Women are the worst when you have aspergers
13 Dec 2010, 2:45 am
I used to do modeling work when I was younger. When people first meet me, many times they reference in some way that I am good looking, cute, or whatever.
I'm in my 30's now and the job I do I run into many attractive women. Initially I do very well at getting phone numbers and getting a woman to go out with me. But once they do, what starts out as attraction on their part quickly turns to repulsion.
It is sad, because I actually get on really well with some of these women, and I know they are attracted to me. So what is the problem you may ask? Well, I'm not on facebook, I don't have 500 fake friends, and I don't lke to go to bars every night of the week.
Apparently, being attractive and getting on well with a woman isn't enough for them. No, they base SO MUCH about you based on your "social status" and "how cool" you are to be seen with in front of their oh-so-hip friends.
It is the worst feeling in the world to see a beautiful woman so attracted to you, and to watch that attraction go down...slowly at first, then faster...Faster...FASTER until it spirals into a freefall. It has happened to me more times than I can count.
It is sad, and pathetic. I am a nice looking guy, very kind and generous, and am able to communicate with these girls. But because of my aspie traits, I am alone, and worthless in their eyes.
It's a crime. To me, it's a crime what is happening to me. I know it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I am, but...noone else seems to feel sorry for me.
I am starting to realize that I will never find a good woman, because a good woman doesn't exist. They ALL think the same. There is NO INDIVIDUALITY amongst them. They are all linked, like the Borg on Star Trek. Women are "the collective" and I am now coming to that sad realization.
If 1 woman loves you, they all love you. If one woman thinks you aren't mate material, THEY ALL think you aren't mate material. They go by what THE PACK thinks, women don't have brains of their own from my experience.
I guess that's where the old aspie joke really rings true. "What's the difference between the aspie male and the aspie female? ANSWER: The aspie female is married."
I'll die sad, and alone.
13 Dec 2010, 2:54 am
I know you are upset but you are generalising.
What about AS girls?
Anyway, I would expect to find women that conceited in the model profession.
Anyway, I would never treat a AS guy like that. I would like to talk to him about science or something that we have in common.
I don't care what is hip or in. I completely ignore what goes on in the popular world.
_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/
13 Dec 2010, 2:56 am
i feel for you...and I dislike hearing this from someone who is older since I worry about this being the case when I am older. I have found that 80-90% of women follow the trends of today and since being a male aspie does not fit into any trend in this era and when we come in contact with the large majority of women, and we do not fit into their trend so they will reject us (Though they could be polite/pretend to get along until you try and change things). I still believe there are those who are not the trend followers, though rare...I wonder if that means we must only find aspie women. I do not know, but I am certain there are those out there not simply following a carrot on a stick. If you are still in modeling, or any other similar field then they will be extra shallow/trend followers....so maybe consider career change if that is the case or try to find new places to meet women instead of at work though it does seem the most common/likely place to find women.
Also..I don't know about you but I find myself projecting this dislike onto myself that others simply mirror. Nothing I do intentionally...but I see it presenting itself at times, also sometimes I mistake peoples intentions whether in the beginning or later in relationships. Something to look out for anyways.
Keep your club on the ice.
_________________
“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.”
― George Washington
13 Dec 2010, 3:02 am
Aspie females are no better than NT females. An attractive aspie female ALSO wanst the "hip cool guy" just like the NT female does. It doesnt matter that the female is aspie. If she's attractive, she can have any man she wants.
Men on the other hand...not the same. An attractive aspie male is screwed, no matter what he looks like. A woman would date a dog if she thought that it would improve her social standing, and happily ignore the handsome aspie male who would "cramp her style".
13 Dec 2010, 3:05 am
Also..I don't know about you but I find myself projecting this dislike onto myself that others simply mirror. Nothing I do intentionally...but I see it presenting itself at times, also sometimes I mistake peoples intentions whether in the beginning or later in relationships. Something to look out for anyways.
