Money Problems
My financial situation has gotten so bad that now my boyfriend has to do all my bill-paying and the like for me. I felt awkward when I had to ask him to do it, but he didn't mind. I don't feel so grown up now. He says it's okay though. I spend all the time otherwise.
Is anyone else in this kind of situation?
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,875
Location: the island of defective toy santas
it seems this world is divided into two mutually incomprehending camps- those who easily attract money versus those who repel money despite their every best intention and clumsy attempt to attract money. my great question is why there is no common ground between these two camps?
to the OP, the only way to be able to accumulate money, is to have one's living expenses lower than one's cash outflow. this is very hard to do unless one has a desirable skill set, IOW you must have skills or talents that somebody else is willing to pay you for, in exchange for your time. if you don't have such, then the only option [aside from favors/inheritances from rich relations or windfalls from lotteries] is to go into hock getting some [by all means avoid for-profit colleges!], or by going into the military and taking advantage of their educational veterans' benefits. if you get a useful military occupational specialty [military job] that is in demand in the civilian world, so much the better. that was the only way i could get out of my serial homelessness, way back when.
more old-fart advice that is commonly ignored- live poorer than your income, save as much as possible for as long as possible, because most folk outlive their viable working years, and you really need a safety cushion in your old age, or even in middle-age when the inevitable lay-offs are most likely to occur. for example, frequent restaurant meals are nice but will eat up your savings quicker than you can say "bankruptcy!" the only thing that saved me was living like my depression-era grandparents, who lived very frugally.
i know poverty is so easy to fall into, and such a struggle to rise out of. i pray that things improve for you.
You seem to be bothered by it, so I'm interested in how this situation came along.
I used to work full time but there was a hold up at my work and someone pointed a gun at me. Since then I tried to go back to school, but that didn't work out. Now I am on disability. I get about 900$ a month. Between my rent, food, bills, and pets, that leaves me with about 150$ a month to spend on fun things. I usually spend about 400$ a month.
I know some Aspies and Auties who have rally bad problems spending, and others who are ridiculously stingy. I think just about everyone on the spectrum has a weird relationship with financial issues. I myself would be utterly destitute if I didn't get financial aid for college. I go back and forth between frugal and spendthrift, so I end up breaking more or less even most of the time. It helps that my boyfriend owns our house and has a very good union job.
I'm better at remembering bills than he is. I'm smug about that.
But I write EVERYTHING down on post-it notes and put them at my computer, and pay everything online. It helps.
I have a hard time with spending. Philosophically I'm opposed to it. Realistically, things I truly need, like food, cost money, and more of it than I usually have. My parents, especially my dad, are spendthrifts too, so it must run in the family. When I had credit cards I didn't buy cheap made in China junk, I bought fast food all the time and tried to start a business. I sold my car two months ago, and much of that money has gone into groceries and my computer repair business. I try to be stingy, but it never seems to work. There's always something demanding money, and more often than not it's food. I can't not eat. I just spent $44 on food today, and it wasn't anything special, some cheese and a package of pepperoni and a little candy and a bag of chips and a little hot fried rice from the hot wok in the grocery store. Inflation in the US is so bad that I have a hard time keeping up. I need to start making money with my business here soon.
So I'm not in the same position, but I do have some problems with spending more than I make. It may help to make a budget, with some help if you need it. If you have about $150 a month you need to limit yourself to a certain amount per week. Like $30 per week, so you can save $30 for the end of the month in you savings for something special.
You can choose to get your money in cash at an ATM once a week, on a specific day. If you leave your credit cards and the like at home, you can't spend more than you have. It will be difficult to get used to, but it will help you eventually.
Money has been a constant headache for me. As an adult I've always lived in near-poverty, despite having two degrees. I just struggle so much in work environments - with bullying, with miscommunication, lack of confidence, lack of good judgment, intolerance for environmental stimuli. I work at home now, which helps. Still I don't make much, so I'm considering adding disability which I don't want to do, for ethical reasons. It feels like a surrender.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,875
Location: the island of defective toy santas
you are not alone. there are those who surrender, and there are those who are surrendered-to. i myself expect to be in the former category until i push up the daisies. but in the next lifetime, who knows? if in my next life i am lucky enough to rate the latter category, i am determined that i would be extra-compassionate therein, considering what i have had to put up with in this lifetime.
