Do you find yourself thinking your way out of things?

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Bunneth
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25 Nov 2010, 7:29 am

As in, you get invited to go somewhere and at the time you're really excited about it and genuinely want to go. then, the closer it gets the more anxious you get until you start looking for excuses to get out of it and eventually just don't go. Then wonder why you got so stressed out about it and kind of wish you had gone.

I do this a lot, I think because I just build it up into such a big deal in my head and also because it's a break from the routine (always stressful).



b9
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25 Nov 2010, 7:36 am

Quote:
Do you find yourself thinking your way out of things


i have tried thinking my way out of many thinks but it does not work.
the other day i tried thinking my way out my front door and i now have a lump on my forehead.



Bunneth
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25 Nov 2010, 7:38 am

b9 wrote:
Quote:
Do you find yourself thinking your way out of things


i have tried thinking my way out of many thinks but it does not work.
the other day i tried thinking my way out my front door and i now have a lump on my forehead.


*comedy trombone*



billybud21
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25 Nov 2010, 8:22 am

All the time. I have this knee jerk reaction to say yes, so I will say that I will go, but then I always look for ways out after just a little while. I dislike doing it very much, but I am not sure why I am prone to it.


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lyricalillusions
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25 Nov 2010, 8:30 am

Yes, definitely.


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Skinnyboy
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25 Nov 2010, 8:35 am

Nah, I usually have an immediate negative reaction to plans of most sorts. If it's something I won't like doing, I just forget about it until soon before it happens then suffer through it. If it's something I think I'll like, I get used to the idea after a while and it works out better. My first reaction is always not to do something.



Philologos
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25 Nov 2010, 9:18 am

except for winding up wishing I had done it [which rarely if ever happens] this is a familiar pattern. But I do tend to reject outright more often.



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25 Nov 2010, 9:46 am

Again, reason can help you.

We like control and it means we like certainty.

When we have to go to the unexpected we tend to draw premature conclusions in our minds. Then the worst outcome shows as a possibility and collides with the rest of possible outcomes we imagine. In the case of our cognitive judgment, very small bad experiences have a very strong influence among nominal and happy ones: we decide to take the lesser risk and we don't go as the unexpected come close, we don't want to be disappointed

The moral of the story is that we prefer to trade a certain disappointment against uncertainty. That is very irrational given that the uncertainty outcome can be good or disappointing. We prefer to loose instead of giving a chance. Remedy: have a check of your perception of certainty


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Georgia
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25 Nov 2010, 9:47 am

Yes, I try to all of the time. If my husband weren't around to hear me muttering excuses to myself, I'd never leave the house. This is only regarding things that are actually good risks for me to take.

As I've aged, it's getting easier to just say no right away if there is something that I'm being invited/asked to do that sounds too overwhelming. I'm still learning that true friends don't necessarily ask you favors all the time.


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b9
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25 Nov 2010, 10:08 am

Bunneth wrote:
b9 wrote:
Quote:
Do you find yourself thinking your way out of things


i have tried thinking my way out of many thinks but it does not work.
the other day i tried thinking my way out my front door and i now have a lump on my forehead.


*comedy trombone*

is that good or bad?
i have no verified idea what you mean.
i imagine that sound that they play to weak jokes on dumb comedy shows.
like http://www.sadtrombone.com/

if so, i could not care less.
it is good that there is an NT song that plays the melody of my misguided reply.



alexptrans
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25 Nov 2010, 10:15 am

b9 wrote:
is that good or bad?
i have no verified idea what you mean.
i imagine that sound that they play to weak jokes on dumb comedy shows.
like http://www.sadtrombone.com/

if so, i could not care less.
it is good that there is an NT song that plays the melody of my misguided reply.


I think, but I'm not sure, that the poster meant to tease you in a friendly way, which was perhaps inspired by this thread:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt82351.html



b9
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25 Nov 2010, 10:24 am

alexptrans wrote:
b9 wrote:
is that good or bad?
i have no verified idea what you mean.
i imagine that sound that they play to weak jokes on dumb comedy shows.
like http://www.sadtrombone.com/

if so, i could not care less.
it is good that there is an NT song that plays the melody of my misguided reply.


I think, but I'm not sure, that the poster meant to tease you in a friendly way, which was perhaps inspired by this thread:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt82351.html

maybe. i do not really care.
thank you for trying to ameliorate what seemed like a quandary i had due to my inability to "dance" with the bunneth character.

i am automatically oppositional and it is my problem (i was told) but i do not see it as a problem because i like to go to sleep and not take any notice even though i respond in my standby mind.
nice you.



toastytoast
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25 Nov 2010, 11:45 am

yes, i can talk myself out of anything.

with social activities, i'll often initially agree to go and i'll be excited about getting out there and doing something, and then the closer it gets to the day of the event, the more i freak out. i'm usually very stressed out on the actual day. sometimes i cancel, sometimes not. if i go i usually end up having a good time. the only exception to that--and i guess this is obvious--is if i've agreed to do something that doesn't interest me. for example, a few weeks ago i agreed to go to a going away happy hour for a coworker that i like very much (i almost canceled but decided not to). i don't drink so i felt out of place anyway, and the more tipsy my coworkers got the more left out i felt--i just couldn't relate to the stupid stuff they were talking and laughing about. it was awful and i ended up bailing early. then again, last weekend i went to a bonfire/cookout with my girlfriend's coworkers that was a lot of fun. i was absolutely drained by the time i got home but it was worth going, and it was more my scene than going out to watch other people drink. :? i almost didn't go because i was very nervous beforehand--it was a combination of excitement and apprehension--but i calmed down after i arrived and i didn't want to leave midway through or anything. for me, that's a sign of success.

if it's something like a doctor's appointment or dentist appointment i'll often cancel or reschedule. i'll put errands off until the last possible day/hour/minute because i don't like feeling obligated. regarding making future plans: how am i supposed to know if i'll feel like doing whatever it is i agreed to when the time comes? this is the problem with plans that deviate from my normal schedule.

i'm trying to be more self-aware so that i know what my limitations on socializing are (e.g., bar=bad; cookout=not bad) and can respond accordingly at the time i'm invited, instead of agreeing to do something that's not fun for me, and having to cancel at the last minute.



Moog
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25 Nov 2010, 11:58 am

Most humans are very good at justification, even justifying really mad things.

Super Apsie wrote;

Quote:
In the case of our cognitive judgment, very small bad experiences have a very strong influence among nominal and happy ones: we decide to take the lesser risk and we don't go as the unexpected come close, we don't want to be disappointed The moral of the story is that we prefer to trade a certain disappointment against uncertainty. That is very irrational given that the uncertainty outcome can be good or disappointing. We prefer to loose instead of giving a chance.


And I think that's worth thinking about.


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b9
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25 Nov 2010, 12:05 pm

it is supposed to be difficult to think ones way out of a writers block.
if i lived in a block full of writers, then i would definitely think my way out of it with haste because i do not understand why people write what they think.

i understand why i write what i think, but i can not see why others write what they think.
their thoughts are not what i thought, so i think people are wasting their time by writing what i did not think.

i can see my clock on the wall and it is the boss. a simple $12 clock is more influential to me than anyone on this forum so good evening.