Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

jammie
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 490
Location: UK

16 Jun 2006, 8:20 am

okay this is going to be long. make very littel sense but it has to go somewhere and i think here will be best.

What is home?

Why have a home, its a silly thing to have. why keep yourself in one place why limit what you can do. but at the same time i long for one.

I spent 19 (woo prime) days in total with a freind of mines family. I have only been back here for one day and i am allredy missing them, i am missing them more than i did the foster family with which i spent 21 months.

I a missing my freind so much it is unbelievable. For the first time in a long time (prehaps ever) i was able to be myself and react ina way which i felt natural, i did not have to act so much. if i wished to go curl up in the corner i could. It was fine for me to sit on the edge and whach and it was fine for me to do my little things and i was even supported in doing some of them.

this is all ican think to type right now, i cannot find the words to describe how i am feeling.

stupid language

jammie


_________________
<?php

$lion = "constant";
$lil_lion = "escape";
$baby = "dum dum, babo";
$jammie = $lion."sheepy and my comforts";


$jamie = $lion.$lil_lion.$baby.$jammie;
?>


flea
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 27 Apr 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 119
Location: connecticut

16 Jun 2006, 10:00 am

*hug*



Sundy
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: South Texas

16 Jun 2006, 10:18 am

Oh Jammie, I'm sorry you're so sad right now. You're home here with us and we're your friends too.



jaguars_fan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Apr 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 342

16 Jun 2006, 12:30 pm

I'm very sorry about what you are going through. I will keep you in my prayers.



Rhisiart_Steffan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,223
Location: Poole,Dorset

16 Jun 2006, 2:23 pm

Ok! I hope you feel happier soon!


_________________
Meds are fun!! !! !! !! !! !! !

Pharmacy Techican is not the pharmacist


jammie
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 490
Location: UK

19 Jun 2006, 6:59 am

sitting,

looking, shaking cuddling.

whatching, listening. standaing

sleeping snuggling, breathing

lion, aslan, snuggy, dum dum, babo, bib , sheep, splat

shrek, lion hoddie, gloves, hat

speeck stopped working, frustration.

scream shout no sound come out
screaming inside. destryed inside.
this space inside me,
consumes me,

laden with all the world,
and then told thursday morning she goes to meet with them.

mid july my life moves on,
nothing solid nothing right

cooking in hinsight, i cannot hold the act
losing my speeck losing my thoughts, my world my world.
lion to hold, him on my back under my table, in my den

touching nothing can hurt me,
sounds arounds drown them out
overloading in the night, sitting sounds seeming
me screaming

inside the sounds resenate, the fabric scream at me,
light burns sounds drum sound destroy, lion is safe

rooling moving, trying to stay in control, losing my self

hiding throwing believeing seeing with my feelings nothing to see.

death as a ripple damage all thouse who knew me,

that me is no longer part of this world, will one day vaniish it has all ready. moving throught from day to day minite to miite noticing the change or everyway, following through in every way

light stand and burn my skull. incongrimito.

sounds for all sounds worht smashing through my skull,

music headphone loud. night swimming time and time again drown out all else. focus on the piano, head it move thought my sense feel it agaist my body.

words when spoken fail to form, they swirl around. i scare. as i sound i frustrated with the meaning slipping away from me,

throwing agaist the wall, no pain no suffuroing at all,
throwing in spite of the world, my world, nothing

understand me now.
understand me now
understand me now

through athe pain i will feel myself dissolve.

death is a choice all must one day make.

Martin. Tim, Alan you knwo who you atre you keep me here

but i must apologise one day.
one day it will come out of the dust the screams of all my soul ignighting world, fire, flame axe.

for all the world revolves lion stays the same one constant in the endless days

scream for now i scream in all but sound. crying inside for outside i see only a mask, who am i?


what if i am not who i am what if this is another shell.?

3 days spent, nver to reload bullets through time of days in the loading of my life i see them

shocking me throwing me,

the wall inpacts my bones.

bone no on owns, though skin and flesh i tear with teeth

what is it worth? why should i keep it safe and then i let down all who try to protect me,

all in silence.


_________________
<?php

$lion = "constant";
$lil_lion = "escape";
$baby = "dum dum, babo";
$jammie = $lion."sheepy and my comforts";


$jamie = $lion.$lil_lion.$baby.$jammie;
?>


TigerFire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,904
Location: Cave Spring GA USA

19 Jun 2006, 8:16 am

I'm sorry that things aren't working out for you Jammie. You know you can always call me your friend. I hope things will get better for you.


_________________
Beauty is in the eye of beholder but to a theif beauty is money.


jammie
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 490
Location: UK

19 Jun 2006, 3:18 pm

more time more music.

repeat to the time of my typing,

i know the lyrics i know what will come, i know when and how it will come

not allowing myself to think about what may happen next my mask is sliding.

I hope he rings back, but the phone is in use.

I found out about the ABS plastic lego is made from, and i need to get myself a rubix cube. I will find the lower bound solution.

Do i continue to care what others think? what do i say to people to explain why i am no longer noraml?

i have a lump of quartze on my desk i am going to look at its millions of years now.


_________________
<?php

$lion = "constant";
$lil_lion = "escape";
$baby = "dum dum, babo";
$jammie = $lion."sheepy and my comforts";


$jamie = $lion.$lil_lion.$baby.$jammie;
?>