I used to work full time but there was a hold up at my work and someone pointed a gun at me. Since then I tried to go back to school, but that didn't work out. Now I am on disability. I get about 900$ a month. Between my rent, food, bills, and pets, that leaves me with about 150$ a month to spend on fun things. I usually spend about 400$ a month.
I know this is hard thing to say but you may consider finding another home for your pets. Between the costs of their food and vet. needs it is likely costing you a fair chunk of your yearly income.
Personally i'm what Malisha would call 'stingy' in the sense that I don't spend in what I don't need. There are tons of things I feel the impulse to purchase but I made it a habit since I was young to 'filter' the purchase in question four times before buying it:
Do I really need this? Is there any other way I could have that need fulfilled without buying this? Can I get this cheaper somewhere else? Is it within my 'spending cash' budget?
If it wasn't for automatic payment over the internet I'd be doomed though. Due dates are one thing my brain flat out refuses to waste neurons on.... I use electronic devices to remind me of these things (Ipods are great for this!).
I used to work full time but there was a hold up at my work and someone pointed a gun at me. Since then I tried to go back to school, but that didn't work out. Now I am on disability. I get about 900$ a month. Between my rent, food, bills, and pets, that leaves me with about 150$ a month to spend on fun things. I usually spend about 400$ a month.
In my poorest times and stil poor: In the beginning of the month I would pay the bills/rent and then figure out the essentials I would need (food and such) for that month for me and my pets and buy that. That would leave me only with the need for some fresh food during the month. Try, do try, to put some money in savings, even if only 10 or 20 dollars at the beginning of the month. You might come in desperate need for it: for your health or your pets.
i also live on a limited budget and it took me a while to figure out how to keep things balanced. i am on disability too. if it's possible get all your bills and rent put on direct pay, that way you won't have to worry about that. the only one i have to worry about is the phone bill which i always pay when i go to the bank on check day. then i have envelopes for the rest. i re-use them every month because i keep my budget the same. i have one for each week for groceries. first figure out how much you need to eat well and healthy each week and mark that on the envelopes. this way i know that every saturday i will have x amount of dollars to spend on everything i need for the upcoming week which for me included diapers and household stuff like laundry soap and shampoo. for 5 of us it's $250/week. if it was just me i could probably do about $70/week. whatever is left in the budget goes into a jar to which i add anything i have left from groceries each week. this money goes to surprise thing that come up like medication or AS kids destroying things that need to be replaced right away. any money left over at the end of the month is mine to do what i wish with. i might use it for toys or birthday shopping or to fund my hobbies, kids school trips, basically anything that requires $$ that isn't covered under groceries and household needs. the trick is not to take money out of there unless you have to that way you can have it for 'fun' stuff later on without accidentally shorting yourself or having to borrow money from elsewhere if something comes up. hope this helps. good luck.
oh and by the way, it only took me 13 years to get to this point so be patient with yourself. it takes some getting used to. maybe you could get your bf to pay for your extras and outings instead of your bills. that way you won't become too dependant on him.
A single person should be able to have fun on $150/month. Actually, you should have fun on $50 and save that $100. I'm glad you have your boyfriend's help. I hope he's using your money - since you seem to have enough to cover expenses - and not enabling your overspending by covering the gap with his own income. You'll be okay. Take deep breathes, try yoga, and reprogram your mind to understand your new financial boundaries.
I try to budget everything. I still live at home but I pay my mom 300-500 dollars a month and I buy most of my own groceries. I use mint.com personally since I do most of my bill payments online and it really helps to have all of my debts and accounts laid out easily. I always pay my bills early and when I have to make a purchase I tend to use store lines of credit with 12 months no interest and pay them back within 6-8 months or so. I also never leave a balance on my credit cards so that I don't pay interest and I collect cash back and points. It also helps my credit score which when I make a larger investment (car or house) I can put down cash and get the rest reasonably financed.
Despite what people say there is nothing wrong with using credit cards as long as you watch them like a hawk and pay them off. With online banking thats an incredibly easy thing to do.
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