amazing things that come from having it.

Why does everyone think there's a certain age where you need to explain AS to your kids? I'd think it's obvious that parents should treat it the same way they treat the topic of sex, which is to discuss it only in the most general terms with your young children and then provide more specific information as they mature. If you don't discuss it with them then they will hear all sorts of terrible falsehoods from other people and come to their own conclusions. It's not as if you can make it go away by staying silent.

If you think you're waiting for the right moment to explain it all at once then that moment may never come. It will always be "too soon" until one day it's "too late".