Keep your club on the ice.
Nah I'm not in modeling anymore, that was when I was younger. I only brought it up to show that it makes no difference to women whether you are handsome, ugly or whatever. If you're an aspie, they will reject you 100% of the time.
Where exactly do I find these aspie women? Is there an aspie woman warehouse somewhere? lol
13 Dec 2010, 3:08 am
What about AS girls?
Anyway, I would expect to find women that conceited in the model profession.
Anyway, I would never treat a AS guy like that. I would like to talk to him about science or something that we have in common.
I don't care what is hip or in. I completely ignore what goes on in the popular world.
I'm talking about everyday women. I'm not in modeling anymore. And this is not a shot at you or anything, but I often read replies like this "Well I'm not like that at all" etc. yet in the real world I don't see women who act as you claim to.
13 Dec 2010, 3:10 am
I can only hope that this pain will end for you.
I gave up on love years ago, said stuff it
and moved with my brother, who also said
stuff love.
I am hoping that any wish to have a girlfrend
will keep fading and fading with time, as it
seems to be, I think I am happier the way
I am now.
I can play with my toys after work and
not have these society strings pulling
at me to "do this-do that" with whoever
because I am not connected to silly people
who I foolishly let the wrong way into my life.
No silly racketball with Bob and Joe,
no boring news with Barb and Carole,
no fighting with "her" because whatever
nerve problem I have makes me have
a tantrum because a circuit shorted out,
and then all these talks of whats on
the news, who is kissing who, whose
kids are doing what, yonnnnnn! Sorry
fell asleep. Let Them sort it all out,
not me. I Flunked that class, no need
to graduate to something else I will
totally Bomb.
Just me, brother, and kittypuss.
I seem to be better at what bug I
caught outside today, what invention
I cooked up and did not blow the house up,
what maze of wires in my room goes to what,
what my kittypuss did today, what adventures
I saw on Rugrats today, etc.
_________________
A Boy And His Cat
When society stops expecting
too much from me, I will
stop disappointing them.
13 Dec 2010, 3:32 am
You cannot find a good woman because you are looking in a social circle of shallow women who like the trend scene. They really only comprise a small percentage of women in the world.
.
I'm not married, nor does it seem that the majority of women on here are. In fact, it seems to me that more men with AS are married....or at least more NT women seem to think their husbands have AS, than NT men seem to think their wives have it.
13 Dec 2010, 3:32 am
i have the exact same problem, except it's with guys (i'm a girl), they are initially drawn to my good looks, nice personality, and sharp wits until they find out i'm socially awkward and don't have many friends. then they run for the hills.
i would suggest dating a girl who is obviously very different or at least extremely open minded. for example, goth/alternative chicks tend to be very accepting and appreciative of quirks in others. and of course there's nerdy/geeky chicks. super models/ mainstream beauties are known for being shallow gold diggers/social climbers.
13 Dec 2010, 4:14 am
What about AS girls?
Anyway, I would expect to find women that conceited in the model profession.
Anyway, I would never treat a AS guy like that. I would like to talk to him about science or something that we have in common.
I don't care what is hip or in. I completely ignore what goes on in the popular world.
I'm talking about everyday women. I'm not in modeling anymore. And this is not a shot at you or anything, but I often read replies like this "Well I'm not like that at all" etc. yet in the real world I don't see women who act as you claim to.
It's easy to put everyone into a group because everyone can be so alike. Put some people you can't put into a group.
And the way I'm different is I don't communicate properly. I'm oblivious to the social scene. I don't even feel like an adult. I am a child when I'm around other people.
I don't care for dating or even friendship at times.
_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/
13 Dec 2010, 4:25 am
Aspie females are no better than NT females. An attractive aspie female ALSO wanst the "hip cool guy"
Really? As a woman with AS, this is news to me. Especially since my sister declared the other day when we passed a pack of gelled up "hip cool guys", that most men who spike their hair with hair gel are very likely "d*uches"...her words, and I happened to agree.
