Who REALLY deserves more pity?

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I noticed that on a lot of talk shows or popular magazines there are often many "sob stories" (no offense but most seem to be from women) of people who have all sorts of problems. These are things like "so and so cheated on me", "I was beaten", "I was raped", "my kid has cancer", "we almost lost our home", etc. Yet when you think about it, these are people who got involved in love lives and created families in the first place (which I will always beleive a lot of is through CHOICE). So my question is this: who truly deserves more pity? A person who has a problem as a result of having a sex life or a socially-challenged individual who has no sex life (and may or may not have other problems)? It always seems to me that this world caters to couples/families while loners like me often get overlooked. I don't know if it's because NTs think we're capable of anything on our own or they are afraid of us or think we're weird but pity and aid seem skewed to the more socially adept. Now I have many reason for being a loner but I AM lonely and get jealous of others that have social and sex lives. And yes pity sex or whatever would be awkward but I just wish people would look to the painful plight of the lonely for once. Am I wrong to think like this?

No ... but I think most other people like to conveniently believe that kind of plight is far less tragic and far easier to overcome than cancer ... and I suspect they do that at least partly to keep from having to get personally involved.

All people suffer. Let's try and help each other reduce it. A question like this seems to me to come from a desire for someone to say 'yes you are better than those other people because you didn't do anything wrong, and yet you suffer'. If you want sympathy and understanding, then I recommend the haven. If you want useful action, then take it; learn what that entails and then use it. Nothing else is of any value.

I don't think anyone 'deserves' pity, I think they should to be given the directions and resources they need to improve their lot.

loneliness is easier to get over than cancer, abuse, rape, etc...



OP, why do you think you deserve pity when you seem to have no empathy for other people's struggles? calling those horrifying situations "sob stories" makes it seem like you are asking people to care about you when you think they are not even worthy of your concern.

You're not at all wrong to think like this when the big bad world out there in our society holds clear dangers for those who are loners, and without relationships long term. Dangers which won't affect those who've had problems because of their sex lives, but been lucky enough to be able to develop sex lives in the first place.

How are things like getting raped and beaten through CHOICE?

Why must it be a contest? What's the point? "I DESERVE MORE PITY THAN YOU, HAHA!"

I mean really...

Let them have their pity party if it makes them feel better - although it seem to only make them more bitter.

But I'm glad that you and other several guys here want respect instead of pity and are willing to earn it too

You can stop there: it is not about the feelings the pity or whatever: it is about selling advertisements, so everything is tuned and measured to keep the audience attention between the commercials

Rubbish. Even the best being offered by most folks right here in this thread amounts to nothing beyond "Get over it!"


I believe that is a gross misunderstanding of a simple cry coming from a lonely person.

I think I need popcorn for this.
I fail to see how the fact these people "have a sex life" makes it any less awful dealing with cancer, rape and losing their house.

You have a warped opinion because you feel sorry for yourself that you aren't getting laid. And to be honest, some guy not getting laid is hardly a problem compared to rapes, beatings and cancer.

ummm, how much rape or abuse have you suffered? would you choose to be repeatedly anally raped instead of being lonely? how about beaten to a pulp by someone who claims to love you?

if you honestly think that those things are easier to deal with than loneliness, then perhaps you could use some education in how those things actually affect people's lives.

lonely or not, the OP seems to have absolutely no understanding of the devastation other people can experience due to these things. i am sickened by his dismissal of the horrors that victims can experience.

QFT.

I sort of understand where the OP is coming from. These issues (rape,divorce,abuse,etc.) get more attention because the general public relates much better to them than not being able to establish a social life to begin with.

First of all, in my opinion, pity isn't worth much. It is uncomfortably close to contempt, a feeling that some other, poor lowly little worm doesn't have it as well as you do. If I am suffering, I would prefer sympathy and - from those who are able to offer it - whatever real help may be possible.

As for the rest, loneliness is a form of suffering, and I have some sympathy for most of those who suffer (I do make a few exceptions - I don't bother weeping over Hitler's miserable last days cowering in his bunker; I figure he brought that all down on his own head). However, I don't think we can really compare one form of suffering with another. Rape, beatings, cancer, loneliness - every one of those things is a little different for each person who goes through them. Unless you've experienced all of them, you can't really be sure which you'd find the most awful. I've been beaten and been lonely, but that's all. But I haven't been beaten as badly as many other people have, so my experience of that isn't as bad as theirs. Trying to compare suffering gets pointless, fast.

As far as saying that these things are someone's choice, I think some are and some aren't. Rape certainly isn't anything women (or men who are raped) choose. Beatings aren't usually either, unless you go out looking for tough guys to insult because you like getting into fights. Most people don't choose cancer, although I have known people who have said they'd rather risk cancer than stop smoking. As for being cheated on, it depends. I've know people who did tend to choose partners who were likely to cheat on them, and others who got hurt despite doing their best to avoid picking a jerk. Losing your house? Same thing. Some people get in trouble because they make stupid decisions, while others really do their best and nothing goes right for them.

To sum up, what I'm really trying to say is that you are both oversimplifying the whole problem of suffering, and blaming people who in many cases don't deserve to be blamed. Loneliness can be at least in part the result of choices that person has made, as much as anything else. Are people always lonely because they made bad choices and brought it on themselves? Of course not. Again, it is complicated. I neither think it is possible, nor would I want, to judge which suffering person was more "deserving". You do your best to be kind to and help those around you. And the last thing you should ever do is pick on the victims.

As far as your desire for a sex life, I understand it is difficult to see others succeed where you haven't. In one particular case, I'd even agree with you - it is an outrage that the kind of guy who goes around beating up women has any sex life at all, while any other guys at all don't. Double ditto for the rapists. They deserve the sex they steal far less than any guy who isn't willing to become a rapist. But their victims can't help that. Once a woman falls into the hands of a guy who beats her, she is often - I'd even say nearly always - too terrified to refuse him. How is that her fault? If you resent those guys for getting what you aren't, when they so clearly don't deserve it, I heartily agree with you. But please, don't shift the blame onto their victims.

i don't think that is the reason why these issues get more attention... i think these issues get more attention becuase they are truly horrific and in some cases even life-threatening (except for divorce).