Not that any of them are remotely interested in me, but I'd like to date someone who is deeper than a puddle and shares at least some of my likes and interests, and chances are, if he spikes his hair with hair gel, wears designer shirts, $300 designer jeans, can't stand cat hair on his precious clothing, and likes to go clubbing, then I'd turn him down anyway.
This is not true either. An attractive woman can get a lot of men to have sex with her, but when most women talk about getting a man, they don't mean for sex, they mean for a relationship with a high degree of commitment, and to this extent, even very attractive women with AS have difficulties. Nor is it true that even for sex, an attractive women with AS could get any man she wants. I know a good number of NT men who have declared amongst their friends that they would turn down a good looking woman for sex, and here are the reasons they gave, in no particular order.
1. They don't know her, so they don't trust her.
2. They think she's a slut.
3. They're in a committed relationship.
4. They're not attracted to her because....
a) She wears high heels.
b) She thinks she's "all that"
c) She wears too much makeup.
d) She's weird.
5. They just can't stand her.
6. They think she's clingy.
You are right in that looks aren't everything, however, most women are not so concerned with style as those in the trend circles. Most women are more concerned with creepiness, or the guy just not being on the same page as they are, and yes, that is where men with AS struggle, just the same as women with AS.
13 Dec 2010, 4:42 am
I have kittyfuzz on everything.
I wear Pooh and Tigger overalls that within
a few hours after taking them out of the
dryer, get kittifuzz all over them because
I am always kissing and muffing my FuzzMo.
_________________
A Boy And His Cat
When society stops expecting
too much from me, I will
stop disappointing them.
13 Dec 2010, 5:21 am
I think you are way too hung up on getting an "attractive woman" and also assuming that the woman should like you because you are also attractive. A person does not have to be the kind of person seen as classically beautiful to be attractive or a desirable mate.
Apparently, being attractive and getting on well with a woman isn't enough for them. No, they base SO MUCH about you based on your "social status" and "how cool" you are to be seen with in front of their oh-so-hip friends.
Two bones to pick here. One, if you are only approaching "beautiful" women who have 500 fake friends, base everything on social status, and go to bars every night of the week (or any... why look for a serious relationship at a bar?), this is the first problem. Frankly, a lot of people who start out young being more attractive or outgoing than their peers and attracting a lot of attention from the opposite sex put an inordinate amount of weight on this attention, and the social circles that support it. If their self worth is wrapped up in how attractive other people think you are, then I guess they feel the need to get constant reassurance of that from all the shallow social interaction.
Second, why should "being attractive and getting on well with a woman" be enough for anybody? I certainly don't base my interest in men solely on these characteristics. In fact, I am often not attracted to the men that other women constantly swoon over as supposedly being good looking. And just because I do acknowledge a guy is good looking doesn't mean I'm interested in him personally. There are a lot of more important traits.
Good woman does not necessarily equal beautiful woman. If you are looking for a "good" woman then why are you so hung up on how beautiful she is supposed to be? Yes, a lot of women act like this, and lot of guys who want an attractive woman don't care because they only want her for her looks. If you want somebody with an actual personality, get to know somebody who isn't out flaunting her looks all the time in eye-catching clothes with her girlfriends, and her attraction will be revealed if she is in fact a "good woman". I don't want to generalize your perspective as being that of most guys, but from my (female) perspective, if you love someone they become more attractive until they seem more attractive than anybody else, even if you didn't initially think that when you met them. And your obsession with looks is definitely a turn-off for a woman. Even a beautiful woman (if she has the individuality and goodness you are looking for) does not want to be valued for her looks about all else, she wants to be valued for who she is as a person (who as a result, is irresistibly attractive to you).
13 Dec 2010, 6:07 am
Apparently, being attractive and getting on well with a woman isn't enough for them. No, they base SO MUCH about you based on your "social status" and "how cool" you are to be seen with in front of their oh-so-hip friends.
Two bones to pick here. One, if you are only approaching "beautiful" women who have 500 fake friends, base everything on social status, and go to bars every night of the week (or any... why look for a serious relationship at a bar?), this is the first problem. Frankly, a lot of people who start out young being more attractive or outgoing than their peers and attracting a lot of attention from the opposite sex put an inordinate amount of weight on this attention, and the social circles that support it. If their self worth is wrapped up in how attractive other people think you are, then I guess they feel the need to get constant reassurance of that from all the shallow social interaction.
Second, why should "being attractive and getting on well with a woman" be enough for anybody? I certainly don't base my interest in men solely on these characteristics. In fact, I am often not attracted to the men that other women constantly swoon over as supposedly being good looking. And just because I do acknowledge a guy is good looking doesn't mean I'm interested in him personally. There are a lot of more important traits.
Good woman does not necessarily equal beautiful woman. If you are looking for a "good" woman then why are you so hung up on how beautiful she is supposed to be? Yes, a lot of women act like this, and lot of guys who want an attractive woman don't care because they only want her for her looks. If you want somebody with an actual personality, get to know somebody who isn't out flaunting her looks all the time in eye-catching clothes with her girlfriends, and her attraction will be revealed if she is in fact a "good woman". I don't want to generalize your perspective as being that of most guys, but from my (female) perspective, if you love someone they become more attractive until they seem more attractive than anybody else, even if you didn't initially think that when you met them. And your obsession with looks is definitely a turn-off for a woman. Even a beautiful woman (if she has the individuality and goodness you are looking for) does not want to be valued for her looks about all else, she wants to be valued for who she is as a person (who as a result, is irresistibly attractive to you).
I dont need a supermodel, just someone I find relatively attractive. I'm not going after women who go to bars and have 500 friends on facebook, but unfortunately that is the MAJORITY of women these days. Yes, it is sad, but we have toface reality. This is what women are about nowadays. Twitter, facebook, and how much social value and how cool a guy is.
And how exactly am I "obsessed" with my looks? No offense but that sounds like a typical NT talking. Someone who just "doesnt get it" when I speak. I am not obsessed with looks I only brought it up to demonstrate that physical attractiveness doesnt matter when you have AS.
Just forget it. Trying to explain things is very difficult, because people like you misconstrue what the whole point is of what I'm saying, and twist what I say in to what YOU think I meant when I said it. When in reality you have no clue.
Somehow you turned what I said into me being in love with my self, and only going after women who are supermodels. Wow, talk about reading into something that was never there. Is this the NT disorder forum? Feels like it.
I dont want a supermodel. I only want what I see on the street all the time: An attractive woman who has a good heart with a guy like me. But when you have AS thats too much to ask for. You say I am aiming too high, what am I supposed to do? Go out with a woman I dont find physically attractive? it doesnt work that way, that defeats the purpose of an intimate relationship. AGAIN they dont have to be supermodels, but there has to be a level of physical attraction.
I do have one question, how do these women know about "my obsession with looks" and how exactly does it turn them off? Apparently people like you think I discuss my looks when on a date with these women. You dont seem to understand that what I post on a forum is not what I discuss when I'm on a date with a woman.
I'm sorry, but your advice and your analysis of me is dead wrong. Its not up for debate. I'm telling you flat out YOU ARE WRONG. You made an assumption about me, and you are WAY off the mark.
You did not understand what I posted, or what I am about. You dont know me at all and you judged me based on a sentence where I talked about physical attractiveness. From that you deduced that I am an arrogant smug person. Wow, just wow. I cant stand people. I'm sorry but you just "dont get it". Its like trying to explain things to an NT. No offense.
Last edited by johnnydangerous on 13 Dec 2010, 6:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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